So many ways I have seen you,
So many ways I have hoped to understand you,
So many ways I have longed to end your worries.
You’re holding on to many things…
So much pain, So much hurt, so little joy.
‘ your bleeding heart can mend’
But you have to let go of all that weighs you down
and be lifted up.
Being fragile in a world of no real love pre-empts decisions
That gives rise to mistakes.
So let it go and be lifted up!
Ilu-Ilu.
Hi people, its been too long, but hey I’m back ( don’t know how long for) with a bang, I hope 
growing, changing maturing in life’s challenges moving from black and white to understanding shades of gray or at least acknowledging there are shades.
I will be doing a series of issues that I have a passion for but have talking about on this blog, but feel its time to now. As always the purpose is to bring to the light what is in the dark, for that is the only way deliverance can first start. When you know that what ever issue you have is not new and many others have or are going through the same thing reduces the intensity of the challenge.
In this series we’ll all reason together for I don’t claim to have the answers but when we talk, share together in truth and a clear honest and open mind keeping it real all the way, we learn.
After nearly 20yrs of marriage Linda walked out, this is a lady we all looked at her marriage and family and marveled. Her beautiful children her husband who always had nothing but praise for his wife, so understandably we were shocked and sad about it.
Some said she should not have given up and that divorce was the easy option, some sad there is nothing that God could not do so why break the home, some said she was selfish and that it would miss up the kids, some said what ever it was;could she not bear it and wait till the children where older?… and many more was said to her and around her. For sometime Linda was not seen by all for a while, but come this faithful summer afternoon in walked Linda on her “ladies that lunch” meeting visibly upset with a teary eyes yet clam. As she walked in and stood before the ladies and said “when is enough, enough! I was faithful and devoted for all the years I was married, supported my husband in his dreams, counted pennies with him, did not put pressure on him was not demanding. I was not perfect but was willing to grow together in love. I stayed at home and raised our children and manage the home, all by choice, to give the very best of me, that was my contribution to the stability of our home. I cooked and cleaned for him, out of love not duty but as an expression of my love for him. What you all did not know was how I had to survive for years with a man that phonghapy was his other love, do you know how that could affect ones self esteem as a wife and have no one to talk to about it, cos of the shame and embarrassment attached to it and even a sense of protecting him and the family, not wanting to talk about our problems and keep the façade of a perfect family and always hoping that things will change and get better someday.
Do you know how many fights we had cos I asked him to stop, all he would say is” it was just pictures that is means nothing” but I knew once he started looking that thisl the next thing would be to act on it…Do know how a woman feels when she knows and have even walked in on him looking at naked women having sex, does that not count as adultery of the mind I ask you?
That not enough, his drinking when his stressed and then the physical abuse… do you know what it feels like for the man that says he loves you one minute to be hitting on you the next do you know how demoralizing that could be? …and for this to be happening for years…When I think of it I should have left the first day he slapped me for no good reason. Remember my daughters first birthday when I had the black eye and I told you all I fell…. Well now you know it was no fall.
When is enough, enough? When his sleeping around with not one, two or more different women…is it till I am infected with HIV then I could be released for this contract? Is the contract not broken the minute he had slept with another that was not his wife? To top this I got no support for my dreams like how I had stood by his. My dreams were nothing but “little hobbies” to keep me occupied not a career that required time and energy to concentrate and develop, he did not but expected a housewife for ever (which was for a season)
When is enough, enough? After he had fathered a child outside of our marriage(and that’s the one I got to find out, what about the ones I don’t know or would never know)… I had had enough my ladies; to you I should pray and ask God for help… I did and still do, but first I need to accept and identify what was wrong and break out of a mind of denial, shame and hopelessness, I am fighting now for my mind and sanity … I am sure we had many a good time, but now I can not remember I can not let depression step in to my life anymore for years I have battled with that, to the point when death started looking attractive, No more! My life is worth more than his wife or their mother, there is more to me and you may choose to call me selfish, maybe its time to think about myself… just maybe.
As she carefully wiped her eyes, picked up her bag and calmly walked out of the restaurant with a stride I had never seen her in before, some would call it a swagger.
…so when is enough, enough?
Keeping it real, let the conversation begin.
What you call me, that I am not!
for I know who I am, whose I am and what HE says I am… Beautifully and wonderfully made, crafted and fashioned!
