Being the woman…

So many ways I have seen you,
So many ways I have hoped to understand you,
So many ways I have longed to end your worries.
You’re holding on to many things…
So much pain, So much hurt, so little joy.
‘ your bleeding heart can mend’
But you have to let go of all that weighs you down
and be lifted up.
Being fragile in a world of no real love pre-empts decisions
That gives rise to mistakes.
So let it go and be lifted up!

Ilu-Ilu.

When is enough, enough…. (She’s back!)

When is enough, enough…? {She’s back!}

Hi people, its been too long, but hey I’m back ( don’t know how long for) with a bang, I hope  growing, changing maturing in life’s challenges moving from black and white to understanding shades of gray or at least acknowledging there are shades.

I will be doing a series of issues that I have a passion for but have talking about on this blog, but feel its time to now. As always the purpose is to bring to the light what is in the dark, for that is the only way deliverance can first start. When you know that what ever issue you have is not new and many others have or are going through the same thing reduces the intensity of the challenge.

In this series we’ll all reason together for I don’t claim to have the answers but when we talk, share together in truth and a clear honest and open mind keeping it real all the way, we learn.

Reality 1:

After  nearly 20yrs of marriage Linda walked out, this is a lady we all look at her marriage and family and marveled , her beautiful children her husband who always had nothing but praise for his wife, so understandably we were shock and sad about it.

some said she should not have given up and that divorce was the easy option, some sad there is nothing that God could not do so why break the home, some said she was selfish and that it would miss up the kids, some said what ever it was could she not bear it and wait till the children where older?… and many more was said to her and around her ,and for sometime Linda was not seen from all for a while, but come this faithful summer afternoon in walked Linda on her “ladies that lunch” meeting visibly upset with a teary eyes yet clam. As she walked in and stood before the ladies she said “when is enough, enough! I was faithful and devoted for all the years I was married, supported my husband in his dreams, counted pennies with him, did not put pressure on him was not demanding. I was not perfect but was willing to grow together in love. I stayed at home and raised our children and manage the home, all by choice, to give the very best of me, that was my contribution to the stability of our home. I cooked and cleaned for him, out of love not duty but as an expression of my love for him. What you all did not know was how I had to survive for years with a man that phonghapy was his other love, do you know how that could affect ones self esteem as a wife and have no one to talk to about it, cos of the shame and embarrassment attached to it and even a sense of protecting him and the family, not wanting to talk about our problems and keep the façade of a perfect family and always hoping that things will change and get better someday

. Do you know how many fights we had cos I asked him to stop, all he would say is” it was just pictures that is means nothing” but I knew once he started looking that this the next thing would be to act on it…Do know how a woman feel when she know and have even walked in on him looking at other naked women having sex, does that not count as adultery in his mind I ask you? That not enough, his drinking under when his stressed and then physical abuse… do you know what it feels like for the man that says he loves you one minute to be hitting on you the next do you know how demoralizing that could be? …and for this to happening for years…When I think of it I should have left the first day he slapped me for no good reason. Remember my daughters first birthday when I had the black eye and I told you all I fell…. Well now you know it was no fall.

When is enough, enough? When his sleeping around with not one, two or more different women…is it till I am infected with HIV then I could be released for this contract? Is the contract not broken the minute he had slept with another that was not his wife?  To top this I got no support for my dreams like how I had stood by his. My dreams were nothing but “little hobbies” to keep me occupied not a career that required time and energy to concentrate and develop, he did not but expected a housewife for ever (which was for a season)

When is enough, enough? After he had fathered a child outside of our marriage(and that’s the one I got to find out, what about the ones I don’t know or would never know)… I had had enough my ladies; to you I should pray and ask God for help… I did and still do, but first I need to accept and identify what was wrong and break out of a mind of denial, shame and hopelessness, I am fighting now for my mind and sanity … I am sure we had many a good time, but now I can not remember I can not let depression step in to my life anymore for year I have battled with that, to the point when death stated looking attractive, No more! My life is worth more than his wife or there mother, there is more to me even if you want to call me selfish maybe its time to think about myself, just maybe…

As she carefully wiped her eyes and picked up her bag and calmly walked out of the restaurant with a stride I had never seen her in before, some would call it a swagger.

…so when is enough, enough?

Keeping it real let the conversation begin.

Hi people, its been too long, but hey I’m back ( don’t know how long for) with a bang, I hope growing, changing maturing in life’s challenges moving from black and white to understanding shades of gray or at least acknowledging there are shades.

I will be doing a series of issues that I have a passion for but have talking about on this blog, but feel its time to now. As always the purpose is to bring to the light what is in the dark, for that is the only way deliverance can first start. When you know that what ever issue you have is not new and many others have or are going through the same thing reduces the intensity of the challenge.

In this series we’ll all reason together for I don’t claim to have the answers but when we talk, share together in truth and a clear honest and open mind keeping it real all the way, we learn.

Reality 1:

After  nearly 20yrs of marriage Linda walked out, this is a lady we all looked at her marriage and family and marveled. Her beautiful children her husband who always had nothing but praise for his wife, so understandably we were shocked and sad about it.

Some said she should not have given up and that divorce was the easy option, some sad there is nothing that God could not do so why break the home, some said she was selfish and that it would miss up the kids, some said what ever it was;could she not bear it and wait till the children where older?… and many more was said to her and around her. For sometime Linda was not seen by all for a while, but come this faithful summer afternoon in walked Linda on her “ladies that lunch” meeting visibly upset with a teary eyes yet clam. As she walked in and stood before the ladies and said “when is enough, enough! I was faithful and devoted for all the years I was married, supported my husband in his dreams, counted pennies with him, did not put pressure on him was not demanding. I was not perfect but was willing to grow together in love. I stayed at home and raised our children and manage the home, all by choice, to give the very best of me, that was my contribution to the stability of our home. I cooked and cleaned for him, out of love not duty but as an expression of my love for him. What you all did not know was how I had to survive for years with a man that phonghapy was his other love, do you know how that could affect ones self esteem as a wife and have no one to talk to about it, cos of the shame and embarrassment attached to it and even a sense of protecting him and the family, not wanting to talk about our problems and keep the façade of a perfect family and always hoping that things will change and get better someday.

Do you know how many fights we had cos I asked him to stop, all he would say is” it was just pictures that is means nothing” but I knew once he started looking that thisl the next thing would be to act on it…Do know how a woman feels when she knows and have even walked in on him looking at  naked women having sex, does that not count as adultery of the mind I ask you?

That not enough, his drinking when his stressed and then the physical abuse… do you know what it feels like for the man that says he loves you one minute to be hitting on you the next do you know how demoralizing that could be? …and for this to be happening for years…When I think of it I should have left the first day he slapped me for no good reason. Remember my daughters first birthday when I had the black eye and I told you all I fell…. Well now you know it was no fall.

When is enough, enough? When his sleeping around with not one, two or more different women…is it till I am infected with HIV then I could be released for this contract? Is the contract not broken the minute he had slept with another that was not his wife?  To top this I got no support for my dreams like how I had stood by his. My dreams were nothing but “little hobbies” to keep me occupied not a career that required time and energy to concentrate and develop, he did not but expected a housewife for ever (which was for a season)

When is enough, enough? After he had fathered a child outside of our marriage(and that’s the one I got to find out, what about the ones I don’t know or would never know)… I had had enough my ladies; to you I should pray and ask God for help… I did and still do, but first I need to accept and identify what was wrong and break out of a mind of denial, shame and hopelessness, I am fighting now for my mind and sanity … I am sure we had many a good time, but now I can not remember I can not let depression step in to my life anymore for years I have battled with that, to the point when death started looking attractive, No more! My life is worth more than his wife or their mother, there is more to me and you may choose to call me selfish, maybe its time to think about myself… just maybe.

As she carefully wiped her eyes, picked up her bag and calmly walked out of the restaurant with a stride I had never seen her in before, some would call it a swagger.

…so when is enough, enough?

Keeping it real, let the conversation begin.

We all fall down…

“We fall down, but we get up, for a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up!”-Donnie Mcclurkin.

 

Getting up, may sound so easy….Moving forward even harder. Baggage’s of past( and sometimes present) pains and hurts hard to of load, unforgiveness, bitterness, self condemnation can be more debilitating than drug abuse or any sought addictions. You are a walking dead, smiling, moving, oh! So busy performing tasks even delivering them very well too…but dead! Without feelings, void of empathy, compassion and totally consumed with self. But you have a CHOICE!

All is required we do is know God loves us more than you could ever imagine or anyone could tell you. Make our confession to HIM is all He asks of us, for He is the only Restorer of souls, Healer, Comforter and the only One that forgives without condemnation.

Make a choice to LIVE, move on, move forward and join the land of the living…

 

JESUS is sure alive!!!

Just Musing… ( who do you say you are?)

What you call me, that I am not!

for I know who I am, whose I am and what HE says I am… Beautifully and wonderfully made, crafted and fashioned!

My heart is pure and so are my intentions( can that be said of yours) …yes, I don’t always do the right things, but renewed I am and in Him stand, void of condemnation.

Everyone well dressed and perfectly made up with plastic smiles looking like it’s all under control,

but within hurting, doubting, insecure and in turmoil…Why ?!

‘cos some have chosen to live a lie and not be real to themselves first.

Life is for living…and as one said “Life is what happens when your making plans”

So live the life…

Know yourself…

Be true to yourself…

Love others the way you would be loved and

LIVE!

Some birds you don’t want to be flocking with…

 

Watch out for…

1.     The Blamer: This is a person who consistently blames you/or everyone else for their problems. The world and the people in it always seem to create havoc for this person. And instead of taking responsibility for their life, would rather blame others.

 

2.     The Complainer: This person likes to hear his/her own voice. They consistently complain about what isn’t working in their life and yet get energy from complaining and dumping their frustrations on you.

 

3.     The Drainer (just run…lol): This is the needy person who calls to ask for your advice, guidance, support, information, advice or what ever they to feel better in that moment (which is not a real problem)…but because of their neediness, the conversation often, if not always revolves around them and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during their conversations.

 

4.     The Shamer (run several miles…lol ):This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of you or your ideas in front  of others, often ignores your boundaries and may try and convince you that their criticism is for your own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before them. (Did I say runnnnnnn!!)

 

5.     The Discounter: This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often has a strong need to be right and can not find fault with any position they may be standing at that point in time. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.

 

6.     The Gossip (don’t just give this one the time of day): This person avoids intimacy by talking about others behind their backs. The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions and latest “scoop” by gossiping about others. They create a lack of safety in there relationships, whether they realize it or not. After all if the gossip talks about someone else they will talk about you!

 

Source: Cheryl Richardson, Author “Take time for your life”

*Sharon’s contribution – The Fire Extinguisher – these ones just keep raining on all your dreams and passions till you’re as washed out as they are.

Feel free to add to this list, would be encouraging to see what we all come up with.

 

 

 

Who are you flocking with?

                     Birds of the same feather flock together…

That was one of the sayings my mum loved to quote to warn us as children about bad friendships, another is from the Bible telling us not to be unequally yoked (bridled together) this is mostly used to warn Believers about associating or marrying an unbelievers (one who did not accpect  Jesus as Lord and saviour) 

 I think it can be used among believers too,simply saying be careful who you hang with believer or unbeliever…anyway I digress

 

We grow not just physically, intellectually and mentally, but hopefully with wisdom and discernment too. I say discernment cos the older we get, the margin for error are reduced and so careless mistakes should be avoided at all cost, for the damage could be one that may never be replaced or fixed.

 

Moving from one level to another in life in what ever area, be it in family relationship, work, education or career would be determined by our association…Who you mix with, Who you are listening to and spending time with, whether you like it or believe it will effect how well or bad you grow…What you think, How you think and What you do.

 

There is a time for everything, I personally feel I’m in my time for doing …stepping out and actualizing all the learning and preparation, so my associations are very important and am very protective of what am hearing, seeing and doing. I must be with people I can learn from, stable (mentally and emotionally), mature, positive and goal driven.

I guess I would like to live the rest of my life full, fun and purposeful with as little drama as possible…not much to ask now is it?

 

Identify the birds you flock with … How inspiring are they? What is their added value in your life?  Are you the one always pouring out and never receiving?

BELIEVE.

BELIEVE.

To Believe! To be Brave!

Take Courage! Take the Chance!

Make the Leap! Make it Happen!

Don’t Give Up! Don’t Give up on You!

Keep the dream alive! Keep the Faith!

Dream! Dream!! Dream Big!!!

Never Give Up!

 

A NAIRA A DAY!!!

 

Do you know that with only =N= 10.00

 (Ten naira) a day you can….

·        Make a difference in the life of an orphan/less privileged child?

·        You can feed not only the belly but the mind of a less privileged child?

The naira a day initiative is a concerted effort to raise funds to feed at least fifteen thousand less privileged children over the next 12 months.

Through out 2008, by giving a minimum of four thousand naira (which will translate to less than 10 naira a day) you will be ensuring that the disadvantaged children will have access to a good meal and a level of basic quality education.

Linkachild will be working with partner organisations to achieve these set goals.

We invite you to partner with us by making a minimum donation of N4000 on or before Monday March 31st 2008 to be a part of making the future better for the less privileged.

*Cheques should be made payable to LINKACHILD (A Naira A Day Initiative)

linkachild Ltd/Gte RC 631048 3,Adebisi Omotola Close, Off Ajose Adeogun Street, Victoria Island – Lagos, Nigeria.     NAIRA ACCOUNTS   GUARANTY TRUST BANK PLC 2147732241110   FOR BRITISH POUND TRANSACTIONS:   BANK: STANDARD CHARTERED BANK CLEMENT HOUSE 27 CLEMENT LANE LONDON EC4N7AP   ACCT NO 01254512801   ACCT NAME ECOBANK NIGERIA PLC SWIFT CODE: SCBLGB2L SORT CODE: 60-91-04   FOR US DOLLAR TRANSACTIONS   BANK: DEUTSCHE BANK TRUST COMPANY NEW YORK BANKERS TRUST PLAZA 13 LIBERTY STREET NEW YORK NY 10006   ACCOUNT NO. 04087350 ACCT NAME: ECOBANK NIGERIA PLC SWIFT CODE: BKTRUS33 FED. WIRE: 021001033   Please Note: A t the point of payment donor should please state categorically that further credit should be applied to the Linkachild Account domiciled at the Ecobank bank Head Office Branch Victoria Island Lagos with Account Number:   Pounds: 433861926   Dollars: 433861934

                  Join us lets build the future together…

–

Olusina Bello (Administrator)
Linkachild Ltd/Gte
08033854523, 08024727801

Liberty!

from the deepest darkest marry mire–a way is made.

In the heated passion of temptation–a choice of escape can be found.

A way out of no way,

A blazing trail through the wilderness is beaten, as water parts the desert dry, so is a way out of no way and choice of escape is found!

More than your load, carry you will not, for HE makes a way out, to escape and to flee!

 

 

RefinedOne.

 

“true liberty is in the courage to choose righteousness, for righteousness is never easy and will have to be fought to possess”

RefinedOne.

Last Tango in…

Man proposes God disposes, so they say….Well it seem so in my situation. I would have loved to be writing this in the heat of Lagos, but alas! It’s not to be…

All my furniture and things are having that experience at the moment without me…something came up and we have to spend one more Christmas in the UK….

Yes I am still in the cold of the UK…dreaming of my Lagos sun.As I sit on the floor typing this( it’s all back to basic guys ) …No Christmas tree or decorations…No feeling of the season, my body is here but my spirit is not ( it is in las gidi )…thinking of all my plans for Christmas in Lagos… taking the children to the beach after feasting and visiting, I think God must have a reason…He must have something better in store in January or He is just looking out for us, one way or another ….It is well!

So one more “tango in the UK” folks   I will make the best of a situation I was not looking forward to….

On the 3^rdthis month makes One year of blogging for me….How the year has flown. It has been the best and the worst of years all mixed into one…. But I would say it has been a year of Gods faithfulness… getting to know more about the layers that make me, ME.

 A year that God has shown me I am able to carry some loads I would have never believed I could… A year of seeing how far His love for me expands. A year of growth….This has been a landmark year and I am thankful.I would like to thank all that have ever left a comment on my blog….all those that have been to my blog and not left any comments…all those that have left email comments and encouragement…all those that have emailed me to say they where encouraged by my words or post, I say a big THANK YOU…GOD BLESS YOU and I look forward to many more years (God willing)

My New Year starts in September, that is when I seek God face for a word to carry into the following year/season. 2007 was “Taking the limits of God and expanding boundaries” This He sure did…I was so excited about the expanding boundaries, that I did not take in to account what it fully implied…If I was to expand my boundaries, that would also mean stepping into a boundary already occupied, at first I was not careful and did not protect myself from the assault and attack of “expanding boundaries” but soon understood that when God gives you a word it will be fulfilled, but it will never come easy, cos it is in the process of the fire you are REFINED.

This Year/Season 2008 ( yes 2008 , for I am already in my New Year) my word from God has been “Soar like an eagle….New beginnings/ new thinking…a season of separation and feeling of going it alone (some friendships will not go it with me in this year/season). Many will not understand me…but that’s ok, they are not meant to. It’s a continuation from the year before to take the limits of God and walk in my uniqueness.

The more I read about the character and attribute of an eagle it gets clearer…This time I have learnt to guard my heart, keep myself in His covering and not be arrogant to think I know anything….for it is all Him.

Have a Merry Christmas ….the reason for the season is CHRIST and nothing else…Not the trees…Not the presents…Not the food….Not clothes…..Not the drinks.

Happy New Year….may we all walk in the fullness of our purpose and fulfil DESTINY.

Till 2008.

 Thanks http://mumsdadschildren.blogspot.com for this:   

 

Closing a chapter…

 

I have dreamt of today for a couple years now..

Planned, worried and prepared…

But now,

The boxes are packed,

A house in boxes to be moved to a home.

Now it’s dawned on me…

I am leaving all I have known for nearly 20yrs,

to a new mindset…a new way… new people… wow! When all said it was a “big step” we were taking …I took no notice.

So I will not smell winter of spice and cinnamon and all that is Christmas in England…

So I will not see my morning birds that visit outside the kitchen window…Mr Robin in the winter months and Mr Magpie and friends…

And will not see the blossoms of my cerrytree in spring as it opens delicately white with a hue of pink, and the bloom of my spring garden with the daffodils and tulips in the ray of colours red, pink and yellows, and as summer warms up the bloom of the five rose bushes, Wow!

Quietly as I pack up the last boxes I get a nut in my tummy and everything seemed to move in slow motion..

Ah! A new adventure …and new chapter in the pages of my life…Lord you told me this year was going to be a year of “taking the limits off , expanding my boundaries and stepping out”

 it sure has been…I never for saw this happening …So soon, but you said “dream big dreams” and I sure did! As I and my family take this “big step” and have our “walk on the water moment” with you Lord, I am confident, excited and full of expectation of what you have in store for us in the very near future.

Home called, and I(we)answered..

The Other side of moi…

  www.refinedonelyrics.wordpress.com

 

   The Breaking…  

From eternity to destiny in-between these; the seasons
Yes! You choose me from the creation of time
Yes! I was with you, in you, were you.

You birth me into this shell for you know the end.

In this shell you kept me, to minister for you care so much; you wanted to feel what I felt, to deliver destiny and redeem a generation.

 Ah! To be born into this shell and go through the seasons, learning, being broken and birthing.
Ah! How this shell has been knocked, bruised, abused, tossed and pulled … for the shell hates you!
it loves what it sees and wants more
it loves what it feels and wants more
it loves what it touches and wants more
it loves what it tastes and wants more
it loves what it hears and wants more…
But! Yes, I was in you from the creation of time, was with you and was you.

Alas! You are still in me to birth destiny (for you know the end).
The alabaster box was broken
The lamb was slain, so ….
You break and slay me daily, in seasons to birth destiny (for you know the end).
I am knocked but I get up, to be knocked again and again

But I get up quicker with every blow until I master how to block and dock the punches….
With each knock, a breaking, until you are poured out of this shell to birth eternity to destiny…

For you alone know the end! 

Author: RefinedOne   

…will not be putting any new post for a while, stay strong all 

  

A.R.K

God has chosen us all, the decision to act is yours and mine. God has asked us to do the impossible; cos He is the God of the impossible, but we let the fear of what people would say or think of us (just in case we don’t succeed)

We all have our different path to walk in this life time and all God asks for is Obedience, not qualification, not ability and not understanding of the full picture or end plan. I am finding out God always has a reason for whatever He ask of us, sometimes we know, other times we just have to trust Him.{ The bible says God’s thoughts for us are good and not of evil to give us a hope and a future } so we should be rest assured that anything He wants for us is GOOD! Although most times during the process it does not feel so…

Changing the world is possible, it can only be done with God’s help…He has given us the manual, the bible, in it He says have Faith…Trust Him…Love one another and be Obedient to His word and instructions.

Obey Gods word and He will do the impossible in our lives and through us (a privilege to be co-workers) to reach and change the world! …so let’s go and build our ARK, for when the floods come (for it will surely come) we are able to be “a safe place” for others.

We can change the world by one Act of Random Kindness.

Watching the film Evan Almighty Oh! So blessed me, yes! it empowered me to succeed!

……So let’s start by taking our blessed selves and actually be a BLESSING.

Let’s build our ARK and Change the World. 

Keep your “religion” talk about Relationship

The Woman in me (Reply to comment)

dallenia Says:

October 23, 2007 at 12:39 am e  well girl what can i say i’m so so happy for you. that the lord found you the right one indeed.
well girl i wish could say the same for me. well the last time i thought i found the right one girl .he did me wrong. he play the act he was so so nice.and then play the hard to get. i never fell inlove by my self, but it happend to me now it been,8 month i cant forget him why i dont know.it feels like acurse.i ask god to forget but he still on my mind. everyday. it like ”a never ending storie”the thing that hurt me the most i’m scared of leting myself go and be wo.  

Dear Dallenia    

 I feel for you and wish I could tell you that the experience was all about my guy but rather he was simple the vessel that God used to touch me. The poem is about my transformation process, it is the result of the journey I had to go through with God in order to let go of my fears and issues about marriage so that I can come to the place of not seeing marriage as a prison. A place where woman are nothing but slaves or so I thought but now I can see marriage differently , I now see it as a place of safety and security where I am free to accomplish all that I can be. I have finally crucified the Jezebel (the controlling spirit) in me and I have taken the mantle of Sarah, a woman of faith whose trust is in God to make any changes in her man necessary. I am free to simple love.    

As for your guy all I can say is break the soul tie and move on. If my guy were to leave today, I would be hurt but I would move on and be eternally grateful to him. What I have learnt is so valuable and precious, at times God is interested in the process and not necessarily the end result. The feelings I have is based on God’s perspective, it is about agape love, a love that has God at the centre of it. While we were yet sinners God loved us, so my guy does not have to attain a standard or do something for me to feel what I am feeling. It is looking and feeling with the eyes of God.

Be encouraged and wait for God he will bring the right one, it is well worth the wait. In the meantime let God help you deal with your issues and make you whole. There are many women out there but a woman like me, one who know her value is one in a million. I guess the truth question is how do you value yourself as a woman?   

Blessed.

Nuff said!

                                                                                                                                     

                                                                       http://www.silentday.org/index.php

The Woman in me

                                                                      

…..Meet a woman in love

The Woman in Me

Situations has cause me to hide

Circumstances has changed me

The world has caused me to turn away from the woman in me.

I look around and see women

Incomplete women, lonely women

Women who have something missing in them

I see women acting like men

Women with the {WO} missing in them

I should know I use to be one of them

But a touch from the right man

A word from my love is all it takes

And the woman in me comes out.

Oh what a wonderful feeling it is to be a woman

To have my {WO} back again

It is okay for me not to be so strong

It is okay for me to have emotions

It is okay for me to lay down my life

And to let the man be the man

It is okay because I am loved and accepted

The woman in me feels safe and secure

What a joyous feeling it is

What a restful feeling

What a peaceful feeling it is

To be a woman again

I can safely say, perfect love cast out all fears
I can safely say, love makes all the difference

I can truly testify that the love of the right man is all it takes

Woman, heed my advice

Wait for the right man, there is no feeling like it

Wait for the right one and be the woman God has created you to be

Wait it is worth it, just to see the transformation take place in you

Wait, it is worth it, just to have the burden lifted off

Wait and see the salvation of the Lord

Let him bring the right one

Let him bring that one

Whose voice causes your heart to skip a beat

Whose touch causes your knees to weaken

Whose words brings out the best in you

Wait it is well worth the wait

The love of the right man makes

You feel like you can do anything

The love of a right man

Inspires the woman in you to experience new things

It causes you to aspire to be the best you can be

A Woman

That is all you need to be

A Woman

That is who you were made to be

So my prayer is that one day

You meet someone like my love

And for the first time

Yes I can say it

My lord

Who will bring back the {WO} in you

And cause you to dare to be a woman again.

Author: Blessed Oluwayemi.

….just so you know

 

Who do you think you are?

What makes you think you can rain on mySunny days?

Who do you think you are?

What makes you think that my dark daysWill last?

What makes you think you can break me…

What makes you think I am no more than you could be Privilege to know…

I may not qualify in your eyes

I may not look the part (now)

But still I soar

Daily I am given breath to soar even higher

My glory….a reflection of the Son

For I am like the moon able, to turn the tide Of a generation, a time and season

 That is who I know I am,Who are you?

  

Author: RefinedOne.

Woman that do it for me…finale

Cece Winans- When I listen to her music it always ministers to me, she comes across like one that is a true worshipper- one that loves the Lord with all her being giving Him the praise in every way. Apart from being an award winning artist (six times Grammy awards winner), Dove award winner, Soul train award winner and actress… she is also a teacher and mentor…Her album Throne room is my all time favourite, not just the melody but the words always bring healing and joy to my soul, I feel sometimes listening to her songs and feel like I am intruding in her personal time with God. I most admire about her is a passion for the youth, especially young girls. In Oct of 2005, Cece developed and hosted the Always Sisters conference which focuses on support for young women ages 13-26yrs, where she offered words of encouragement and self esteem was discussed. This is her passion that young women will walk in the fullness of God glory and self worth of their everyday lives. At the conference she presented the young ladies with tiaras as a token to the girl, She said…”My prayer was that they know God and know who they are”…”He is the only one that can really teach you who you are, how beautiful you are, how powerful you are, that you deserve the best and not to settle for less” This are the kind of things I like to see and hear..Older women mentoring the younger ones and empowering them on who (we) are as women/princesses and should be treated as one by ourselves and others. Cece has been married for over 21yrs with two children (boy/girl) Cece the wife and mother has managed to balance her personal and professional lives with relatives ease….this for me is a woman living a life with purpose. 

 Oprah Winfrey- Born January 29, 1954 is the American multiple-Emmy Award winning host of The Oprah Show, the highest-rated talk show in television history. She is also an influential book critic, an Academy Award -nominated actress for The Color Purple. And a magazine publisher of O, The Oprah Magazine and O at Home. She has been ranked the richest African American of the 20th century, the most philanthropic African American of all time, and the world’s only black billionaire for three straight years. She is also, according to some assessments, the most influential woman in the world {} raised in rural poverty by her grandmother, born out of wedlock by a mother who was a housekeeper and father a coal miner, at the birth of Oprah, but later became a councilman. Regardless of background and a challenged home life she was able to rise above it all at 13yrs received a scholarship to attend Nicolet High School in the Milwaukee suburb of Glendale, Wisconsin after which she won an oratory contest, which secured her full scholarship to Tennessee State University, a historically black institution, where she studied communication. This is a woman that has accomplished so much in the world of media I could go on, but what I would like to spotlight and truly admire is her Leadership Academy for Girls  in South Africa, she intends teaching a class via satellite. Oprah is not married, but instead has been in longstanding relationship of over 20yrs with partner Stedman Graham. She never had children of her own but had this to say about the girls of her Leadership Academy….”I never had children, never even thought I would have children. Now I have 152 daughters; expecting 75 more next year. That is some type of gestation period…I said to the mothers, the family members, the aunts, the grannies — because most of these girls have lost their families, their parents — I said to them, “Your daughters are now my daughters and I promise you I’m going to take care of your daughters. I promise you.”   

I found doing the research for this list quiet reflective and it sure did reinforce things about myself that I am absolutely sure are no coincidences anymore… all the women that I admire, truly sum me up …Out of the box, Passionate, Motivational, Strong, Natural nurturers, Called to run “their own” race, Unique with a large heart of service to others and effective to their immediate society and the world!

 None of these women are perfect and have made mistakes in their lives, they have had their share of challenges and adversity, but it never stopped them…

Life must have purpose!

Who inspires you? 

Who do you admire?  

 And Why? 

Woman that do it for me…#2

Bimbo Odukoya-The very first time I saw this fast talking, energetic and passionate woman on my tv screen, I had to stop and listen, after which I had to know more about her and what drives her….She was about marriages and how to have a good one which was an interest of mine. Pastor Bimbo Odukoya was (for she is late now) an Evangelist, motivational speaker, marriage counsellor and mentor to many Nigerian youths. Apart from her teaching through the Singles and Married programme, she was also a writer and author; she has columns in several national and international including ThisDay, CityPeople, and Leadship and life style based in the UK. Her columns dwell primarily on true life experiences of both the good and bad side of married and unmarried people. Before her untimely death on in a plane crash on the 10^th of Dec 2005, she was the associate senior pastor of fountain of Life Church and President of Discovery for Women; a ministry the motives and challenges woman to discover there purpose in life and maximize their God given potential. She was married to Senior Pastor Taiwo Odukoya and had three children. May her soul rest in peace….Amen.  

Adesuwa Onyenokwe- Is it possible to just like someone you have never met? Well in the case of Adesuwa Onyenokwe, it was so. The very first time I  came across her was through her TV programme called Woman Today. Her voice was so calm and I just loved her manner and presentation…very lady like and wholesome in her opinions and views. I love the way she carries herself… with such dignity, not trying to be anything she not, she stands out in the fakeness( if that’s a word ) that is called Nigerian “celebrity”(IMO)   this was confirmed by a family friend, when in conversation her name came up and I was saying how very dignified and mature she comes across. Adesuwa read drama for her first degree at the Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-Ife, and followed it up with a master’s degree in Language Arts at the University of Ibadan in Nigeria. Her show Today’s Woman has become a source of inspiration to many women. The show was created to help fill the void at the time of lack of understanding the womenfolk and also give them a voice. She is quoted as saying “”The bottom-line is to show that there are many women out there who have such God-given qualities as empathy. And you know that to make a good leader, you have to empathise. We are good managers because by nature we manage two roles: motherhood and wifehood,” Her ideal concept of today’s woman is somebody who is in total union with God and with self, to the extent that she is beneficial to humanity. This is why she features on her programme women who should serve as role models to others, especially the younger ones. Since she started presenting Today’s Woman on TV in 2000, many women of substance who have made their mark in the society have been featured {taken from an interview with Newswatch}. Born August 8, 1963, in Ibadan, Oyo State, Onyenokwe is the fifth of eleven children, she is married to Ikechukwu Onyenokwe, an engineer and management consultant with 6 children (3boys and 3girls)

2 to go …

Women that do it for me…

 As part of Black history month in the United Kingdom, I would like to present Seven Black Women I admire and would like to celebrate …. 

1- Mrs Clara Onelum, You may not all know her but I do, she is my “mummy” She is an inspiration and note worthy.She is passionate and devoted to her children and family, an example of a woman, Classy, hardworking and committed. My mother has always been my first role model. She worked in the bank for 16yrs, refused promotion so as not to be away from raising her then very young  children, So to keep herself busy and fuel  her entrepreneurial spirit, she qualified as a hair dresser/stylist from Revlon in the States, opened her own salon first in the house and then later expanded it to a shop next door with a dressmaking section to it…she had a wholesale distributorship too all she did from home…no matter how busy she was we always sat together for our meals which she cooked ( that left a lasting impression on me) she was able to be a mom and also be productive and fulfilled…she later went to catering school and qualified as a chef which she did in the UK until she retired 5yrs ago…but that has not stopped her. I could go on but will stop there

 2-    Nike Davies Okundaye – Now when Vanity Fair was looking to have “African” Icons on its cover why was Nike not part of it I say! She can only be described by me with one word as an enigma! She is naturally talented and creative. She is one of Nigeria’s most successful contemporary artiste, and the very few to gain international reputations as an artist and designer, all this from a woman with no formal training. At a very young age learnt indigo weaving and dyeing ( Adire) from her great-grandmother. She refused an arranged marriage and ran away with a theatre group. To read more about how she gained independence and escaped the violence and abuse of her first husband and how she has developed a centre of the arts in Lagos, Oshogbo in Ogun state and Ogidi in Kogi state of Nigeria and also how she is helping rural women gain financial freedom as well as build up their self esteem by training them in the arts of Adire. http://nikeart.com/main.htm  and read her biography http://blackartstudio.com/Nikespage.htm  

3- Maya Angelou- She is a woman of great substance and elegance a true beauty. She is one of many of the contemporary voices of literature…Her poetry, like one of her own many titles are just “Phenomenal” (Phenomenal Woman is my all time favourite poem of hers) she is an historian, bestselling author, play write, civil-rights activist and I hear producer and director too…The beauty of her words and lyrical flow just blows me away..Her original name is Marguerite Johnson. Her book I know why the caged bird sings was about her childhood,  spent between her grandmother in rural, segregated Stamps, Arkansas and St.Louis, Missouri where her mother lived, her rape at 8yrs by her mother’s boyfriend  to age sixteen and with the birth of her son, by the time she was in her early twenties she was a Creole  cook, a streetcar conductor, a cocktail waitress a dancer, a madam and unwed mother, the following decades saw her emerge as a successful singer, actress and playwright, an English-language magazine in Egypt, a lecturer and civil rights activist. In 1993 Angelou gave a moving reading of her poem On the pulse of morning at Bill Clinton’s Presidential inauguration which gave her wide recognition

Poetry break….