My heart is pure and so are my intentions( can that be said of yours) …yes, I don’t always do the right things, but renewed I am and in Him stand, void of condemnation.
Everyone well dressed and perfectly made up with plastic smiles looking like it’s all under control,
but within hurting, doubting, insecure and in turmoil…Why ?!
‘cos some have chosen to live a lie and not be real to themselves first.
Life is for living…and as one said “Life is what happens when your making plans”
So live the life…
Know yourself…
Be true to yourself…
Love others the way you would be loved and
LIVE!
Watch out for…
1. The Blamer: This is a person who consistently blames you/or everyone else for their problems. The world and the people in it always seem to create havoc for this person. And instead of taking responsibility for their life, would rather blame others.
2. The Complainer: This person likes to hear his/her own voice. They consistently complain about what isn’t working in their life and yet get energy from complaining and dumping their frustrations on you.
3. The Drainer (just run…lol): This is the needy person who calls to ask for your advice, guidance, support, information, advice or what ever they to feel better in that moment (which is not a real problem)…but because of their neediness, the conversation often, if not always revolves around them and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during their conversations.
4. The Shamer (run several miles…lol ):This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of you or your ideas in front of others, often ignores your boundaries and may try and convince you that their criticism is for your own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before them. (Did I say runnnnnnn!!)
5. The Discounter: This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often has a strong need to be right and can not find fault with any position they may be standing at that point in time. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.
6. The Gossip (don’t just give this one the time of day): This person avoids intimacy by talking about others behind their backs. The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions and latest “scoop” by gossiping about others. They create a lack of safety in there relationships, whether they realize it or not. After all if the gossip talks about someone else they will talk about you!
Source: Cheryl Richardson, Author “Take time for your life”
*Sharon’s contribution – The Fire Extinguisher – these ones just keep raining on all your dreams and passions till you’re as washed out as they are.
Feel free to add to this list, would be encouraging to see what we all come up with.
From eternity to destiny in-between these; the seasons
Yes! You choose me from the creation of time
Yes! I was with you, in you, were you.
You birth me into this shell for you know the end.
In this shell you kept me, to minister for you care so much; you wanted to feel what I felt, to deliver destiny and redeem a generation.
Ah! To be born into this shell and go through the seasons, learning, being broken and birthing.
Ah! How this shell has been knocked, bruised, abused, tossed and pulled … for the shell hates you!
it loves what it sees and wants more
it loves what it feels and wants more
it loves what it touches and wants more
it loves what it tastes and wants more
it loves what it hears and wants more…
But! Yes, I was in you from the creation of time, was with you and was you.
Alas! You are still in me to birth destiny (for you know the end).
The alabaster box was broken
The lamb was slain, so ….
You break and slay me daily, in seasons to birth destiny (for you know the end).
I am knocked but I get up, to be knocked again and again
But I get up quicker with every blow until I master how to block and dock the punches….
With each knock, a breaking, until you are poured out of this shell to birth eternity to destiny…
For you alone know the end!
Author: RefinedOne
…will not be putting any new post for a while, stay strong all
dallenia Says:
October 23, 2007 at 12:39 am e well girl what can i say i’m so so happy for you. that the lord found you the right one indeed.
well girl i wish could say the same for me. well the last time i thought i found the right one girl .he did me wrong. he play the act he was so so nice.and then play the hard to get. i never fell inlove by my self, but it happend to me now it been,8 month i cant forget him why i dont know.it feels like acurse.i ask god to forget but he still on my mind. everyday. it like ”a never ending storie”the thing that hurt me the most i’m scared of leting myself go and be wo.
Dear Dallenia
I feel for you and wish I could tell you that the experience was all about my guy but rather he was simple the vessel that God used to touch me. The poem is about my transformation process, it is the result of the journey I had to go through with God in order to let go of my fears and issues about marriage so that I can come to the place of not seeing marriage as a prison. A place where woman are nothing but slaves or so I thought but now I can see marriage differently , I now see it as a place of safety and security where I am free to accomplish all that I can be. I have finally crucified the Jezebel (the controlling spirit) in me and I have taken the mantle of Sarah, a woman of faith whose trust is in God to make any changes in her man necessary. I am free to simple love.
As for your guy all I can say is break the soul tie and move on. If my guy were to leave today, I would be hurt but I would move on and be eternally grateful to him. What I have learnt is so valuable and precious, at times God is interested in the process and not necessarily the end result. The feelings I have is based on God’s perspective, it is about agape love, a love that has God at the centre of it. While we were yet sinners God loved us, so my guy does not have to attain a standard or do something for me to feel what I am feeling. It is looking and feeling with the eyes of God.
Be encouraged and wait for God he will bring the right one, it is well worth the wait. In the meantime let God help you deal with your issues and make you whole. There are many women out there but a woman like me, one who know her value is one in a million. I guess the truth question is how do you value yourself as a woman?
Blessed.
…..Meet a woman in love
The Woman in Me
Situations has cause me to hide
Circumstances has changed me
The world has caused me to turn away from the woman in me.
I look around and see women
Incomplete women, lonely women
Women who have something missing in them
I see women acting like men
Women with the {WO} missing in them
I should know I use to be one of them
But a touch from the right man
A word from my love is all it takes
And the woman in me comes out.
Oh what a wonderful feeling it is to be a woman
To have my {WO} back again
It is okay for me not to be so strong
It is okay for me to have emotions
It is okay for me to lay down my life
And to let the man be the man
It is okay because I am loved and accepted
The woman in me feels safe and secure
What a joyous feeling it is
What a restful feeling
What a peaceful feeling it is
To be a woman again
I can safely say, perfect love cast out all fears
I can safely say, love makes all the difference
I can truly testify that the love of the right man is all it takes
Woman, heed my advice
Wait for the right man, there is no feeling like it
Wait for the right one and be the woman God has created you to be
Wait it is worth it, just to see the transformation take place in you
Wait, it is worth it, just to have the burden lifted off
Wait and see the salvation of the Lord
Let him bring the right one
Let him bring that one
Whose voice causes your heart to skip a beat
Whose touch causes your knees to weaken
Whose words brings out the best in you
Wait it is well worth the wait
The love of the right man makes
You feel like you can do anything
The love of a right man
Inspires the woman in you to experience new things
It causes you to aspire to be the best you can be
A Woman
That is all you need to be
A Woman
That is who you were made to be
So my prayer is that one day
You meet someone like my love
And for the first time
Yes I can say it
My lord
Who will bring back the {WO} in you
And cause you to dare to be a woman again.
Author: Blessed Oluwayemi.
Who do you think you are?
What makes you think you can rain on mySunny days?
Who do you think you are?
What makes you think that my dark daysWill last?
What makes you think you can break me…
What makes you think I am no more than you could be Privilege to know…
I may not qualify in your eyes
I may not look the part (now)
But still I soar
Daily I am given breath to soar even higher
My glory….a reflection of the Son
For I am like the moon able, to turn the tide Of a generation, a time and season
That is who I know I am,Who are you?
Author: RefinedOne.
Cece Winans- When I listen to her music it always ministers to me, she comes across like one that is a true worshipper- one that loves the Lord with all her being giving Him the praise in every way. Apart from being an award winning artist (six times Grammy awards winner), Dove award winner, Soul train award winner and actress… she is also a teacher and mentor…Her album Throne room is my all time favourite, not just the melody but the words always bring healing and joy to my soul, I feel sometimes listening to her songs and feel like I am intruding in her personal time with God. I most admire about her is a passion for the youth, especially young girls. In Oct of 2005, Cece developed and hosted the Always Sisters conference which focuses on support for young women ages 13-26yrs, where she offered words of encouragement and self esteem was discussed. This is her passion that young women will walk in the fullness of God glory and self worth of their everyday lives. At the conference she presented the young ladies with tiaras as a token to the girl, She said…”My prayer was that they know God and know who they are”…”He is the only one that can really teach you who you are, how beautiful you are, how powerful you are, that you deserve the best and not to settle for less” This are the kind of things I like to see and hear..Older women mentoring the younger ones and empowering them on who (we) are as women/princesses and should be treated as one by ourselves and others. Cece has been married for over 21yrs with two children (boy/girl) Cece the wife and mother has managed to balance her personal and professional lives with relatives ease….this for me is a woman living a life with purpose.