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies. I say, It’s in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me.I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It’s the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me.Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can’t touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them They say they still can’t see. I say, It’s in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I’m a womanPhenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Now you understand Just why my head’s not bowed. I don’t shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It’s in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need of my care, ‘Cause I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Maya Angelou

3 down 4 to go…

Yesterday…

Yesterday I said a enough is a enough!!

Yesterday I decided to truly trust in Him

Yesterday old struggles that tried to rise up where put down

Yesterday pains and worries where put back on the altar (not looking back, this time)

Yesterday a rebirth, not looking to man, but to God, for He knows the beginning and end of me…

What are you going to leave in your yesterday?

 Stay strong people…..   

Madea’s words of wisdom (lol)…”many a true word is spoken in jest”

Did i ever say how much i enjoy Tyler Perry’s stage plays with his principal character “Madea” which he plays.  

 This clip is  from the stage production called….  Enjoy

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1963735

The adventure called Motherhood… are you ready?

Artist : Mufu Onifade

Title: Omu iya du (Mothers mike is sweet)

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. “We’re taking a survey,” she says, half-joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?” “It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. “I know,” she says, “no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations….” But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking “What if that had been MY child?” That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of “Mom!” will cause her to drop her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at McDonald’s will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give
it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years-not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.I want her to know that a caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honour. My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children’s future. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. “You’ll never regret it,” I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter’s hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God . . . that of being a Mother.

Authour Unknown.

7yrs…

 

 

On  one rainy Sunday morning  they both came together gather with friends and family to say “again” and renew their earlier vows to themselves….This time they did not repeat what was presented to them as is done, both each wrote their hearts commitment towards the other.

She said- in a sea of tears (for she can be emotional like that)…

I in the present of God, family and friends… I promise to comfort, encourage, and do you only good, as long as there is life within me. I promise to pray for you and lift you up before God. I promise to be the wife, mother, companion, friend and lover that you will be proud of. I promise to help meet and accomplish the purpose God has given you. I promise to reverence and honour you, to love you with the God kind of love. The love without conditions and not based on emotions. I promise before God, family and friends that I will not tolerate resentment and unforgiveness eroding what we are building together. I am thanking God for He has already given me the grace and empowerment to keep my vows to you.

He said-Holding back the tears, but a little making its way down the side…

I vow to sit in the presence of El-shaddai .To deliver His wealth, counsel and wisdom so we can raise Godly seeds, worthy soldiers in the last day army of Jesus. I vow to continually show my gratitude and appreciation for the early sacrifices you made to make our life together possible. As I thank you for your continuing devotion and faith, please know that you have all my gratitude, respect and love. For you have been a wonderful inspiration, support and help. My vow is to continue to find newer and fresher ways to give you everything a woman of virtue like you deserves. I thank the Father and you for the gifts which you made my life complete.

Since then 7yrs ago, many trails and tribulation have come, storms and floods have shaken the foundation of their love, marriage and even faith …yet they STOOD!

Never settling for second best and compromises, brutally honest with themselves (that was what made them unique), they said hurtful and sometimes unforgivable (but forgivable by grace)things to one another, things  they never thought  they would ever say to one another …did things they never thought they would do to one another…yet they STOOD!

It has been beautiful never the less, there union has be blessed with little angels from above( naughty sometimesJ)  each with their  unique contribution to the fold, with a bound of love for one another that could never be broken….and they STOOD!

They stood, for they kept it real…in their case it seemed it had to get bad (real bad before it could get better) or should I say fantastic!  To solve a problem and enjoy the benefits, one has to get to the root cause, be honest, get good council and deal with it… Ignorance and darkness is where the evil one lives and breeds, but in God there can only be truth and light to set you free…

True freedom and joy in a marriage comes with a price… one of sacrifice, honesty, openness and most of all Love! (Not puppy, butterflies in my stomach love) but the Love of God… that says” I will love even when I don’t feel like” “I will love you, cos I am committed to you”

….By the Lord’s grace and mercy they loved one another, stood by one another, was gracious and understanding.

Now years have passed, they are older (ok, more mature) there love has and is “maturing” into fine wine and not fizzy pop! …with each year there love grows stronger and sweeter!

So when you see them and say … I want a marriage like so and so…..you at better ask them there journey and see whether you are ready to travel that road or better still, just ask God to show you your own road and how to make your own marriage work for you!

Every marriage and every couple is unique and will be refined by their own unique FIRE!!

Blessings.

                    

EVERY LIFE HAS BEEN CREATED FOR A PURPOSE AND A PLAN…

 

What is the PURPOSE of this gift to you called LIFE?

 

Thanks for sharing this Tokunbo – www.mypenmypaper.wordpress.com

Pro-life?…Girlchild or Boychild?…or just plain sick?

I am in a state of shock and unbelief as I write this, just when one thinks you have seen it all, one comes across something that truly makes you sick and  angry!!!

I am totally perplexed and don’t know how to react to what I have just seen, there was I hoping this was all some sick joke.

 Why did I even click the link? I ask myself now, guess the part of me that cannot stand injustice, would not stop from finding out more and looking…. We all should know what evil is happening in our world, spotlight it and let the darkness be exposed in the light!

Jesus, I beg you to help me still be able to love and pray for people that behave in this abominable manner.

To find out what I am ranting about this time- click on the link below…

Please be warned!!!

(VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED)

http://nafasg.blogspot.com/2007/08/perils-of-unborn-baby.html

Baby Sola:Re-visited!

 

Yes I said I’ll update you all about the Orphans in Igbo Efon Lekki Lagos, Nigeria called Hope for all Foundation Motherless babies home and Link-a-child.org.

Well it’s been a while so I thought I’ll let you all know what happened the last time…cos I’ll be needing your help this trip.

I should be going back home in a couple of weeks and I would love for some donations and contributions…

No! I don’t want you to send them to me…This call out is to  Naija bloggers and all that come to this blogsite to join me to make a difference no matter own little..

I have pictures of some of the gifts, toys and food that was donated to the kids on my last trip…a couple of our friends gave us (hubby and I ) some money to help brighten the kids room( would love to do more ) but will have to  start with the room they sleep and play in….

So we painted the room and put up some stick on kiddies characters on the wall and loads of toys for the babies…

Was not very happy cos “my baby Sola” had lost so much weight, but was reassured that it was due to teething…

At first I felt we did not do enough, but when I saw the kids light up at the sight of the toys… I thought to myself just little things like this can make a difference!  At first a couple of the kids were frighten of the soft toys..but later relaxed and started playing with them.

There is still a lot to do …They need new beds and mattresses, a couple of drawers for the kid’s clothes and to tidy up the room…and many more…

Please I am not asking you to send me money…..But contact Linkachild.org and request your donations/contributions of money/toys or food stuff for ….

Hope for all Foundation Motherless babies home.

I would encourage volunteers to please come/make yourselves avaiable and join linkachild.org and be part of this organisations; also for donation to the organisation to help support there continuous work in funding other projects and  supporting other orphanages…

So if you’ll like to be part of this in anyway

…get in touch with me- Refined74@gmail.com  

or www.linkachild.org

 NAIRA DONATION

GUARANTY TRUST BANK PLC

ACCT NUMBER2147732241110

ACCT NAME LINKACHILD LTD/ GTE

FOR BRITISH POUND DONATIONS 

BANK: STANDARD CHARTERED BANKCLEMENT HOUSE27 CLEMENT LANELONDON EC4N7AP 

 ACCT NO 01254512801ACCT NAME ECOBANK NIGERIA PLC SWIFT CODE: SCBLGB2LSORT CODE: 60-91-04

BENEFFITING ACCOUNT: LINKACHILD (ACCT NUMBER 4338691934)

FOR US DOLLAR DONATIONS 

BANK: DEUTSCHE BANK TRUST COMPANY NEW YORKBANKERS TRUST PLAZA13 LIBERTY STREETNEW YORK NY 10006 

ACCOUNT NO. 04087350 ACCT NAME: ECOBANK NIGERIA PLCSWIFT CODE: BKTRUS33 FED. WIRE: 021001033

BENEFFITING ACCOUNT: LINKACHILD (ACCT NUMBER 4338691926) 

Please notify by email amount donated and for which home or if the donor would rather have linkachild use their own discretion for use of  the donation .all emails should be sent to info@linkachild.org

What has been done so far…..

Toys…

lagos_2-001.jpg lagos_2-003.jpg lagos_2-004.jpg

The babies playing with the toys….but look at the state of their beds, help make a difference!

lagos_2-027.jpg lagos_2-038.jpg lagos_2-047.jpg lagos_2-078.jpg lagos_2-045.jpg lagos_2-035.jpg

lagos_2-040.jpg

Painted walls and stickers

lagos_2-070.jpg   lagos_2-073.jpg

Food stuff , nappies and Baby milk

lagos_2-050.jpg lagos_2-051.jpg

Things still in need of are beds, decent kitchen unit, bore-hole ( for clean water) so the Home does not have to buy water.

lagos-036.jpg  lagos-077.jpg lagos-083.jpg   Bore-hole (well) lagos_2-007.jpg lagos_2-008.jpg

.If you’re not part of the solution, you are…

Bebe, thanks for all your support 

PS: Will not be putting up any new posts for the next 2months….

Written by a Man, so take a hint!

 

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve to be treated then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant. Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man! Nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to complete you … A relationship consists of two whole individuals…look for someone complementary…not supplementary.

Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him, he takes you for granted.

Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar, but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies…..

You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

….this was sent to my mailbox sometime back. hope it’s helpful.

Is Romance necessary?…..To Romance Or Not To Romance ?

 

 A says:
Why do you want romance?
Is it because of other wives or because this would give you personal happiness?
I don’t think you truly understand your hubby when he says he is tired.
I have always wondered why some men who are matured, financially empowered and are ripe for marriage cringe at the word marriage. These are but one of the reasons;
The constant self cantered demands that are engineered from seeing other wives. If this man satisfy this romantic demand, I am sure you something else would come up;
Neighbour X’s wife is driving the latest Bima or she is wearing the best cut diamond.
Why not change those programs that constantly demand without taking the others into consideration?
 B says:
“What do you want romance for” you say
Incredible!…so money, and a big house, hard working and ambitions man is all a woman should desire in a marriage.
It is thinking like this that makes women have affairs with their driver, houseboy or any other available person that shows her a tiny bit of affection.
You talk about the makeup of a man….what about woman?
The older generation (our parents) a lot of our mother where never happy or enjoyed the relationship with their husbands…but they stayed (which is one thing this generation needs to learn) but they were not allowed or encouraged to say “this is what I like”.
They were taught duty but not the value of intimacy in marriage … sex was just for procreation not to be enjoyed.
The wife here is asking for romance from her own husband….the boy should be lucky she still looking at him for that…
Marriage is about growing  old together in every aspect of the relationship…romance and intimacy is very, I repeat very important in marriage … even the bible agrees, supports and encourages it … go check out the lyrics of my man Solomon!
A says:
You don’t answer my questions so I don’t know what to say but answer yours.
1) The woman is the one making the demands here not the man if it were the man I would say the man should understand the woman.
2) How do you know our mothers were never happy? What gives them this happiness the unending self centred demands. Women of old have learnt through this same societal influences to understand their hubby. No wonder the very minute percent in divorce rate as compared with the magnitude of divorce rate we have today.
3) The woman is taught duty not romance. i don’t understand what you mean by taught duty not romance. If a woman goes to another man for pleasure, then the whole concept of “FOR BETTER FOR WORSE”, that women keep on calling doesn’t come to play.
I don’t know about you but the fundamental issue here is the Self centred program running in the ladies system, this needs to be reverted to other-centred program.
Why quote Solomon of all people; I am sure you would not advocate your man to follow his route.
I think I have to rest my case

B says:
1) She is not making a demand; she is suggesting improvements for the enjoyment of her relationship with her husband.
2) I know that base on a majority of our mother relationship with her husband, a lot of us come from a generation where the man had women outside the marriage and the wife knew and could do nothing about it, The girlfriends outside the marriage satisfied a softer more “romantic” side for the men.
I know cos of the kind of advice you her them give … things like what you’re saying … all the attention and all the feelings to consider is for the man only.
Yes, I agree totally with you that there were fewer divorces. Our mother paid a big price for their children, but you see we the children will like to improve on what our mothers did, that is what progress should be all about. We have a lot to learn from our mothers, but still we have additions of our own and so will our daughters.
3) Long suffering, perseverance and duty to the family, to the collective was very much pushed…and remember a lot of that generation came from polygamous family, so the idea of one man one woman was not familiar…(the different wives satisfied different needs for the man) the younger the wife the more tender and affectionate.
I was not advocating affairs; all I was saying is things like this could contribute to that happening.
Both couple should desire intimacy in marriage…getting to know one another, what makes the other tick.( Love in action )
Solomon was not perfect…but he did things to that we could learn from.
A we are saying similar things…all I am saying is intimacy (romance encourages it) is just as important as duty, faithfulness, loyalty and longsuffering in marriage
A says:
I believe we would just keep going in cycles because you are adding various things that are not pertinent to the discussion.
Why do you say the mothers paid a great price?
I don’t want to go on and on but that paradigm is flawed.
Imagine a man goes to the farm, labours under the hot sun to provide for his family and comes back home and his wife (wives) want romance.
Romance ko, romance ni.
This kind of thinking would always end up in divorce – comparing you with another, demanding without taking the other person into account; this is the route to total disaster.
B says:
My dear,
it’s thinking like this that make people think that African men are not affectionate or romantic….I disagree.
We have words for love and affection, word that are endearing to ones love… i.e. in Yoruba language we have Ayanfe okan mi, Ibo language Ifunaya ( spelling may be wrong) :)  just to mention a few
(Please I would like any more to be posted, Ibo, Yoruba, Hausa, Edo ….) 
Any man that says his wife does not have need for romance should keep a good eye on her  cos – I no know who no like better thing! ( I don’t know who doesn’t like good things) 
 

In comes C saying:

I think A is trying to attack a root cause, and B is trying asking why the leaves are dry. I think the answer lies in a combination of what you are saying, then a little extra. Here are my views.
1. Yes I agree with the fact that a self centred paradigm will create issues. But I also believe that no matter how other centred you are, you can still trace it back to self. If a man and a child are in a place and a snake appears, the man will probably go for the child, pick her up and then run. This would show that he is not self centred right? Try putting his child and another, then you’ll discover that the reason he went for the child was because it was “my child”. People are selfish by design! We can try and work ourselves up to transcendence, but even when we are beginning to leave our lives for others, it is because we have a need to do it. We can only work around this, the ideal is a point we should all tend towards.
2. The need for romance is a real need. In marriage, husband and wife must settle down to understand each other’s needs (this is where they need to first be other centred, not the wife alone, both of them). An adage in Yoruba says that a man wouldn’t have pounded yam at home and disturb eba outside. The reason why couples begin to look for avenues to satisfy their needs outside is because a) they are immature and aren’t willing to try and try until it works and b) they do not have pounded yam at home or c) the pounded yam does not satisfy their needs anymore. I speak figuratively here. The reason why a guy or lady continues to remain faithful even when his or her needs are not being met is either a) he/she fears God, b) he or she is doing it for the children, c) the opportunity is yet to present itself, d) he or  she is a mungun ( fool)
3. If the guy labours all night, works all day, makes money for the house and the wife asks for romance… (I dare say when the guy works so hard, he rarely gets home and falls asleep, he wants something…but he wants it too fast for the lady. He has real needs, but is willing to meet another need, he feels after all i have worked hard and NEED this little favour )…he has met a basic need – food, shelter e.t.c – but there is still a need to be met, your wife needs a romantic husband. I think when you do a why analysis on the other centred paradigm, the bulk should stop on the man’s quarters. After all, even though Eve played a principal role in the fall of man, Adam was still held responsible. I think men need to get a grip. The number one reason family fail is weak leadership – and leadership doesn’t mean telling others how things ought to be done!
4. What is making divorce more these days is women liberation. Back in the days, they could just stick with it. Nowadays, the rights are equal. She can walk out as well. The generation of our grandmothers ( for we young people) stuck up with a lot of ****. The effect of this? Weak men and weak sons. And society is reaping the fruit of it. The generation of hit and run, the 2 mins indomie and microwave generation. Immature, weak willed, easily seducible men. I think Mr. Unromantic is the product of this generation. Why does he have to work it out at home, when he can simply go for a business strip and get more for less?
The family system needs healing, let’s raise a standard! Do I have a witness?
B says:
I bear you witness!!! Hear! Hear!
I agree totally with all you have said, bar one.
I don’t believe romance is a leaf issue but part of the root system.
In every marriage the couples should first be friends, friendly to one another, to achieve good friendship, intimacy will have to involve, time will be spent together, just like how to know God we spend time with him, we study His words so we know what He likes and dislikes, so we can be pleasing to Him, because we enjoy our time shared…this brings us closer to Him. We are then able to share and partake in His vision and purpose for us and others.
Romance is not just about flowers and cards and dinner dates…romance fuels friendship and intimacy which build a better relationship, which brings a couple together, makes them one in their attitude, it unites them….helps build trust. (Two necessary foundational bricks in marriage)
When a couple is united and they are `agreed, when the storms and winds come (which will come in every marriage at one time or another) they will stand!
So, this is why I still hold on to the stance that, romance is part of the root system in building a solid foundation in marriage.
A says

I don’t believe the romance that  B defining has anything to do with intimacy. She already narrows her choices to what she sees other wives doing which provoked my making my comments. She said she wanted flowers, cakes, etc and does not regard a man helping at home as romance. All is in the thoughts of the giver and the beholder.
If I spend time with my wife, gisting(making small talk), cooking together with her, going to the market and relaxing with films occasionally. If she is so happy with this arrangement, is this not romantic enough.
But then, the issue starts when she sees her neighbour getting flowers and cakes and the neighbour’s husband is not doing the cooking, gisting, etc. She is not privy to this info, only sees the cakes and the flowers and complains (excuse me, nags) that the man is Mr Unromantic.
What B wrote about is not a root issue; it is a paradigm issue – looking at another to define your happiness.
The relationship is heading to a disaster unless she repents.

B says:
“If I spend time with my wife, gisting(making small talk), cooking together with her, going to the market and relaxing with films occasionally. If she is so happy with this arrangement, is this not romantic enough”
A if your wife says to you her husband that all that is romance to and for her, then you are just fine with that for your relationship…( you communicate to your wife in her love language) she is happy and so are you, but if you ask her and she says that is not so for her, then as a good partner you should try to make sure that you are communicating the same or required love language of your partner.
I have never seen or heard where a couple are making effort to please one another ever end in disaster!

…the debate continues, what is your take?

Investment in re-connecting…The Wife,The Mother,The Lover too!

 

Romance and a good sex life help fuel a marriage, so it cannot be neglected. I think it’s a good idea that we recharge our romance from time to time to keep the flames going…

Sex and romance in marriage does not have to be boring and predictable, but fresh and exciting!

Before the romance rules of engagement in marriage are rolled out, what has to be in place first are the 3c’s

Communication…  Communication… Communication…

Honest communications of what each of you like or dislike. Your wants and needs. There should be time of experimenting, to get a feel for what suits you or your spouse.

 Other things  take up the time for romance in a marriage…kids, work, business or general day to day running’s.

We make time for the kids, work and church activities, but not for romance in our marriage…all our energy and time is spent on other parts of the marriage life and none for romance, then we wonder why so called happy marriages run into trouble, why the love is lost after sometime and you hear couples say “we have lost that spark we use to have” or “the honeymoon period is over”.

Why will it not be over and the spark gone when we stopped doing what kept the spark and made the honeymoon so sweet? Get all your senses going and begin…

The rules of re-engagement are as follows:

1) It is more than sex!

2) Sight… Turn your bedroom into a love nets (the bedroom is not just for sleeping) make it into your little oasis hide away. Decorate it with fresh flowers or artificial ones whatever suits your fancy…keep it clean and clear of clutter. Let you imagination run wild in there, remember it’s your hideaway oasis.

3) Smell…Get the room smelling fresh. Smell affects the way we feel and react, so get that going again…Find out about aromatherapy oils…a woman should always be smelling fresh…and guys we like you just as fresh and clean too.

4) Sound…Music is always a great mood changer… get the right sound going be it jazz or any other instrumental, find out what you both like to hear that is relaxing…Ladies, your voice is another great tool, so use it, tone it down if you naturally speak loud, let him know you are in a romantic mood by your tone and if you naturally speak softly … well your already a steps ahead.

5) Taste…They say the way to a man’s heart is his stomach, well if, even Esther knew that, and we saw how being the perfect hostess did the tick for her in disarming her enemy. Cook him is favourite meal just for him or surprise him with something different an example could be finger food, like feeding him fresh fruits (yes I said feeding each other)

6) Touch…Oh! Yes the touch…from the moment we are born the touch is important. When a child is hurt they run to their mother for a hug to comfort. We enjoy and look forward to this, be it by a hug, or a kiss or a caress. Touch helps form a connection between husband and wife, do you notice how when you are not happy with your spouse you don’t even want to touch them or be touched by them. I read an article that said a touch, like a kiss or a hug arouses the tiny blood vessel beneath the skin…(Be careful who you are touching o!) Remember it’s your own wife or your own husband. Giving each other massages is a way of connecting by touch, you can either learn how to give a good massage or just go with what you feel (it is all about the touch) so you don’t need to be an expert, but it can be handy in learning pressure points to add to the relaxation.

So let’s get back to the rules of engagement and reconnect with our HUSBAND OR WIFE. ( I know this is directed to my sister-friends but hopefully the guys can pick up a few things too)

… reinvest in reconnecting! Don’t just think about it….act!

If not married yet, good tips for the future..

Accuser of the brethren!!! Enterpreneur!!!and Pastor!!! REVEALED!!

…It’s Yomi Adegboye of yomisays.com blog, I dedicate this song to you ….listen to the words very well Sir!

 

In no particular order of importance …. 

Rick Warren, Billy Graham, BishopT.D. Jakes, Max Lucado, John Maxwell, Charles Swindoll, JerryFalwell, Benny Hinn, Pat Robertson, Joyce Meyer Paul Crouch, Pastors William Shaw, Rod Parsley, Robert Schuller, John Hagee, Kenneth Copeland, Reinhard Bonnke, Daivd Oyedipo,
Chris Oyakilome, Crefllo Dollar, Enoch Adeboye, Sam Amaga, Matthew Ashimolowo, Tom Samson, Kathryn Kuhlman,
Aimee Semple Mcpherson, Maria Woodworth Etter, Joel Osteen ….and many more

He calls all these people and their Ministry false teachers and deceivers.…Here are a couple of quotes from him about when his “eyes opened”  

 “ For years, I was deceived and entrenched in the Word of faith cloud. I devoured, believed and taught the materials of Hagin, Copeland, Dollar, Oyedepo, Oyakhilome, and the like. But somewhere along the line God got my attention.” “Then I ran into a website where the writer took apart the teachings of some of these men in the light of Scriptures”

 After the website “opened his eyes” he then decided to read his bible….hmm? should it not have been the other way round Sir?  

Women in Ministry….

“Structurally, we had women in pulpit roles. I saw from God’s word that this was an aberration – a clear deviation from Biblical teachings and examples.”

…after his experience with “this website” please listen to what changes he made in his church.

“Probably the hardest part of the entire process was the fact that ALL of us had to throw away so many things we had individually and collectively said that the Holy Spirit told us. This came up because as we studied God’s word, we saw that the Bible was clear on those issues and as such the Holy Spirit could not have told us – and certainly did not tell us – any of those things” ….( how interesting?)

…so how can we be sure about your new teaching now sir?

Now I have no intention in debating doctrine here with anyone, that is for yourself, your bible and the Holy Spirit ( Oops! Yomi does not hear from the HS anymore cos he is the new HS, thanks to the “website”)

Why I wrote this post is to say….

If the “Man of God” so loves the word of God and God’s children then he should remember we are one body, working together to bring Gods Kingdom down and show His grace, mercy and most of all Love.Why does he not send a letter, organise meetings and talk with his brothers/sister (Oops again, I forget women are not meant to preach the word of God)…. anyway his brothers and sit in love and the true edification of the body and “reason” together as the bible says. 

Question for you? Tell us O! Righteous one, WHO are the people that preach the word of God according to you and “the website”

Show us the way, for we would not know if you do not tell us….     

I Love You just the way you are….Really?

Yemisi was “the babe” in campus, slim figured long legs very attractive and brainy too. After graduation she married her Uni sweet heart Michael…he was equally fine in looks and brains, they both complimented one another very well ( well that was my opinion)

Now she and Michael had been dating for about 4years and engaged the last year…Michael was so in love with her and she to him… anyone that knew them could see that, they were inseparable. We all attended the wedding, a most romantic and beautiful affair.

So you could understand my surprise to learn that they were separated… you know how rumours can be. I did not want to believe, until this faith day, I was walking out of a supermarket on the high street when I bumped into Yemisi…the girl was like a  size 16 ….she was still pretty but I just could not understand her weight gain…we exchanged numbers and agreed to met up at her place for Lunch the following day.

We had a pleasant meal, then sat down to catch up on our lives… she came out straight with it and told me she was now separated and in the process of a divorce …the expression on her face said it all … she was still getting use to the idea and not happy about it at all.

She now had 3 children and was working with one of the Telecommunications company in the City….I had to ask her what the reason of the break down in her marriage, many things crossed my mind, could it be infidelity ( it is most of the time ) it could not be children, she had 2 two boys and a girl. To my amazement, she said… I became to fat for my husband o! What? Are you serious? I exclaimed… she continued that as she started having children the weight piled on and became difficult to shift… but her husband kept telling her, he loved her just the way she was so she did not feel the need to do anything about it…Soon he stopped touching her, sex was none existent until one day he said he did not want to be with her and that he did not find her attractive anymore, all this after 8yrs of marriage. She said she did all to loose the weight, but by then there was no love left in her husband heart for her…

I ask, should that be enough to end a marriage. Should that be enough to stop loving your partner?

Would a woman divorce, if her husband became over weight? Or are men only driven to love visually? I wonder?

Peace out all….Leave you with that for a couple of weeks

Calling grace home…

               

                                                   

“All your life you live so close to truth it becomes a permanent blur in the corner of your eye. And when something nudges it into outline, it’s like being ambushed by a grotesque” 

- Guildernstern

 

I really wish some women would stop fooling themselves. We live in a time where the truth is now up side down…we have become so cultured and advanced that we think we can question nature… yes! Nature. God made, God created, God Ordained Some things are so just because that is how it is made…there are exception to the rule, but that is what they are exceptions.I love getting in to dialogue with women that think they have all the answers… single, independent, up-wardly mobile and in there early to mid 20’s.They think they have all the answers… and because they may be successful in one area of there life,  now think that is all life is about… money and academic or career success…That is all good and I admire that and should be celebrated, but to deny that you are nurtures and  love beings, drawn to companionship is a lie!

It is sad that, in these day a lot of people are being raised in a single parent homes, some men are so iresponsible that girls grow up not knowing what is it to be look after, lovingly protected.  Instead they grow up guarded, wounded , scared emotionally and do not want to have anything to do with a man. They now feel like every man should be treated like dirt… To be used and dumped for there own sexual pleasure… (you are just hurting your self more) Some of these women feel, because of what they must have see or bad experiences by the re mothers or other women while growing up now don’t have value for a man( who can blame them)  But truth is truth no matter how distorted some have made it.

 Because of that they are resentful towards men and refuse to appreciate the difference in the sexes, the responsibility and /or ability. In this PC generation the devil has told a big lie and some have bought into it. Hook line and sinker!

 They say why should we marry?

So what if I have multiple partners, don’t men do the same?

I am using them not the other way round

When and if I want to have a child I will ask a gay friend to help be a sperm donor or go to a sperm bank.

I do not need any man in my life telling what to do!

My child does not have to have father.

 I am financially capable

Women make better lovers

What do I need a man for?

Oh! Woman you have lost your essence

Created you were to give balance

To add fragrance.

 However, you have been lead astray by what you see

By the hurts you experienced, that I never intended for you

Come back home daughter

And claim your crown and garment of honour, dignity and of beauty

Not just a form of outer adorning but of internal too

 Oh! Daughter come back and be that lone star which shines so bright

 Illuminating the path that we may go…

Of a high standard and grace…Ah! GRACE

DO you still know what that word means, daugthers of today?

Ishmael!

Birthing Ishmael!

We all will experience hurts, disappointments and even betrayal by the ones we love and trust sometime in our journey of life. I guess that is why it is a journey of many paths… We will come to crossroads and have to choose what direction is best to travel, some may be roads well travelled, so you  have an idea of what may lay ahead others may be uncharted territory, one you would have to trail blaze yourself and some may just be wrong to walk!

Relationships become important, close ones became valuable and relied on, we’ll sometimes let others lead us down there path, let them set the tone or pace  of your journey, until things start taking a turn for the worst and the feeling of trust gets violated, love broken. We start to loose the lustre in the relationship.  You just want to give up  trying  any longer, and for the moment to ease the pain….To ease what ever pressure you long for, a soothing ointment ( could  be drink, drugs, work or in the arms of another) but not the true “balm”. But we know we need soothing, release for the moment!

It is at this point I say call out! shout out! even cry out! to the one that has a greater and better view of your journey. The one that created and knows you ….Please! Do not faint, for in your  weakness is when He shows up in His strength on your behalf.
 Do not miss your call, purpose, and destiny by selling your birthright for a morsel of porridge (instant gratification).  Do not walk in bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment for this will only birth more pain and revenge, but wait!…………. Less we birth “an Ishmael”

What is birthing an Ishmael you say……

You will have to go the bible and read the book of Genesis 16-21.

To paraphrase …. Abraham and his wife Sarah  were very old and had no child of there own, but were promised by God that they would have a child. In the impatience of Sarah, she encouraged her husband to bear a child with her maidservant called Hagar; she gave birth to Ishmael meaning God hears. By the time Ishmael was a teen  Sarah took in and gave birth to her son called Isaac (you see Gods word never goes back to Him unfulfilled)
Sarah later made her husband send Hagar and her son Ishmael away, cos she felt had become a treat to Isaac her son and cos Hagar had taunted her all the years after Ishmael was born….
Today the trouble in the Middle East between Israel and the Palestine is all a result of Sarah’s impatience.

Let us not in our pain, heartache and weakness  take the law /retribution, payback, revenge in our own hands….
The Journey is long with bends and turns,  up’s and down’s, the bumps on the road are many!
Be encouraged!

*an Ishmael*………….a temporal solution that could cause long term damage.

Mars and Venus get your act together!

Mars and Venus get you act together…

Every man wants to be “Lord”… like it or lump it PC generation.
A man wants to be a “MAN” why does that sound negative now days when a man says that (if he is able to say it aloud) 
A man wants to feel capable, wants to be the first called to solve a problem especial that of his wife/partner, he want to feel he is in control… tell me why does that sound bad?

Ok… I agree that there has been some who have taken “being a man” to ridiculous levels, to mean dictators, abusers, bullies and tormentors to both male/female, to there children, wives, mothers, and fathers. THey, have helped turn “being a man” to  now sound like a curse word. I am not talking about those men… Infact I cannot call those men but animals in human skin …as Fela would say.

We are living in a time in society now where the sexes have been bluded, there are no defined lines drawn…Men can not be men, women don’t know what it is to be “WOMAN” the roles are all mixed up in the name of civilisation, enlightenment, advancement and lets not forget good old “POLITICAL CORRECTNESS”

Every man want to be respected, honoured, he desires it. Regard is what fuels him knowing that he is relevant and needed, this powers him on… for example, have you noticed how  a man would react in a situation of a car breakdown, especially if there are females around. Even if he has never changed a tyre before or knows nothing about cars, there is something that rises up within him to make sure he looks out for the female present( that is not being male chauvinistic or feel that woman are not capable …it’s just natural ( why fight it ) thinking like this shows how women go to the attack of such action to mean they are weak instead of the feeling of being valued enough to be protected and defended to be looked after and cherished. ( call me old fashioned we need some of that back)

These has sipped into the home and effected the social breakdown of the family (IMHO)
A parent should be made up of “whole” men and “whole” women, but what we have now are confused, unsure, emasculated men that don’t know what being a man is let alone what being a father consist of….we then have women on the other hand who I would say “self abuse” in the sense that they have no self worth or pride in there womanhood that they want to be men, not even in the good sense, but all the negative aspects exaggerated. They brag about how much they drink, there sexual exploit. They have become female larger louts, in the UK there are women that are proud to be called “Laddetts” … they curse more, there morals are worst than that of a street dog!

They believe in the spirit of “what is good for the goose is also good for the gander” NO! It is not!

It has be said “educate a woman you educate a generation” that also applies in proper conduct, behaviour and a healthy self-esteem and self worth.

These women have nothing feminine about them. In the corporate world they are more ruthless than there male counterparts, in marriage they are competing with there husbands to head the home, to make more money than there partner, striving to rise in there career ( all for the wrong reasons) all the time struggling to prove there worth, by doing instead of just being.

The so called “liberated” woman has lost all the grace and instinct of being a woman. She has so liberated herself  that she can not ask for help anymore so she self destructs and carries a whole generation along with her….

 You tell me, how can these two kind of people come together and raise a healthy, well-adjusted family that would effect there society positively?

….a messed up child becomes a messed up man/woman becomes a messed up parent will only add to the society a messed up child, and the circle continues… In addition, we wonder why the world is messed up!

Scenario.

Parents are both chasing money and career, to keep up with the “Jones’s” house help, domestic servant, nanny ( what ever you choose to call them) are raising the children who are always looking like they stepped out of a designers runway, decked in there designer clothes.  After school to be picked up by the driver, only to get home and have dinner prepared and served by the house help/nanny. Tutor comes for an hour (expensive education) the best money can buy!  Mom and dad back from work at 7pm children in bed by 8pm and the circle continues the next morning…
who is raising the next generation?

What do we remember and  hold on to about our childhood? Its not the toys or clothes or what car we were driven in, but (for those who where blessed to have it good) you remember love from your mother, protection from your father, the talks and stories they told, the hugs and the feeling of security around you that gave you the confidence that you could do anything you set your mind to….