Oprah Winfrey- Born January 29, 1954 is the American multiple-Emmy Award winning host of The Oprah Show, the highest-rated talk show in television history. She is also an influential book critic, an Academy Award -nominated actress for The Color Purple. And a magazine publisher of O, The Oprah Magazine and O at Home. She has been ranked the richest African American of the 20th century, the most philanthropic African American of all time, and the world’s only black billionaire for three straight years. She is also, according to some assessments, the most influential woman in the world {} raised in rural poverty by her grandmother, born out of wedlock by a mother who was a housekeeper and father a coal miner, at the birth of Oprah, but later became a councilman. Regardless of background and a challenged home life she was able to rise above it all at 13yrs received a scholarship to attend Nicolet High School in the Milwaukee suburb of Glendale, Wisconsin after which she won an oratory contest, which secured her full scholarship to Tennessee State University, a historically black institution, where she studied communication. This is a woman that has accomplished so much in the world of media I could go on, but what I would like to spotlight and truly admire is her Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa, she intends teaching a class via satellite. Oprah is not married, but instead has been in longstanding relationship of over 20yrs with partner Stedman Graham. She never had children of her own but had this to say about the girls of her Leadership Academy….”I never had children, never even thought I would have children. Now I have 152 daughters; expecting 75 more next year. That is some type of gestation period…I said to the mothers, the family members, the aunts, the grannies — because most of these girls have lost their families, their parents — I said to them, “Your daughters are now my daughters and I promise you I’m going to take care of your daughters. I promise you.”
I found doing the research for this list quiet reflective and it sure did reinforce things about myself that I am absolutely sure are no coincidences anymore… all the women that I admire, truly sum me up …Out of the box, Passionate, Motivational, Strong, Natural nurturers, Called to run “their own” race, Unique with a large heart of service to others and effective to their immediate society and the world!
None of these women are perfect and have made mistakes in their lives, they have had their share of challenges and adversity, but it never stopped them…
Life must have purpose!
Who inspires you?
Who do you admire?
And Why?
Bimbo Odukoya-The very first time I saw this fast talking, energetic and passionate woman on my tv screen, I had to stop and listen, after which I had to know more about her and what drives her….She was about marriages and how to have a good one which was an interest of mine. Pastor Bimbo Odukoya was (for she is late now) an Evangelist, motivational speaker, marriage counsellor and mentor to many Nigerian youths. Apart from her teaching through the Singles and Married programme, she was also a writer and author; she has columns in several national and international including ThisDay, CityPeople, and Leadship and life style based in the UK. Her columns dwell primarily on true life experiences of both the good and bad side of married and unmarried people. Before her untimely death on in a plane crash on the 10th of Dec 2005, she was the associate senior pastor of fountain of Life Church and President of Discovery for Women; a ministry the motives and challenges woman to discover there purpose in life and maximize their God given potential. She was married to Senior Pastor Taiwo Odukoya and had three children. May her soul rest in peace….Amen.
Adesuwa Onyenokwe- Is it possible to just like someone you have never met? Well in the case of Adesuwa Onyenokwe, it was so. The very first time I came across her was through her TV programme called Woman Today. Her voice was so calm and I just loved her manner and presentation…very lady like and wholesome in her opinions and views. I love the way she carries herself… with such dignity, not trying to be anything she not, she stands out in the fakeness( if that’s a word ) that is called Nigerian “celebrity”(IMO) this was confirmed by a family friend, when in conversation her name came up and I was saying how very dignified and mature she comes across. Adesuwa read drama for her first degree at the Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-Ife, and followed it up with a master’s degree in Language Arts at the University of Ibadan in Nigeria. Her show Today’s Woman has become a source of inspiration to many women. The show was created to help fill the void at the time of lack of understanding the womenfolk and also give them a voice. She is quoted as saying “”The bottom-line is to show that there are many women out there who have such God-given qualities as empathy. And you know that to make a good leader, you have to empathise. We are good managers because by nature we manage two roles: motherhood and wifehood,” Her ideal concept of today’s woman is somebody who is in total union with God and with self, to the extent that she is beneficial to humanity. This is why she features on her programme women who should serve as role models to others, especially the younger ones. Since she started presenting Today’s Woman on TV in 2000, many women of substance who have made their mark in the society have been featured {taken from an interview with Newswatch}. Born August 8, 1963, in Ibadan, Oyo State, Onyenokwe is the fifth of eleven children, she is married to Ikechukwu Onyenokwe, an engineer and management consultant with 6 children (3boys and 3girls)
2 to go …
I’m more than your daughter, your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend your lover, your confidance
I am of royal lineage and a priestly one too.
The evil one comes cunning and whispers words that lead to strife, worry, low self esteem
NO! You choose me from the creation of time; I’m whole, of purpose and of excellence.