Should I go on…No!
I don’t just want to rant and I don’t want it to be said that I was being judgmental, that everyone is entitled to live there life the way they choose….I am all for that, thank God for freedom of speech (that it self was fought a person at a time, but will leave that for another time) All I am asking is that we consider a healthy balance, cos what we do as individuals effects the collective.

We are all responsible for the state of things in the society (good or bad) so if we want a better future for all we would have to take a good look in the mirror and maybe have to re-evaluate some choices and decision.

Home calls!

What is happening to me? I feel so alive! Expectant and excited of the future. I love being a mom and wife and would not change that for anything, but I have always felt there was more to me.

I have just come back from a trip from home (Nigeria). Lagos has a way of bringing out my Alta-ego; I think I will call her PHOENIX,  she feels she can do anything she sets her mind to, ever rising, indestructible, larger than life and bursting to birth her creative side, her destiny and purpose.

 Truly home calls and all I do now is count my days. As a family we are ready to move back home, for personal reasons, to live! Not just, exist. It may not be your reality but it ours. We want our children to grow-up knowing there culture first hand to have a solid, rounded foundation, hubby and I just agree it is time to make the move (there are something’s that cannot be explained) you just have a restlessness that your unable to shake off.

For me personally I think the restlessness I feel is fast showing, that “thing” I could never articulate properly, of whats burning inside of me, some how it’s coming out now!I am going to shout it out… cos once it’s out I have no other way but to confront and deal with it, so here goes… “I am a frustrated artist”  that feels better, now let the transition begin!

This year the lover of my soul had already dropped in my spirit it was going to be a year of expanding boundaries and taking the limits off, stepping out…and having many a “walking on the water”moments….Wow! It sure has been that so far, and the year is not over yet!

“Life is either daring adventure or nothing” _Helen Keller

….so let the adventure being! Phoenix is rising!

“A life lived without passion is a life lived in unfulfillment and regrets”

….Moi.

Meet my baby Sola…

What can I say, Easter was blessed!
I was in Nigeria (Lagos) for the break- so much happening, so much to do
emotions array at times, but still most of it pleasant.
If you have been frequenting this blog, you would know I have a passion for
Orphans and the gift called adoption.
I am involved with an organisation called LINKACHILD; they collect data about
orphanage in Nigeria, help in raising funds and the awareness of 7million
orphans in Nigeria.
It was more than a privilege to be part of this team as I accompanied Sina (linka
child Administrator) Shola (volunteer) Ada (volunteer) to the registration of a
newly found orphanage called Hope for all in Igbo Efon, Lekkie. This orphanage
was situated in an affluent area with 10 or more “mega churches” flanked on the
major road, mega houses and estates too, yet it reflected nothing of its
environment.
The building was massive, but rundown, there was no running water, the long and
short of it is, its in need of a major make over. As we walk through the dark
damp hallway to the nursery where the babies slept my heart sank!
Looking at the states of there nursery, it took me back to what my kids room
looks like. How I taught about my kids room  and how I did’nt feel it was still as good as i’ll like it to be….( then I see kids that have nothing ) ….I taugth about how my kids left there toys about the place and me forever shouting “put your toys away”

 There was little or no toys, the beds they slept in were ok, but the
mattress and sheets were filthy.
As we were introduced to the babies and told a bit of there story of how they
came to be in the orphanage, I came across a baby that just touched my heart. I
saw her and felt in my heart say” I could have given birth to you ” as she laid
there on her back looking ever so serious at me, then making a bodily gestures,
as if to say “pick me up” ” I want to get out of here” I picked her out
of the cot, with her still steering hard at me trying to study my face , looking
deep into me she finally gives me a little side smile..as if saying I like you ,
with your funny colour hair and dangly earrings” ( oh here I go
puuuuuuuuuulllllllllll)  we fell in love or should I say I fell in love with my
Sola ( as she is called)
I carried  her through out the visit and when it was time to go, I found it difficult
to leave her there. All the babies were beautiful; they all   radiated from
within. I could not understand how evil had been able to get them here, but had to
encourage myself that God had a plan for each of them and was looking out for
them.
I was told that there were other orphanages that were in worst condition, at
least this one had a benefactor by the name of Father Adegbite.
I did go back to see Baby Sola again on Easter Sunday before service with my
Hubby, there we meet a lady that came to see a particular baby she found , the
day he was born.
Due to the way his mother  must have stood giving birth to him (head first and
standing)he suffer injuries to his head and was  brain damage when he was found.

Just like the first time, leaving Sola was heart breaking, and as we drove along
Lekkie  Epe-expressway going to church passing all the other churches and people,
church goers in their best “Easter” outfits all feeling good about themselves I
felt a bit bitter with us ( yes me included) .
How is the kingdom of God going to come  when we forget we should be effective
in our community and be truly salt to the earth.?
I was staying in this community over the Easter break so I knew the amount of
wealth spent in the said community. How some people saw it as nothing to spend on
another designer bag or pair of shoe that they did not really need or gold
earring and necklace set to add to their already large collection of jewellery
Or the thousands of Naira (Nigerian currency) spent on a night out or day at the
beach, I wonder just if each church donated one Sunday s offering once a month,
what a way that money would go, not just to this particular home but all the
others in the area, that would truly be obeying Christ commandment of Looking
after the orphans and widows. A true act of worship to God!
That is what I call effective Christianity!
I will hopeful have more pic’s for you to see  of the visit  to HOPE FOR ALL FOUNDATION babies home at the end of the week at
www.linkachild.wordpress.com
Please for any kind of donation or more information on how you could assist Linkachild
please go to their website www.linkachild.org

PS: No, I am not adopting Sola. (you never know   ) I just see her as a catalyst, as a point to keep me going and to remind me that every little counts…I may not be able to reach all the worlds orphans, but I can reach her and all the other babies in this particular home that I and my husband are doing all we can to make there lives just a little better!

The God of a second chance…He saved!

As I walk in this season of my life, I am just overwhelmed with the different extreme of emotions I am going through… form one minute feeling like giving up, of shame, despair and then excitement that it’s not all over, but a chance to “do over” a chance to make it better, sweeter and greater!!

So I thank the God of a SECOND CHANCE!!!

Loosed!

Devil you should have killed me when you had the chance…. 

When I walked out of God’s plan, out of His purpose and destiny for me, and let myself get tainted, diluted and separated from Him……to the point that when my Lord went looking; could not find me, only to see me bound and chained by my own habits that did not glorify Him….

 I was ugly and in dispair I was without the glory my Lord had put on me….Yet He came and paid the costly price to release and save me. You saved me, cleansed me, and started to prepare me. With my head down you lifted me.You told me (reminded me) who I was ….

You gave me beauty for all my ashes, joy for all my pain.You clothe me with your righteousness again!

You stayed with me to teach me how to walk with you, again! You restored my purpose for you loosed me!

 Devil you should have killed me when you had the chance….

‘Cos now, I am loosed! and set free!

Amen!

Authour:  Refinedone

HouseWife…what a waste!

I have a story to tell…

 

There was a young lady who got married had 4 children, decided to stay at home full time with her children has they grew. Her responsibilities included looking after the home and her husband.

 She was a graduate, very intelligent and business minded, but she loved being at home with the kids and did not see it as a scarifies, she enjoyed having the home just right for when her husband came in…

She had two other friends that where married and had kids… they made fun of her and called her “a kept woman” which she had no problem with, they found the fact that she got an allowance degrading (which she had to correct many a time, that she did not get an allowance)  but had no restrictions to the family finances, as she was responsible for the accounts and making sure the bills where paid.

When ever she was at a function or gathering of her husband clients or work colleagues, in the mist of career women, single and married ones, they always seem to, at first think there was something wrong with her cos, she introduced herself as a homemaker, which always  followed a pause… As if they felt they should speak to are like a child (cos maybe they taught she only understood baby talk) who knows! They would feel there was nothing she could contribute to the discussions.

But as conversation continued they would find out how intelligent and current she was… that would bring the next question…Why are you staying at home? you could get a nanny to do that job. You could be doing better things with yourself, using your degree and earning…  Instead of wasting away at home, and being dependant on your husband for everything.

She asked, tell me what is greater than the privilege to have a hand in bring up the next generation, not just preparing food and feed them, but feeding there minds, body and soul…getting to know your own  child. Experiencing there first experience… Do you think I sit around all day watching “Oprah”?

I enjoy  nothing more thanwatching my husband come home to a hot meal ready and waiting, he is reassured that his children are in the best possible hands.. He comes home to a neat and tidy house… He is not stressed about his home front cos he knows I have it undercover, so his mind is free to deal with the world outside his home; he is energized to go out again… After the world tries to beat him down, he knows his home is secure, safe and looks forward to coming back!

I am more than content she says… the first 5 yrs are important in a child’s development… They are the formative years and that is a part of life to experience too.

There would be stages they will not need me that much, but they would still be secure, reassured and confident to know I will always be there…

I ask what is wrong in being a stay at home mom, a full time mother or let just call it what it is….A HOUSEWIFE?

 

i leave you all to chew on that as i go chillout for the next couple of weeks!

 

A few good men…( thank God they are still out there)

…Just got this and had to share. 

Minister Joe Wright’s Prayer of the Opening of session of Kansas Senate.

“Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your
forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance.
We know Your Word says, ‘Woe to those who call evil
good,’ but that is exactly what we have done. We have
lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our
values.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and
called it building self esteem.
We have abused power and called it politics.
We have coveted our neighbour’s possessions and called
it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and
pornography and called it freedom of ___expression.
We have ridiculed the time-honoured values of our
forefathers and called it enlightenment.
Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse
us from every sin and set us free.
Amen!

The response was immediate. A number of legislators
walked out during the prayer in protest. In 6 short
weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is
pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only
47 of those calls responding negatively. The church is
now receiving international requests for copies of
this prayer from India, Africa and
Korea. 

This is the time to draw a line in the sand and choose,whose side are you on?

Hot or Cold no lukewarmness no sitting on the fence, make you stand… choose!enjoy the benefit or suffer the consequences…it’s your choice!

Brother sold Brother!

Slavery with all its horrors was still a plan of God! (Believe it or not)

This was what my pastor preached about on Sunday the 25th of Mrach(200yrs of the abolition of slavery in the British colonies). At first that did not go so well with me, just as I was getting over that he dropped another “truth” …( he did warn that most of us would not take to his next statement likely) Trust me, it did not with me, but you could not deny the truth.

He reminded us about Joseph and how his brothers first planned to kill him because of his dreams/destiny and favour he had with there father…but later decide to sell him into slavery … They did not know, nor care what would become of him. As the story goes Joseph favour followed him every where …In the donjons he had favour with his gift as a dream interpreter, from there to be made a citizen  and  a Governor and only subordinate to Pharaoh ( King of Egypt)  all this in  the land he was sold to as a slave.

Then we are told there was famine in the all the land …but there was food in
Egypt, because Joseph had been able to read the dream of the King that foretold the famine… anyway cos of all this Josephs family where able to come and get food and even relocated….Read the detailed story in the book of Genesis 39-47.

All this is said to let you know the plans of God in your life can be killed/aborted or destroyed…what God says, will be fulfilled, a seed that never dies will never ripe a harvest.

Why I decided to write this post was because in the post before this I said something about an apology….which I would like to take back.

That is not necessary for the plans of God for slavery will be fulfilled. The pathway of our Destiny… {Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes horror has to happen and we may never understand its purpose but, that God, He knows!}

When Jesus was born …King Herald killed child aged 2yrs and under just to prevent destiny… was God aware? Yes …Why did He allow that? I don’t know (I guess that is why He is God!)

Brothers sold Brothers … That was what my Pastor said that did not go well with me, Slaves from
Africa were sold by there own brothers( Africans)… No matter how hard that maybe for us to accept it is the truth!

This has caused division between Africans and West Indians to date…some feel resentful towards Africans for what was done to there ancestors.

We should not let division in our lives,  for the perfect will of God is still to be unfolded…Our dreams will still be fulfilled.

Brothers on different continents, of different shades, we are all still brothers, as I said before FORGIVNESS is the only way forwarded.

It’s turning around in my favour…

…This blog was not meant to be a personal journal like most out there, it was to be a means of service, and a stepping out into a place I have not been before…why am I saying all this, well cos I am about to share like a journal which this blogsite is not, but I have such an overwhelming feeling to share with all what is happening to me at this very moment …I feel the presence of the Lord to do this.

Coming out of a season and place that I would never have thought I would walk…and the mercy and grace of God have been Oh! So! Amazing…

Just when I think I have seen all of God in my life He shows me another dimension to Him…

At the moment what I am listening to is- Youthful Praise with James Hairston …and it is just speaking my heart every single song is just ministering to me, healing my heart and just putting in that place to hangout with God again.… (Worship for me is the way I fellowship and connect with my father and the lover of my soul)

I did not intend writing about this… but I just feel like shouting of God’s awesomeness in my life… No matter how I fall or fall short He still loves me…He will truly turn what the enemy plans to use to destroy/embarrass/cause pain that can sometimes be irreversible, all for good and the glory of Him!!… An incredible God deserves AN INCREDIBLE PRAISE!!!

The battle is in the mind for real…the distorting of truth that would cause the wrong decision to be made which would determine destiny… whoa!!!

I am all about DESTINY!!! and to allow destiny to nearly be destroyed by wrong decision based on the mind…  God, I thank you!!! You’re Incredible and I bless you.

 

 {praise break}

I love you lord with all my heart ….I thank you for mercy and grace …again I  say  you’re an INCREDIBLE GOD!!! 

During healing you’re very fragile… and start thinking your personality is to blame … No!  I am unique and God has made me so… you say to yourself… so if other takes advantage/ dishonour or take you for granted  cos of that,  is for them to deal with …

I am a very open soul… I easily take people in to my heart, so when that is bruised, it makes me question my personality…which in turn makes me lot more guarded than I would normally not be…

So why am I saying all this.. to be honest I don’t know,  just was so excited that when  I feel  low, sometimes so disappointed in myself ..That there is a God that loves me sooooo much and who’s forever forgiving, faithful and loving… so all I can do is to give Him PRAISE!!

 

And say Shabach to the rock!!! (Praise to the Lord !!!)

 

Adoption Story#3…( A Poem )

   

Introducing a writer with a heart, her unique style always real and flowing deep….

“Just alittle something I was feeling from an adotopted child’s point-of-view (if I were adotopted. What would I write about? ….What would I say?…)

www.asheselah.wordpress.com ….Authour.

BELONG.

I have her eyes
But I wake each morning
to see your smile
Light up my bedroom before dawn.You pinch his nose
but I smell like your smell
After a tight bear hug
when you come home from work
always providing the best for me. I’ve got her mother’s ears
but I hear the joy in your voice
The deep sighs of relief
When you introduce me
As your very own.My hands are big like his daddy’s
And his daddy before that I bet
Yet, it is your loving strength
That protects me
From all that’s wrong in the world
And getter worse.So, while I may have come from another
It’s fun for me each day to discover
That I belong to you
And you belong to me
And we belong with each other.

Copyright (c) 2007.  Ashe.Selah.  All rights reserved. 

Mother is Gold (full-stop)

Just sitting here watching an animation story about Mother Teresa with my children
…..telling a story about a woman that gave all of herself for others..
A woman that from childhood… by watching and listening to her mother learnt to be of service… to show love in action… to be giving.

As a child she once gave away her shoes to a boy that had none and walk home bear foot…  Freely she gave away, had no fear in doing that… for she knew her own mother would understand…
This same act was repeated on the streets of Calcutta after answering the call of God to leave being a Nun to become a missionary to the poor and outcast …This she did without initial provision from the Catholic Church.
She was a mother to the motherless… A mother to other young women that knew and followed her… She nurtured, and cared for the poor.
 She showed love in action giving up her life in service to others…

A mother is not just the one that carried you in her worm and births you.  
A mother is not just the one that nurse and weaned you as a baby.
A mother is not just the one that feed and clothes you.
A mother is not just the one that stayed awake when you had chicken pox, measles, or a high fever when you were teething or suffered the flu…
A mother is not just that one that cut the crust of you pack lunch sandwich (just because you did not like it)
A mother is not just the one that was at every dance, drama or ballet recital you ever performed with the loudness voice in the audience to cheer you on…
A mother is not just that one that scarified that high paying job that would have kept her away from spending time with you …
A mother is not just the one that worried when you where growing…Watching you as you developed, and worried if you would ever walk, talk or read like every other child your age…
A mother is not just the one that dreams of a great future and would suffer any pain just to prevent you experiencing it.
A mother is not just the one that would work 3 jobs to make sure you have that dress for your school prom… 
A mother is not just the one that taught you how to cook (be it grudgingly) saying “no man will marry a woman that can not cook”
A mother is not just the one that advice you to be a responsible man and how to treat your wife.
A mother is not just the one that would lovely watch you sleep at what ever age and her heart melts and a sigh of Ahh..
mother is not just the one that carries her grandchild lovely and prays for a greater future… NO!

A Mother is all that and some…

What is a Mother to you?

To mine I say … HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
To all those women that have contributed to make me who I am so far …I salute you all!

To every single mother that has had to do it all by herself …I salute you!
To every mother that has loved and called into her heart a child not of her blood.. I salute you!
To every mother that has fostered child/children I salute you too!!

Thanks for sharing that gift called Love…for a mothers love is not a bond that can be broken!

Happy Mothers Day! (UK) 18th Of  March 2007

An Adoption Story…

I came across this site some time back and was totally blown away by the writing…when I went on to read the other articles to my amazement the author was talking of her process of adopting a child from Nigeria… and yes the couples are Nigerian too!

This is just an introduction of the subject of her and hubby’s adoption of there baby boy “baaboos” ( I just love his little nickname)

 “I am going to Naija in two weeks time, or sha by the end of the month. I should be in Naija until next year. It is going to be hard for Boo and I because he is going to be here most of the time. He will go back and forth. Well, it will be hard for me sha. I don’t know about him. But, I will miss my man, especially because I don’t really know when I will be back exactly. Okay, this is why. I have been hinting you guys about our adoption move. I was not really ready to talk in great detail about it. Even now, I am not really ready. When we went home, we visited a number of orphanages and motherless babies homes with a view to identifying a baby boy for adoption. Yes o, boy. Boo has always wanted a son and I just want a healthy baby. I wanted a daughter first but, where I am at right now, healthy baby will do just fine. There were so many administrative hiccups and a disturbing lack of frankness in certain places we visited. In the end, we identified a baby boy that we liked in a place that we were comfortable with. He is a cute little thing, with long limbs like my Boo. They told us the story of how he came to be there: life is hard. He was crying when we first met him. I wish I could tell you that I carried him and he stopped crying immediately. For where? The small man continued crying, o. It was actually quite embarrassing that he did not take to me, immediately. My Tanzanian friend, Charity and her Dutch husband, Jaab adopted two babies from
Tanzania after trying for years to have kids naturally. When Cha-Cha (as I call her) tells you the story of the adoption of their first child, you will just be crying. She talked about how when she and Jaab went to the orphanage, the baby was crying and as soon as she carried him, he stopped. She says that is how she was sure that that was their baby. Well, this baby did not give me any such assurance. He continued yelling his head off when I carried him. But, Boo and I took a liking to him all the same. I can still hear the sound of his cry now. I think there is a determined strength in that cry. My boisterous little one who will not keep quiet until he gets what he wants. Just in case you are getting any ideas, on that day, what he wanted was food. Eventually, he allowed Boo to give him a bottle”……

 Please go to http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/soul-sista-diary and read more.

I recommend Mummy and Baboos   Mixed Blessings, You and Me and Who Said Family is Easy?

I wish you all the best Soul-Sista, Boo and Baboos!

Before we even think about adoption…. Please let’s look after the Orphans!!!

As promised the interview….its long but an eye opener

Refinedone: Hello
olusinabelle: Hi Angela
Refinedone: …Hope this is a good time?
olusinabello: no way its a good time
Refinedone: Thanks for your reply.. Most appreciated
olusinabello: my pleasure
Refinedone: So where do we start…
Refinedone: I would like to take this first as an interview…
Refinedone: then we can expand with other stories.. If thats good for you?
olusinabello : ok
olusinabello : lets shoot
Refinedone: …First I’ll like to thank you for responding as you did…
Refinedone: Could you please tell me about what you do for Linkachild.. And how you got involved

 Meet the Administrator….

olusinabello : well I started working with link* ( linkachild)
olusinabello : as a volunteer sum three yrs ago
olusinabello : or let me give a background on myself…
olusinabello : If that’s ok?
Refinedone: Please do…
olusinabello : My name is Olusina Bello am 31 male ..single for now
olusinabello : I have a degree in history & international relations
olusinabello: I love reading , writing and doing research work
olusinabello : I also enjoy sports , soccer, basketball, volleyball, chess and snooker
olusinabello : I also am an avid runner
olusinabello : professionally I work with linkachild as the administrator
olusinabello : I am responsible for the day to day running of linkachild
olusinabello : and I report to the board of trustees
olusinabello : administration, liaising with the donors and the homes..

Adoption  in Nigeria…

Refinedone: Adoption is an issue I have a great passion for… what would you say is the response like in Nigeria Fostering and general attitude to Orphanages. I was in the country a few weeks ago… and saw something in the News about Orphanages… and the help needed…that did get to me
Refinedone: How does Linkachild help ?
olusinabello: Adoption in Nigeria is generally not as organised as it is in Europe and America
olusinabello : fostering is almost non existent
olusinabello : it works on paper…but in real life it doesn’t work that way
Refinedone: Please explain..
olusinabello : so many issues need to be tackled
Refinedone: I would think mindset would be one
Refinedone: cultural mindset that is…
olusinabello : the general structures are eroded, there is a general malaise in the system. In Lagos it takes between 2 months to 24 months to start and finish an adoption process
olusinabello ): the red tape and bottlenecks are too hectic
olusinabello : but those who persevere in the end get it

Link-a-child steps in…

olusinabello : as per linkachild we are not an adoption agency
olusinabello : we only assist those seeking to adopt by linking them with homes where they can get kids to adopt
Refinedone: but you work closely with Orphanages?
olusinabello : yes we do
olusinabello : the process is regulated entirely by the ministry of women affairs
olusinabello : we presently have about 86 homes on our database
Refinedone: What would you say are the challenges we have in this area… of Orphanages.. Do they get any Government funding? And how is it regulated?
olusinabello : Government homes get minimal funding
olusinabello : private homes rely on whatever they can find
olusinabello : That’s where we come in
olusinabello : we try our best to raise funds
Refinedone: I have to thank you so far for your time…
olusinabello: from October to date we have been able to raise about 1.2million Naira for different homes in our database
olusinabello : You are welcome
olusinabello : am glad I can help

Catholic church and Muslim women group….

Refinedone: I would like to know what practical assistance linkachild needs at the moment?
olusinabello : well for one we bear all our admin costs ourselves 100% of donations are sent directly to the homes. 
olusinabello: we don’t take anything for ourselves ..Which is against the normal convention?
Refinedone: wow!…
Refinedone: What about help from the Religious sector?
olusinabello : a lot of the homes are run by religious organisation ..The Catholic Church is very strong in that regards
olusinabello : also some Muslim women’s group run a number of homes
Refinedone: good to hear…

Funding…

olusinabello : however the major challenge as always is inadequate funding
Refinedone: why?  I wonder in a country like ours.. That should not be a challenge
olusinabello: we are trying to get steady funding to meet basic needs , food, clothing , shelter
Refinedone: Exactly how do you go about getting funding?
olusinabello : its an endemic issue of corruption
olusinabello: we solicit from donors and individuals by making representation  to them on behalf of the homes
olusinabello : for example we were able to get an oil exploration firm Addax Petroleumto build a water & power project for a home in Imo state
olusinabello: we also have successfully lobbied an auto firm , they will be spending 1 million naira each on two homes to help them improve their infrastructure
olusinabello : that’s roughly about $10, 000
Refinedone: Good News. And none of this is funded by our Government!
olusinabello: another bank is committing to spend about $120,000 this year on 6 homes
olusinabello : all that is private initiative instigated by linkachild
Refinedone: I celebrate your work….
olusinabello : don’t know if you heard Beyonce Knowles is  in the diamond association by making a donation of $10,000
olusinabello: to linkachild on behalf of Beyonce knowles
Refinedone: I read that on your website…
olusinabello: we hosted her to a party with some orphans during her visit to Nigeria in October of 2006
olusinabello: yep
olusinabello: so we do try to throw our weight around
olusinabello: but indeed we can do more
Refinedone: Yes of course!!
Refinedone: there is always room for more…
olusinabello : we need more funds to be able to reach more homes and more pple
olusinabello: we need to advertise and let more people know bout us
olusinabello: we need billboards , radio and television adverts
olusinabello: and you know all these cost money
olusinabello: most of our overheads go into travelling and visiting the homes
olusinabello: we can say proudly that we are the only organisation with up to date info on almost 90 orphanages in Nigeria
olusinabello: even the government doesn’t have the kind of info we have
olusinabello: all this we update regularly
olusinabello: from next week am off to the north for 5 days to supervise some of our projects and update info on some homes
olusinabello: so you see we need all the help we can get

Celebrate the trustees, staff and volunteers…

olusinabello:  This might shock you, apart from our trustees we only have two full time staff
Rrfinedone: paid staff?
olusinabello: myself and my colleague a female
olusinabello: yep…
Refinedone: the rest?
olusinabello: 3 volunteers for now
Refinedone: please what is her name.. She should be celebrated too
olusinabello: Herrietta Agboifo
olusinabello: but really its not about us
olusinabello: if people must be celebrated its the trustees
olusinabello : who put there money where their mouth is
olusinabello : they fund the work of linkachild and that itself is something

Closing comment…not quiet

Refinedone: What would be your closing comment on this issue… what would you like to pass on to others and hopefully encourage ppl to get involved one way or an other… if adoption is not an option at the moment and the fostering is not being regulated.. What about sponsorship….Volunteer work and contributing financially
olusinabello : from conservative estimates their are about 7 million orphans in Nigeria
olusinabello : let me correct a notion adoption is a viable option
olusinabello: its just that its a bit muddled presently
olusinabello: and it takes a lot of red tape
Refinedone: hmmm..
olusinabello: we welcome volunteers and sponsorship
olusinabello: the situation here is critical

HIV Babies…

olusinabello: HIV babies are cropping up
olusinabello: its not like its the end of the world don’t want to sound like an alarmist ..But truly we need to start paying attention to that epidemic, some kids are dying needlessly
Refinedone: That is self is an issue of its own
olusinabello: any agency or individual who feels like helping can get in touch wit us
olusinabello: yes indeed it is …
olusinabello: we just want to get as many pple involved as possible
olusinabello: there is so much to do and too few labours as the bible says
Refinedone: Well… we are going to have to break it all down… you have opened my eyes to so much
olusinabello : if we cant save everyone
olusinabello: at least lets save as many as we can
Refinedone: before we even start talking about adoption.. Just looking after the Orphans is what we should be tackling
olusinabello : yes most definitely
olusinabello : adoption should be an end product of being an orphan
olusinabello: but if we don’t keep the kids alive long enough for them to be adopted what happen…
olusinabello : we lose them
olusinabello : so while not neglecting adoption lets look
olusinabello : at how we can take care of the babies who are being dumped almost on a daily basis
Refinedone: my head is spinning with all the info you are dishing out … my heart just aches
olusinabello : Angela, if you  have seen the kind of pain I have seen in those kids
olusinabello : u cant help but feel passionate
olusinabello : its really heart wrenching
olusinabello : when you see a 3 day old baby on a rubbish heap
Refinedone: I saw an abandoned baby on tv .. still with the cord attached to her
olusinabello : left to die
Refinedone: I just cried
olusinabello : there are many like that almost daily
olusinabello : to see a kid die of HIV thru no fault of hers is even worse
olusinabello : I mean all the pain and suffering just because she couldn’t get anti retro
olusinabello : after a while u stop crying and get angry
Refinedone: Anti retro?
olusinabello : anti retro viral drugs
olusinabello : HIV medicine….
olusinabello: 80 % of kids wit HIV can’t get d drugs
olusinabello: cos most of them are in the villages
olusinabello: jus last month we had to transport a 3 yr old boy from his village to Lagos to get d drugs cos the doctors won’t dispense any drugs without seeing the kids in person
olusinabello : That is why linkachild becomes important
olusinabello : we give a credible outlet to get involved
olusinabello : we can guarantee that their donations will be getting to those who need it
Refinedone: Thank you so much for this Mr Bello …
I personally would like to celebrate the trustees of www.Linkachild.org  well-done and keep on doing what you’re doing…
To quote Mr Olusina Bello “they put there money where their mouth is” you did not just talk the talk but you have also walked the walk..

Trustees:

Mr.Oluwatoyin Subair
    – MD/ CEO Entertainment Highway Ltd,Principal Partner of Abraham & Co
Mr. Nzan Ogbe
    – MD Makarios Nig Ltd
Mr.Olanrewaju Kupoluyi
    – Director, KOS World
Mrs Toyin Bello
    – Director, TY Bello Photography
Mr.Mena Ajakpovi
    – Partner, Abraham & Co.
Mrs.Ololade Ososami
    – Managing Partner, Abraham & Co.
 

Adoption….An Option

…Back to the topic of the season

I still ask …Is adoption a western idea?

In this series we all are going to be learning together, getting information and hopefully making the awareness of  Orphans, Orphanages, Adoption, Fostering and even Sponsorship ( I’ll elaborate on that much later) in Nigeria. The different types of adoption processes will be discussed as well as the challenges…

I ask, cos I don’t want to be accused of making assumptions..But why is adoption not widely an option to couples that are not able to have children of there own?

Why are Orphanages not given the support needed? Be it financial or just celebrated and encouraged.

Why In a country where there is always a wedding, or some form of celebration going on every weekend…people love to talk about there expensive designer bags, shoes and all…In a country that people go on 2 to 3 holidays a year and not blink at the expense…  looking in the magazines when I was in Lagos …with the cream de le cream styling and profiling and just loving themselves… and I asked; If only people that have contributed/donated (not) even there time but maybe the cost of there “aso ebi” or there trip to Dubai/UK or where else they go.

 …Ok I am going ahead of myself here… will come back to why I think those that have are way to self centred and self obsessed …{ These are all my opinion and not of  Linkachild.org }

 

Very shortly I will be talking to the people in the know, about this issue.. Till then I’ll leave you all with a taste of things to come….

 “Linkachild as an organisation primarily focuses on linking donors with those in need, which in this case are orphanages, invariably we get requests regarding adoption issues, however we are not an adoption agency, we only advise and assist. Presently we have 36 states in
Nigeria and can u imagine that each state has its own different adoption policy, coupled with the fact that the federal government has placed an embargo on inter state adoption. this will give you an idea of how muddled the system is down here, this restrictions came  about  due to many cases of abuse and in some instances rape, forced marriage, abduction and trafficking of adopted children”

 Coming soon a more in depth Interview with BELLO OLUSINA CHRISTOPHER (Linkachild Administrator)   

Ours by choice…The Adoption story

….As Easter (resurrection Sunday) rolls by real soon, I could not help but think about a topic that is dear to my heart; Adoption.
 The process of adoption is when an individual - whether relative or not – assumes parental responsibility for the child of another.
For those that are born of the spirit and “adopted” into the kingdom of God as sons and daughters…we have all and full legal inheritance rights to the kingdom of God, with this we enjoy the privilege of protection and love of the family of God.
Esther was adopted by her uncle Mordecai at the death of her parents; Joseph adopted Jesus as his own in the eyes of man and God which gave Jesus legal claim to the Davidic throne (line of King David)

Adoption is divinely authorised, God-blessed and legally binding means for adding to the family and passing on the family inheritance…

“O redeems those who were under the law, so that we may be adopted as sons with full rights” (Gal 4:5)

“He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will” (Eph 1:5)

….Since we know this entire, why is the church not in front leading the idea and issue of adoption.
The prayer lines of those seeking the “the fruit of the womb” grows daily. Women doing all sorts all in the hope of bearing a child.

Please do not get me wrong or feel am being unsympathetic, I have 3 children of mine and could not imagine not being able to have kids of my own, but when I think of all the beautiful babies in orphanages and motherless babies homes my heart aches. and is sadden, these are options that are not even looked into at all, so I ask is adoption a western idea?

 My husband and I are agreed on adopting at least 2 more children to our family and fostering as many as we can…

As you ponder I’ll leave you all with this story based on real events….

Boy crying under a bridge, two women passing by, filled with compassion they stop to ask the boy of about 14yrs what the matter was?
The boy explains that he was brought from the village to work as a house help (servant) and had to runaway because he was being maltreated. Not having anyway to go back home, for he had no home to go back to, no family that wanted him or cared.
The sister asked if he would go with them, one of the sisters, the older one asked him to come and stay with her whom he agreed.
As time went on the boy again was being mistreated by the older sister, he complained to the younger sister who too could see the treatment he was receiving and was not happy about it. The younger of the sisters took the boy into her own home after convincing her husband to agree ( he was concerned that they knew nothing about this boy) the younger of the sisters and her family lived in a humble 3 bedroom flat with 4 children at the time, both couple were bankers.
In the evenings the boy went to night school, and progress to study accounting, through all this time he was still serving the family…he had become part of the family, not a houseboy, to the point that when 3 other children were born in the family he practically raised them, the kids were so close to him that most nights the 2 younger ones were found sleeping in his bed … (they never knew him as nothing else but there big brother).
That was how things continued, they boy grew to a responsible young man and the sister helped him get his first job as an office junior in the bank she worked in. As time went and he graduated, the Youngman got a job with a bank and gradually progress and promoted into management and was doing well for him self….
When it was time to marry the younger sister and husband stood as Mother and father for him in marrying his wife, by default he had became the first child of the family …he help build the couple, who have now became family, there first house, he looked and is still looking after them, all his children refer to his adopted parents as Grandma and Grandpa.
 As the children grew they started asking questions (as children do) …”If you are my daddy’s mother and father why do we have different surnames”? This was the same question the younger sisters’ children asked to…why did you and daddy never legally adopted “Big brother”?
 