I’m more than your……
I was made, created, fashioned, cultivated, planned (not an after thought) and supervised by God to be ezer (helper) to the kingdom.
I am valuable to God, I am somebody not to be used and abused….
Capable, intelligent, virtuous I am; who can find me? Only in Christ, for God’s glory.
I’m more than your……
The evil one whispers….your too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too shy, too out spoken, have an accent, not qualified, too qualified, too old, too young……have nothing to offer (A LIE) for I’m adorned with glory, power, majesty my true beauty ……the essence of me.
In me is trust, peace, love and life.
I’m more than your…..
Greater is in me……..
I have so much inside, to be birth, walked out, excised and then refilled; my assignment? Gods plan, to use this ‘building” for His Kingdom.
Setting my affection, looking to the Kingdom first my lord provides all, all that I would ever need.
I’m more than your…..
For when you see me you see Him in all His glory; when I speak you hear His words cutting and dividing the word of truth, as it should.
For I AM MORE! I AM MORE!!!
I AM OF ROYAL BLOOD
I AM OF A ROYAL FAMILY
I AM OF A ROYAL KINGDOM AND A PRIESTLY ONE TOO.
Author: Refinedone
Yesterday I said a enough is a enough!!
Yesterday I decided to truly trust in Him
Yesterday old struggles that tried to rise up where put down
Yesterday pains and worries where put back on the altar (not looking back, this time)
Yesterday a rebirth, not looking to man, but to God, for He knows the beginning and end of me…
Stay strong people…..
Uncertainty with a mist
Would want to insist that it should persist, but
With a fist
It does desist
Because it doesn’t consist in light where
You exist!
Arise fair one arise,
Your strength
Restored,
In your stride, you are a queen
Adorned,
Come now fine,
Drowned now that feeling from inside,
That kept your smile, that radiating warmth
Like the pheonix rising!
http://refinedonelyrics.wordpress.com the others side of me
On one rainy Sunday morning they both came together gather with friends and family to say “again” and renew their earlier vows to themselves….This time they did not repeat what was presented to them as is done, both each wrote their hearts commitment towards the other.
She said- in a sea of tears (for she can be emotional like that)…
I in the present of God, family and friends… I promise to comfort, encourage, and do you only good, as long as there is life within me. I promise to pray for you and lift you up before God. I promise to be the wife, mother, companion, friend and lover that you will be proud of. I promise to help meet and accomplish the purpose God has given you. I promise to reverence and honour you, to love you with the God kind of love. The love without conditions and not based on emotions. I promise before God, family and friends that I will not tolerate resentment and unforgiveness eroding what we are building together. I am thanking God for He has already given me the grace and empowerment to keep my vows to you.
He said-Holding back the tears, but a little making its way down the side…
I vow to sit in the presence of El-shaddai .To deliver His wealth, counsel and wisdom so we can raise Godly seeds, worthy soldiers in the last day army of Jesus. I vow to continually show my gratitude and appreciation for the early sacrifices you made to make our life together possible. As I thank you for your continuing devotion and faith, please know that you have all my gratitude, respect and love. For you have been a wonderful inspiration, support and help. My vow is to continue to find newer and fresher ways to give you everything a woman of virtue like you deserves. I thank the Father and you for the gifts which you made my life complete.
Since then 7yrs ago, many trails and tribulation have come, storms and floods have shaken the foundation of their love, marriage and even faith …yet they STOOD!
Never settling for second best and compromises, brutally honest with themselves (that was what made them unique), they said hurtful and sometimes unforgivable (but forgivable by grace)things to one another, things they never thought they would ever say to one another …did things they never thought they would do to one another…yet they STOOD!
It has been beautiful never the less, there union has be blessed with little angels from above( naughty sometimesJ) each with their unique contribution to the fold, with a bound of love for one another that could never be broken….and they STOOD!
They stood, for they kept it real…in their case it seemed it had to get bad (real bad before it could get better) or should I say fantastic! To solve a problem and enjoy the benefits, one has to get to the root cause, be honest, get good council and deal with it… Ignorance and darkness is where the evil one lives and breeds, but in God there can only be truth and light to set you free…
True freedom and joy in a marriage comes with a price… one of sacrifice, honesty, openness and most of all Love! (Not puppy, butterflies in my stomach love) but the Love of God… that says” I will love even when I don’t feel like” “I will love you, cos I am committed to you”
….By the Lord’s grace and mercy they loved one another, stood by one another, was gracious and understanding.