One of the children believed that the Nigerian mentality would not have allowed it… the extended family (who did not even know it was the Youngman that built the house they live in now) were showing concern that this Youngman is not your blood child, how will you let him inherit your property…or why would you bring him to family meeting as you first son?

So I ask can we truly adopt in Nigeria?

Can you only love your blood child/ children?
What will happen to all the children in orphanages around the country?
Why are couples that can’t have children not adopting as an option?
Is adoption a western idea?More on Adoption, Fostering  and more information on orphanages nearest to you, please contact www.linkachild.org

The little things matter…so I say thank you!

Thank you! Thank you!! ( have a cookie on me ) 
 To all those that took time out to wish me a happy birthday!
 Thanks to all that took time out to send me a greeting via my blogsite, email, text message and calls.
Thanks to those that took time out to get a gift for me…you did not have to but you did….so again I say thank you.
Bebe…thanks for my cards, gift, love and graciousness…most appreciated.
To all again I say “thank you”May we all see the year through and step into destiny.
….as you celebrate others so will you be celebrated!!

Eko trip…Val’s day…B’day…

Wow!! First I must say I enjoyed my trip to
Lagos, the heat, crazy driving, crazy town but I love it still.

My Valentine day started with 2 text massage from my bebe…
Had to leave the mainland for the Island early to bet the rush hour traffic on the Island (you know what happens to the best laid palns)   any how my 6ft something nephew of mine was both chauffeur and appointed bodyguard( instructions from hubby and believe it or not his dad)  well lets get to the “koko” of the matter….we had some battery problem and had to be fixed on the busy road, was there for over 3hrs… once we got it fixed ( or so we thought) not more than another 100 or so meters  the car broke down again…this time on a major road under the bridge in an area called Bonny camp…( would have been nice to have had company to while away the time when my nephew left me to go and sort-out the car)
He eventually got it fixed but was now getting  late for  him to take his girl out for Val day…so Auntie had to step in, and not to make my boy look like he was begging …I had to call the girl and explain why he had not seen her all day and may not be seeing her that night…We did eventually go and pick her up and went to a really nice hang out in Omole called “Mamas”….had a nice time, food was good and Arsenal were playing well against Bolton…so all was well in my world. Considering the way the day had started…
Now to “D” day… my birthday…..Did not start very well but had to get myself  together, had a date with my daddy who I  had not seen  in about two years..(Yes! I am a daddy’s  girl)    he was the first man in my life and he did leave a good impression on me , so when it came to picking a life time partner his was most of the criteria I used to pick……intelligent, God-fearing and one physical attribute ..I always loved my daddy’s shoulders big and strong and always made me feel safe.
In the mist of all this my kids called to wish me happy birthday …which I found a bit overwhelming cos this was the first time I would be away from my kids for more than a week, so hearing them made me abit teary…
Anyway I and my Dad  had lunch at a place called Swallows on Opebi in Lagos…lovely place, food was good service was even better…all in all it was a pleasant day and I thank God for the opportunity to spend  it with my dad!
…Remember the little thing matter.
The” please” “thank you” and “I love you” spending time with your loved ones and letting them know how much you love and care about them…do not assume they know!  always let them know…as the saying goes “you never know what you have until you  loose it”…so don’t wait till then let them know, say it as often as possible.
  

The “A” Team…(you had to be there to understand)

 Pain can be good…Tears come after Joy…

Have you ever lost something that you thought you had already lost only to find out that you where just about to loose it for real…? (If that make sense to you, then you have been there).
We make decision to help, protect oursleves, or stop other people hurting us…
We rationalise wrong decisions, cos we are in a pain or afraid.

This month we are talking all about LOVE
I am just going to write without qualifying what I am saying, I just feel the need to do this; so if someone gets something from it… so be it.

The girl loves to be loved…, loves hard work and determination: big attraction.
The girl was young when her heart was given away for ever, but let’s tracks back…

Before then, the girl was looking for love in all the wrong places, she had nothing else but that to Have you ever lost something that you thought you had already lost only to find out that you where give (she did not know that at the time) you see how the best things about you can be blinded by you …. Just before girlfriend’s heart became cold and shut …love walked in … lovewalked in so different from what GF was use to…lovelooked different, spoke different , did not real fit GF ideal…but she gave it a go…love said “ what do you have against  a men taking you out for dinner and bring you back home in good time” love said I know about the others that took your love and could not appreciate it for the gold it was, I promise to wipe those tears away’ not to be remembered again…promise to look after you with all my love ….( at this point GF was not really ready to open up again, but was curious to see what would happen .
Loved was constant, love was solid, and was always there….GF felt protected, valued, possessed, content and poured out!… did not feel vulnerable or afraid to LOVE!

As GF  fellowships  with love, and found out that GF could be loved for real… love brought yellow roes, art materials, and counted the copper coins to cover and provide for GF, she loved love even when other could not see what love could offer. But GF did!
In the mist of all the love, there where clouds of darkness (sometimes) but too often (chipping away) the glow of Love…At that time GF felt (rightly or wrongly) that lovedid not love GF anymore in their special way! Too many criticisms, too many let-downs, explained way …always explained…always explained…was it necessary? (Will find out)

…..then what happened, love started chipping away from GF …Little by little, little things… Little things…
Harsh words, a hard thoughts,  lots of little excess, no control. love started to shake…I think Love forgot “I’ll wipe the tears from your eyes” and stated to bring tears to GF the pain….the pain…
OK! So the wounds would heal, the heart forgiven… was love taking GF for granted or just had other things on the mind….did life come in and  steal the atmosphere of their love? Did they both take their love for granted and not guard it with all their heart?

….anyway, time passed, blue clouds and dark clouds came and went…the rains came and sunshine shone as hearts are broken and mended, broken and mended…healed hearts with scar tissues building around…the heart.

(Let’s not forget the God factor!!) That was only what was holding things up, together and somewhat moving… hope was driving the bus (maybe trust, patience, courage and faith should have been passengers too)

For as time passed GF decided…why must my heart keep on breaking? …yes there were fun times…plenty …so much fun, so much births have come and gone. Blessings that could not be returned and responsible for…
As we where saying GF made a decision that what would make or break the love (she never knew)
A heart that has felt betrayed (I say felt…cos that is the deception here), been bruised but had a high sense of duty would look for a balance, for sanity, for numbing the pain past or expected… (Does all that make sense?) well so it was…..

….so here comes he that is good at magnifying your supposed pain and bruises to the level of destruction of one’s self…you know him…the enemy of LOVE…the usurper of life …the life source of darkness …in his disguise as a solution.

…watch here as he set the stage for his devastation…in come the players onto stage.
Love….
GF….
“The solution”
Their love…
The birthing of their love…

All to be destroyed.

GF says…love it lost, fast spent and not ever going to see just me again…but we have a duty to do
Love is brilliant on duty…you cannot fault Love on that…nothing special anymore but duty.

Love on the other hand says …yes! I have not been fair, I have seen the light…I have a plan to go back to my promises…to lift GF again… (but the evil one has plans)

The solution… did not even know was a pawn in the distractions of the Love for love and GF and even ”Solution” (how sad).

…..Solution come just as GF decision is made…soon GF feels this balm for the pain past and the pain to come…
The evil one( EVO) dressed “solution” in the old clothes of love…( you guessed it GF is  deceived and so is solution) as always EVO tells you he is giving you what has been taken from you when you had it all the time…for when you take it then you lose everything!

In comes riding on His white horse wielding his sword, exposing and causing what seem like distruction…in the commotion ….in the mess….in the confusion….in the pain…in tears … in the breaking ..There is a pouring out of Truth! The lies are exposed!  Love and GF are saved… even “solution” is saved form a future that would have been smeared …
….so do I have a conclusion? No…you make yours.

But I have this to say ….before any major decisions, make sure HOPE, FAITH, TRUTH, PATIENCE, Unity OF MIND, and COURAGE AND LONG-SUFFERING ARE driving and riding on the bus….

PS: 11 days to go o!

February….Love, Valentine and Moi!

Ok guys… We are going to be talking about my favourite topic Love, as we go into the month of February, the season( yes! season, cos it should not just be aday) of Valentine is not too far, I love the month February for another special reason… it’s my birthday month too  :)  Yes ! The 16th of February “18yrs ago” (yeah! right!…in my dreams, so please let me dream) an angel was born :)  moi …..and so for these reason I’ll hopefully be having contributions of love poems or poems about love from my blog family and loved ones all on my other blogsite at www.refinedonelyrics.wordpress.com  (so check it out) to celebrate this special month.

PS: did I say it was my brithday month too…(wink, wink)

An act of love… 
We have established that Love is not just about feelings…there are many degrees of Love, but the best kind is the Love of God… unconditional.

What way can we show love?
It’s be said … love is kind, so I ask what is kindness?  Is it just being nice, the act of kindness is a show of love … i.e. simple things like saying your please and thank you’s. To acknowledge and show gratitude that is love.
To remember to thank your parents for giving you life… for nurturing you, educating you, and generally looking out for you … (whether you believe they did a good job or not)
To remember to say thank you when a meal is placed before you or something nice is done for you or to you…
Every time you don’t loose your temper and controlled your self… That was an act of kindness, just being polite is also an act of kindness. We perform acts of kindness with out even knowing it…that is why I don’t appreciate cursing or swearing … it’s just rude and show a lack of care to another, it’s not polite and personally it just shows a lack of manners. I don’t think it’d fashionable or “cool” it would be “cool” to expand your vocabulary and find another word to express yourself….. Anyway back to Love being the key

I believe the best show of your faith is all about how much love  you show (you can not hind or fake it).
A true follower of Christ is not just  one that goes to church 3 to 4 times a week including Sundays, can quote every passage of the bible blindfolded, speak in tongues or heals the sick…all that is good, but how friendly are you with you next door neighbour that’s of another  faith, when last did you go out of you way to drop a brother  or sister after service or when last did you go and do the weekly food shopping for that single mother that lives down the road or mentor /befriend that youngman or woman so you could impact another life…. These to me are act of kindness, and and reminds me love is kind…

AS WHITE AS SNOW…

 

 

Ok! guys where do I start?  …. I guess from the beginning (some smarty-pants would respond)
 Didn’t intend to write this, so I guess thats the best kind of post to put up. Hubby had to travel on a business trip so I was sort of awake as he was getting ready, once he left I thought I  would get back to sleep…but some how I couldn’t.  I tossed and turned for a bit…with things I shouldn’t be thinking about racing through my mind..( worries that I should have left on the altar for God to deal with)  thoughts of where I had fallen short or missed the mark…..So I decided to get up and make myself a hot drink, then maybe I’ll feel sleepy again…but low and behold what do I see as I looked out my window, but snow! the first fall this winter…the whole landscape covered in a bed of delicate clean white fluff…how beautiful it all looked, even the garbage cans too looked beautiful in the blanket of white snow, I could see the footprints of an animal (most probably a fox, cos no dog owner would let the pet out this early) as I stood looking out the window watching fresh snow fall (O! what a sight to see) I could just hear God say… “Angela that is how I see you…regardless of your short comings, your flaws or mistakes …. I choose to cover you in a sea of white…and make you all anew”.  At that point my heart became filled with gratitude… I felt so thankful…for my life, love, my family, my health, my brothers, sister, friends old and new and most of all the mercy of God’s grace…. for  He has chosen to cover me and has made me as white as snow….

My Milestones…My Joy…

By Opeyemi Fadipe.

I do not believe in reincarnation like some do but if reincarnation happens to be a reality then my cycle will be woman, woman, and woman all the way. For so many women the popular belief is that it is a man’s world. I hear such women say that given the chance to relive they will rather come as men. I do not blame them as these women have several reasons behind their opinion. But then I find it ridiculous to believe. Why on earth will a woman want to be a man? I still have not found a single reasonable reason to think that way.
Personally I have no regrets being a woman.
Womanhood is a covered calabash which when opened emits radiance, joy, happiness, fun, laughter and a lot of hope.
For a lot of women, womanhood would have been so beautiful had the natural occurrences been absent. I once heard my younger sister say, ‘how I wish I do not menstruate’ forgetting that it is a sign that someday life will germinate in that same stomach.
Contrary to popular feminine opinion, I believe women will appreciate their lives, milestones and enjoy womanhood much better when we begin to savor the honey at the core of our seemingly painful milestones. We need to relish the joys, pleasures that lie deep in our challenges. Of a truth, our challenges far outweigh those of our mothers and grandmothers but God has so endowed us with joys that do not fade as the years go. The joys and happiness that lie deep within our challenges are not ephemeral. They are such that we remember so many years afterwards and we still smile heartily.
Can you remember the day as a baby your ear was pierced? Possibly not but I believe if babies could talk you would have told the next baby boy to you how lucky he was not to be a girl. But here you are today adorning yourself with lots of beautiful jewelry in that same hole that was created painfully. That imaginary baby boy friend of yours could today probably be among those guys who want to put on earrings to look trendy.
I am quite sure you have not forgotten those days when your nanny or hairdresser would force your head into her laps to plait your hair. Most of us never liked those women but we turn our heads several times to see whose looking at our hairstyles.
Sometimes at the age of twelve, I discovered I had some pains on two particular spots in my chest. It was so painful that I did not hesitate to tell my mum it must be cancer. You can imagine how she laughed and like most Yoruba women told me those two thins will eventually send me out of my father’s house. Today it’s a reality; I am out of my father’s house living happily with my own man. Those two growths accentuated my figure so much that the opposite sex could not resist me. It contributed to my beautiful body framework.
Early one morning I woke up restless, feeling different, vomiting and running high temperature. I felt I was not myself anymore. It became so uncomfortable and I found myself in front of a doctor’s desk, only to be told that I have a new life growing inside of me. Is it how it begins?
Several months passed and I still feel I am not my original self, tummy bulges; appetite becomes wild and one day a terrible pain sets in that makes me feel I was going to die. I screamed and shouted and groaned and did all sort. For hours the pain persisted and then minutes later I heard the cry of a baby. The life that began to grow forty weeks ago had finally become a complete human being coming out of this stomach of mine???? It’s simply incredible.
The children grow and become matured boys and girls and then one day my daughters come home with one his friends as usual. This time they relate so closely I got uncomfortable and then my daughter opened that same small mouth she used to cry when I brought her to this planet to tell me, Mummy, this is the man I want to marry!! She seems so excited about it but it was so painful to me. Does it mean this girl doesn’t enjoy my company any longer or don’t I care enough? All questions, no answers and then the great day came. We gave our daughter out in marriage and every other woman glared at me in envy. Some couldn’t hide it. ‘Aren’t you a lucky mother?’ they asked.
That evening I flashed back at my life from the beginning at least from when I could remember and I found out it has always taught me a lesson: In the life of every woman there is no gain without a pain. Just as it happens in our natural milestones, our experiences generally teach this same lesson.
We should learn not to shy from challenges rather face them. We should learn to take the bull by the horns, take hold of every opportunity and make the best of it. We should bear in mind at all times that at the end of every tunnel in our lives; there is a bright ray of light.
One more thing to be remembered, gold in its raw state is unattractive but after each round of treatment in the fire (not in an air conditioner) it shines better and better and better……
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO SHINE AGAINST ALL ODDS!!!!!!

www.womanconnect.blogspot.com.
www.train4fortunes.com/femmelounge

Love vs Feeling…

 Love is demonstrative, it’s active, because we have been and are loved by God.
It did not say you love because you feel like only.  or love only those that deserve your love, but love without expecting anything in return. By the way Love has been described as a human experience that is manifested in feelings be it in behaviour, emotion or attitude to others in relationship or of one’s self.
The bible says Love is an attitude and action that is not determined by feelings or positive response from others deserving or undeserving. We can’t talk about Love and not quote 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
 
 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.
 
  Love is more than a feeling!
 
That can only be possible if you operate in God’s kind of love(Agape). The other kinds of love are a lot more based on Feelings, a more self centred love-sexual desire and physical craving, Erotic love (Eros).  Affections in a loving concern to a friend, brotherly- love (Phileos)

When we realize that the best, safest  kind of love is the God kind, not one base on feeling, cos feelings are changeable, unstable and can’t be truly trusted. They have the ability of distorting the truth.
Feelings are good indictors of Love, but still that can be tested…..
lets look at marriage which is made up of two people committed to one another in Love not feelings…..Marriage is not sustained by just the feelings you get in the earlier days of courtship, when your man/woman walks in to a room or you think about them….. :)  Remember when you were dating, and your partner could not upset, cos you felt so happy! looking in to there eyes and dreaming of a future with them forever…when he picks from your food at dinner you thought it was oh! so cute  …but couple of year into marriage that same thing you found cute now irritated you so!…

Well feelings will not keep you married for long, cos you are guaranteed to have bumps along the way … In fact you will feel hate for your partner at some time in the journey of  your marriage.
So what holds a marriage and keeps it strong during the times of shaking? …. but a vow, a commitment, a decision.
Love is not optional….Feelings are…Love is foundation, a corner stone nothing can be built without it….Feeling are ever changing.