Now years have passed, they are older (ok, more mature) there love has and is “maturing” into fine wine and not fizzy pop! …with each year there love grows stronger and sweeter!
So when you see them and say … I want a marriage like so and so…..you at better ask them there journey and see whether you are ready to travel that road or better still, just ask God to show you your own road and how to make your own marriage work for you!
Every marriage and every couple is unique and will be refined by their own unique FIRE!!
Blessings.
Thanks for sharing this Tokunbo – www.mypenmypaper.wordpress.com
Hi guys…It’s been along break and a very necessary one too on so many levels, I guess the different aspects of it would reflected on my future posts.
My last post was all about Link-a-child and a particular Orphanage I was drawn to help, I asked for your assistance and I must say thanks to those that acted on the cry.
I must update you on the development on my trip regarding the orphage in Igbo Efon called Hope for all Foundation Motherless babies home
To say I was disappointed would be an understatement, I was broken hearted at the state I saw my babies (My baby Sola and the other babies) there had been no improvement ….if any it was getting worse. To help get things going and improved I got talking with a friend about getting her church involved since it was nearer the Motherless babies home, only to find out that a lady by the name of Sabina God bless her, truly an angel ( I will be talking about her and the work she does in the very near future) Sabina had been to the same Orphanage and was very disturb about the state the babies where living in.
This for me was divine intervention cos of the way we both had been drawn to the same Orphanage and passion for the babies’ welfare. Sabina later told me that she had seen other Orphanages and was deeply sadden at the state of things at Hope for all foundation Motherless babies home in Igbo Efon Lekki. We found out that the babies were not getting vitamins, but the babies have since been secretly administering the vitamins to the babies without the Homes administrator Ms Regina Adegbite knowing cos she may not give the babies (why you say? I do not know). The whole situation gets even more bizarre
We arranged to visit the orphanage together the following day which was a Sunday, so after service we set off, me, Sabina, my sis-law Celina and my friend Sis Osaretin who had linked Sabina and I together.
As we walked into the room where the babies slept, played and eat the smell was overpowering, they all were sick with diarrhea full with dirty nappies that looked like they had not been changed all day , the had all lost weigth and where skin and bone , we later found out that the babies where not getting any medication for their diarrhea…this is no exaggeration, it was that bad!
In a mixture of vexation, hurt and pain we immediately insisted and assisted the babies to have their bath and changing their nappies. One at a time they were bathe we each got down to drying them with one towel between five children, they had no rash cream or baby powder.
QUICK NOTE: they did not have these things not because they were not donated or given, cos as an example, I know a couple of weeks before, Celina my sis-in-law had donated 25,000 Naira worth of baby milk and nappies, Sabina had donated petroleum jelly and powder previously too ( so you say where did all that go? I don’t know)
While we were assisting in getting the babies bath and dressed the administrator was nowhere to be seen, she knew we were around. Five babies where been looked after by one young lady!
It gets worse..while we were talking to the administrator one of the little children by the name of Tolu who was brain damaged due to the way he was delivered (his mother standing and him delivered head first) like any 2yr old boy went playing amongst some donated gift items…what happened next was the nail in the coffin for me….Ms Regina Adegbite slapped the little boy on his face! In front of 4 mothers, when she was confronted about her action she said she would do it again, that the boy was stubborn. Sabina had mentioned that when she was at the orphanage sometime before that Ms Regina Adegbite had smacked my baby Sola in her present…now we saw it for ourselves. If she could do that in our presence what would she do in our absences?
After the slap, I had to excuse myself less I did something that would not have been lady like. Sabina carried Tolu and was comforting him she had tears in her eyes and prayed over him and the other babies…her heart was so broken
These children are at risk!
At risk of malnutrition!
At risk of abuse (emotional/physical)
At risk of death!
CHILD WELFARE IN NIGERIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ….More on trying to get help for the babies of Hope for all Foundation Motherless babies home Igbo Efon, Lekki
The kind of help I trully would like is to move the babies away from that place to another safe orphange ….cos there are plenty of very well run homes in Nigeria.
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BENEFFITING ACCOUNT: LINKACHILD (ACCT NUMBER 4338691934)
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What has been done so far…..