 So what do you pick??
 

Single but not alone!

What does it mean to be single?  (To be separate, unique and whole)
The Bible says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wow! God took his time to create me. There can be only one “me” I am one of a kind.
Even Identical twins, who my look alike still have things that they will differ on, No two fingerprints are the same. No two experiences are the same, that’s what makes me who I am.
When I stand before God, He sees me, a separate individual whether I am married or not.
Many single people are in a hurry to be married and see there singleness as a negative state, especial after a particular age (dare I say). They feel they would be complete once they are married (as if marriage validates you as a person)
When you enter marriage as your salvation to wholeness and believe your spouse will Complete you or make you secure in yourself…you put pressure on the spouse and you being the end of the marriage.
If you are not comfortable with your individuality, I am sorry to say you are not ready to be married.

When last did you date yourself?
That sound funny but just think about it?
Do you need people to validate you all the time?  Do you need other people to motivate you to enjoy yourself?
Can you sit in a restaurant or coffee bar by yourself and still feel comfortable?
When last did you look in the mirror and just say to the reflection Man! Or Lady! You are “too fine”, “you are all that a bag of chips”. What I’m trying to say is pay yourself  complements. (Once you know you are fine, any other complement is purely an addition to what you know about yourself) The power of your self esteem should be in your hands.
If you disrespect or have a poor image of yourself, you will only course people to treat you that way…So love yourself even with all its flaws. Remember you are unique and anyhow, don’t you know confidence is sexy!
 
What does alone mean? (Isolated or secluded) 
A single person that is content and whole dose not needs to be alone, cos that is how you can get isolated. Instead make friends and enjoy there company, but find the balance and not get dependent on having people around you all the time, that is how you could end up in an unhealthy relationship that allow other people take advantage of you, because they know you depend on there presence.
Let God be the lover of you soul, your companion and friend in the times loneliness…Enjoy your singleness, develop your self find out what makes you tick, what you like and not like and let you Life partner meet you along the way of discovering “you” in the relationship with your heavenly Father.
Partners, be it male or female are to do nothing but complement you and not complete you….remember you are WHOLE!
 They are to be nothing more than help that is suitable and fit (help-meet)
Allow God present your partner to you.
Be friends first. That is the foundation to a good marriage, someone you can laugh freely with, someone you can be yourself and not feel you have to watch yourself or feel like your walking on egg shells around.
God has given us free will to chose, so when you are presented by the one, you still have the choice to choose…God will not make you do anything.

Even Adam had a choice to reject Eve when God presented her. I don’t see anywhere (please correct me if I am wrong) in the Bible where God told Adam meet your wife! (He identified her)
I personally use to believe the “only one person for me” syndrome, when you see him my heart will stop skip a beat and all that romance novels stuff…One Mr/Miss Right, but NO! There are many “right” people who will be presented to you….How you choose to develop and establish the relationship is all yours!
Please don’t get over spiritual about it (many marriages have been broken that either partners or one said” God told me you’re my wife/husband”) apply common sense with spiritual maturity before you say “I DO”
Begin please by enjoying your singleness and individuality, let that complement your relationship with others around you, be it friend or family

The Dash or Your Life ?

I came across this poem on the net a couple of weeks ago, it had such an impact on me, cos It’s talking about what I have recently become sensitive to, Why are we here? What are we here to do? This life has to have a purpose….

We are on earth for a moment ( a dash ) . We are travellers through this world, who we really are, our destination and resting place is in eternity. Death is but a transition, and what you do in the DASH is valuable currency in eternity…

 So, we should not just enjoy this poem but reflect on our DASH in this life.

  Author: Linda Ellis 

 I read of a man who stood to speak
  at the funeral of a friend
  He referred to the dates on her tombstone
  from the beginning to the end  He noted that first came her date of her birth
  and spoke the following date with tears,
  But he said what mattered most of all
  was the dash between those years  For that dash represents all the time
  that she spent alive on earth.
  And now only those who loved her
  Know what that little line is worth.  For it matters not how much we own;
  the cars, the house, the cash,
  what matters is how we live and love
  and how we spend our dash.  So think about this long and hard.
  Are there things you’d like to change?
  For you never know how much time is left,
  that can still be rearranged.  If we could just slow down enough
  to consider what’s true and real
  and always try to understand
  the way other people feel.  And be less quick to anger,
  and show appreciation more
  and love the people in our lives
  like we’ve never loved before.  If we treat each other with respect,
  and more often wear a smile
  Remembering that this special dash
  Might only last a little while.  So, when your eulogy is being read
  with your life’s actions to rehash
  would you be proud of the things they say
  about how you spent your dash?

Check out  www.refinedonelyrics.wordpress.com

“U arrive when u get to Heaven”

 Sister-Friend Alidee in the House… 

It’s that time of the year when you’re returning back to work, school or wherever it might be.

The question that everyone asks is how was your Christmas? That is after they have wished you Happy New Year.

Whatever season you’re in, my question to you is have you arrived?

I was having a conversation with a friend recently and we were discussing individual’s perception about when they have arrived in life.

Some people consider being married as arriving in life; some people think because they have all the material wealth in life that they have arrived and the list goes on.

Well I have had a new revelation and that revelation is we arrive when we get to heaven and completed our earthly purpose.

This year I decided to do something different for Christmas. I spent my Christmas holidays doing voluntary work with an organisation called CRISIS.

CRISIS provides shelter for homeless people during the Christmas period. This year the shelter opened it doors on the Saturday 23rd of December to Saturday 30th December. During the period they provided homeless people with food, shelter, clothing, medical care, dentist, counselling, library facilities, Internet access, housing referral, career opportunities, chiropody, hairdressing and entertainment.

Well I must say it was an eye opener for me. When we think about homeless people most of us think about the person who’s on the streets because of such things as drugs, alcohol and mental issues.

Well it’s amazing some of the stories that you hear.  I can now tell you that the above is just some of the reasons why people are homeless.

I looked around and to my amazement there were people who we would pass on the streets and never think they were homeless who were staying in the shelter. Even some of your colleagues who may be sitting next to you in the office are sleeping rough at nights. People from varying backgrounds, classes and ages resided at the shelter for the week.

There were people in the shelter up to about six months ago had all the material wealth such as houses, cars, 2.4 children, qualifications, earning in the high income bracket, you know the things we use to measure success.

But guess what things happened and their circumstances changed. A percentage of some of these people lost everything and they ended up in a homeless shelter alone with nothing to their name except a few items of clothing.

One of the guys said at least he’s still alive and because he’s still got life he has hope. He’s actually planning to get his life back on track and come back next year as a volunteer.
Some of the people that I spoke to said if anyone had said to them a year ago that they would be spending Christmas in a homeless shelter their response would have probably been no.

So where did they go wrong?

Did they become proud, did they become boastful, did they become arrogant, did they become selfish, what happened? To be quite honest I do not want to be judge or juror of their case. But just to remind myself and also to remind others that it’s a fine line.

So have you arrived?

“It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.
Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.
So let’s just humble ourselves, give thanks continuously remember he gives grace to the humble“ Ephesians 2: 6-8

Author: Alicia Camile Douglas.

“ CHRISTMAS, the REASON for the SEASON is out of the mess of the first Christmas is the massage of LOVE, LIFE and HOPE”

….2007 Happy New Year! or is it?

My Daughter said something to me this morning…She asked “mom if it is a New Year why does it not feel any different”

The calendar says it is …at least the Gregorian calendar which is widely used….
Now why am I going on about calendars, my daughter like a whole lot us think that at Midnight of Dec 31st a New Year beginnings…well it does according to the Calendar, which I don’t have a problem with, but it’s the feeling of something New is about or should  happen is what I’ll like us to reflect on. If it is a New Year why does it not feel any different….

The Difference should not necessary be the the fact that it is a  New Year…but the continuation of a season. Those that are close to me know, my season started in Step Of 2006 and is continuing in 2007. What was conceived and birth in 2006 is being nurtured and cultivated in 2007 and in this same year there will be more birthings too…

We should try not to get caught up in the NEW YEAR syndrome which puts pressure on ourselves. We all go about making New Year resolutions which, without a doubt would be broken before the month is over that is  if it has not been  broken by the 2nd!   already. Let it be a continuation of a season instead.

 

What is this season thing you say?

Well I can only speak for myself and say my season began with a realisation of who’s I am and what I am here for…A realisation that I am no accident or evolution but a creation with purpose.

 

What is your season?

 

Is it the season to find out what your true source is?
Is it the season to relinquish self doubt?
Is it the season to reclaim the truth about you?
Is it the season to celebrate YOU!

 

If I was ever going to make a New Years resolution it would be to find out all the manufacture of me, has to say about me, in His Manufactures Manuel…

 

What was the reason for my creation?
What are His thoughts about me?
What are the functions He has put in me
What is my particular use…? (Where and to whom was my creation for?)

 

For when I am whole and complete I can be effective and affective.

SO WHAT IS YOUR SEASON?

 

“The man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder…a waif, a nothing, a no man.”  Thomas Carlyle.

Take the Limits Off!

Hello every one, this is going to be my last post on this blog for the year 2006, as the year runs to a close, I have got reflective  and thought I share this with you all.

I am so thankful for the  year 2006; it was my year of UNSPEAKABLE JOY.
One would think with a year like that it was smooth sailing. I would say it was my most challenging year so far. What gave me great joy was that when the challenges came I dealt with them with wisdom and a peace that I never knew I had   which encouraged me to do better.
This year I found out that my peace and my strength was in Christ Jesus and no one else. I found out that there is so much in me and more to come out!
I found out how to love me, and I am determined to take, into the rest of my life the Joy of the Lord!!! For that is the source of my strength.

Get ready! Get ready!! Get ready!!!

This is how I feel for 2007. This is (yes “is” I am not waiting for 1st of Jan to start my year, for I am stepping into the fullness of it right now) my year of Taking the limits off  and expanding my boundaries.
I am expectant of what the year holds for me and how it would affect my family and those around me.

So with the Joy of the Lord and an expectant heart…Get ready 2007! watch this space 

This is the year to dream dreams (big dreams)
This is the year to step out of your comfort zone
This is the year to believe in the impossible
This is the year to stop planning and DO!
This is the year to TAKE the Limits OFF!!
And have a “walk on the water” moment.

This I pray for all who are NOT ready, but have enough faith to BELIEVE!!!

Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Fabulous New Year!

There is more to me….

As I was thinking of what to write on my post, feeling a little bit overwhelmed with my life at the moment….good kind of overwhelmed. I have been stepping out and doing things that I would not have normally thought were my strength… Look at this, I have my own blog up, not just that, I am writing on other blogs too www.deoluakinyemi.com/emotional-recharge.

Wow! did I say writing? Coming from a girl that was afraid of anything that had to do with reading or writing. I am finding out how much I enjoy telling stories and putting my daydreams to paper. I am finding out there is more to me… Enjoy this poem of mine, it’s one that does remind me that there is more to me and there can be more to you.

I know it’s addressed to my sister’s but I know my brother’s too will be able to appreciate it and hopefully appreciate the females in there lives…

I AM MORE!!!

I’m more than your daughter, your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend your lover, your confidant
I am of royal lineage and a priestly one too.
The evil one comes cunning and whispers words that lead to strife, worry, low self esteem NO!
You chose me from the creation of time;
I’m whole, of purpose and of excellence

I’m more than your…

I was made, created, fashioned, cultivated, planned (not an after thought) and supervised by God to be ezer (helper) to the kingdom.
I am valuable to God,
I am somebody not to be used and abused….
Capable, intelligent, virtuous I am;
Who can find me?
Only in Christ for God’s glory.

I’m more than your…

The evil one whispers….
You’re too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too shy, too out spoken,
have an accent, not qualified, too qualified, too old, too young…have nothing to offer
(A LIE) for I’m adorned with glory, power, majesty my true beauty…the essence of me.
In me is trust, peace, love and life.

I’m more than your…

Greater is he that is in me…
I have so much inside, to be birthed, walked out, exercised and then refilled;
My assignment? God’s plan, to use this ‘building” for His Kingdom.
Setting my affection, looking to the Kingdom first my Lord provides all, all that I would ever need.

I’m more than your…

For when you see me you see Him in all His glory;
when I speak you hear His words cutting and dividing the word of truth, as it should.

For…

I AM MORE! I AM MORE!!!
I AM OF ROYAL BLOOD
I AM OF A ROYAL FAMILY
I AM OF A ROYAL KINGDOM AND A PRIESTLY ONE TOO.

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Flight Healing (001) …come aboard

Like to introduce a posting from my Sister-friend Alidee.

From ISSUES to Destiny

Many of us deny ourselves the journey of healing. I liken it to a plane journey where there are delays and turbulence. But when you get to your destination is a relief. You sigh and say thank you because on the flight all you wanted to do was arrive.

We feel that if we deal with the issues it would cause us too much pain.

However have you sat down and thought that the pain is worth it. Why is it worth it?

Because it releases you from endless years of pain and suffering. It is one of the greater gifts you can give yourself.

Issues what are they?

I- Inner
S- Scars
S- Suffering
U- Underneath
E- Emotional
S- Stuff

Yes it’s Inner it’s those things that we have buried because we don’t want to deal with it because it causes pain. A lot of it goes back to those childhood experiences, it might be words that were spoken over your life, and it might be abused that you might have suffered to name but a few.

But have you thought that the Scars are actually there and it shows up in our life ever so often be it when someone does something to trigger that memory without us realising. These scars need to be dealt with is like getting a cut if we don’t use the right medication it can leave a scar behind.

These inner scars cause us to suffer endless and a lot of time we suffer in silence because we are too embarrassed to talk about it. It’s my little secret…. you can’t say anything to anyone because it would cause you embarrassment and shame, Listen my friend you are not alone.

We suffer in silence, as we get older the scar is getting bigger it’s deep rooted Underneath. It gets bigger because our daily journeys we encounter people.

This Inner Scars Suffering Underneath causes us Emotional pain. We make it hard when building relationships. When relationship break up we encounter loss in the journey. Emotions govern our behaviour and so we react when faced with certain situations either behaving in a passive or aggressive manner because we have no control over our emotions and how it governs us.

These emotion cause us to do Stuff like walk around in Unforgiveness, not trust, procrastinate and hurt others etc

Jeremiah 33:6 says” Behold I will bring it health and healing. I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth”

This is what God’s word says. Healing yourselves from past pains and hurts are so important.

It gives us the freedom to be all that God has called us to be and it makes you discover who you are.

The process is painful. But we have God’s word. It says that he will bring us peace and truth.

The ISSUES actually hinder our relationship with God.

Deuteronomy 6: 5 says that “we are to love the lord God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength”.

The healing process enables us to surrender our lives to God. How can we surrender our lives if we a holding on to issues.

So where do you start. Admit it to the chief counsellor he knows but cannot help if you deny it. It’s the 1st step you need to take. He will then arrange the necessary therapy for you.

Remember we are all unique so what works for me might not work for you. But he will meet your need. That’s what makes him awesome and makes you his prince or princess.

The journey is worth is so much; get on board the flight, there may be turbulence and delays in the process. Remember through it all he’s the Alpha and Omega and the Great I AM.

Use your issues to be a testimony of healing and deliverance. Use it to be a blessing to others and watch it take you to your destiny.

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is to release someone from a debt you think they owe you..

“If your brother sins against you…seven times in a day and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, I repent you shall forgive him”(Luke17:3-5)

It is inevetable not to be offended one time or another. The ones that will offend you the most will be those closest to you, those you love and trust.

The closer the relationship the more sever the offence, only those you expect from that can hurt you….

The question is what your response will be?

I know you have heard this saying “Two wrongs don’t make a rigth”

If you have been hurt, you do not have to hold that offence. Jesus forgave us from the cross before we said we were wrong. Now that is true forgiveness….

To be able to forgive you’ll need to develop faith is Gods Love( Agape)

What is that you say? Agape is a love that expects nothing in return but to serve God …It is unconditional!

During my journey on the road of unforgiveness, I read this from the word of God that totaly blew my mind and turned things around for me. It showed me to be able to forgive and not hold offence take root in my heart, I would need Him! (God)

“I said to love your enemies, bless those who curses you, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven”

(matt 5v44-45) it continues to verse 47, but what struck me was that there was no way I could do this in my strength

There is so much to say about this topic, but I’ll stop here for today. Let me leave you with this to think about…..

Unforgiveness and holding on to offence is like you taking poison to kill another?

Just think…

If….

……The contents of the poem is what I am working to be. ( i don’t claim to know all things) or I should be in heaven if I did…. when we don’t give up  we push through, not wavering, not shaking look at our fears rigth in the eye.

The poem is the essence of who I would like to be… In Christaindom we are familar with the word strongholds others know it as issues.

We all have issues  or are going through at one time or another. My goal is for us to encourage one another and get rid of our issues/strongholds  because they are nothing, but distractions and potholes, to frustrate you and make you give up.

  IF… tells us no matter what come before you don’t give up, don’t get distrated by emotions but, stay strong and focused…Deal with your issue,  for once we get that out of the way you find purpose and walk into destiny.

it’s time to deal with it…
 

Rudyard Kipling
IF…
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!