Toys…
lagos_2-001.jpg lagos_2-003.jpg lagos_2-004.jpg
The babies playing with the toys….but look at the state of their beds, help make a difference!
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Painted walls and stickers
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Food stuff , nappies and Baby milk
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Things still in need of are beds, decent kitchen unit, bore-hole ( for clean water) so the Home does not have to buy water.
lagos-036.jpg lagos-077.jpg lagos-083.jpg Bore-hole (well) lagos_2-007.jpg lagos_2-008.jpg
.If you’re not part of the solution, you are…
PS: Will not be putting up any new posts for the next 2months….
A says:
Why do you want romance?
Is it because of other wives or because this would give you personal happiness?
I don’t think you truly understand your hubby when he says he is tired.
I have always wondered why some men who are matured, financially empowered and are ripe for marriage cringe at the word marriage. These are but one of the reasons;
The constant self cantered demands that are engineered from seeing other wives. If this man satisfy this romantic demand, I am sure you something else would come up;
Neighbour X’s wife is driving the latest Bima or she is wearing the best cut diamond.
Why not change those programs that constantly demand without taking the others into consideration?
B says:
“What do you want romance for” you say
Incredible!…so money, and a big house, hard working and ambitions man is all a woman should desire in a marriage.
It is thinking like this that makes women have affairs with their driver, houseboy or any other available person that shows her a tiny bit of affection.
You talk about the makeup of a man….what about woman?
The older generation (our parents) a lot of our mother where never happy or enjoyed the relationship with their husbands…but they stayed (which is one thing this generation needs to learn) but they were not allowed or encouraged to say “this is what I like”.
They were taught duty but not the value of intimacy in marriage … sex was just for procreation not to be enjoyed.
The wife here is asking for romance from her own husband….the boy should be lucky she still looking at him for that…
Marriage is about growing old together in every aspect of the relationship…romance and intimacy is very, I repeat very important in marriage … even the bible agrees, supports and encourages it … go check out the lyrics of my man Solomon!
A says:
You don’t answer my questions so I don’t know what to say but answer yours.
1) The woman is the one making the demands here not the man if it were the man I would say the man should understand the woman.
2) How do you know our mothers were never happy? What gives them this happiness the unending self centred demands. Women of old have learnt through this same societal influences to understand their hubby. No wonder the very minute percent in divorce rate as compared with the magnitude of divorce rate we have today.
3) The woman is taught duty not romance. i don’t understand what you mean by taught duty not romance. If a woman goes to another man for pleasure, then the whole concept of “FOR BETTER FOR WORSE”, that women keep on calling doesn’t come to play.
I don’t know about you but the fundamental issue here is the Self centred program running in the ladies system, this needs to be reverted to other-centred program.
Why quote Solomon of all people; I am sure you would not advocate your man to follow his route.
I think I have to rest my case
B says:
1) She is not making a demand; she is suggesting improvements for the enjoyment of her relationship with her husband.
2) I know that base on a majority of our mother relationship with her husband, a lot of us come from a generation where the man had women outside the marriage and the wife knew and could do nothing about it, The girlfriends outside the marriage satisfied a softer more “romantic” side for the men.
I know cos of the kind of advice you her them give … things like what you’re saying … all the attention and all the feelings to consider is for the man only.
Yes, I agree totally with you that there were fewer divorces. Our mother paid a big price for their children, but you see we the children will like to improve on what our mothers did, that is what progress should be all about. We have a lot to learn from our mothers, but still we have additions of our own and so will our daughters.
3) Long suffering, perseverance and duty to the family, to the collective was very much pushed…and remember a lot of that generation came from polygamous family, so the idea of one man one woman was not familiar…(the different wives satisfied different needs for the man) the younger the wife the more tender and affectionate.
I was not advocating affairs; all I was saying is things like this could contribute to that happening.
Both couple should desire intimacy in marriage…getting to know one another, what makes the other tick.( Love in action )
Solomon was not perfect…but he did things to that we could learn from.
A we are saying similar things…all I am saying is intimacy (romance encourages it) is just as important as duty, faithfulness, loyalty and longsuffering in marriage
A says:
I believe we would just keep going in cycles because you are adding various things that are not pertinent to the discussion.
Why do you say the mothers paid a great price?
I don’t want to go on and on but that paradigm is flawed.
Imagine a man goes to the farm, labours under the hot sun to provide for his family and comes back home and his wife (wives) want romance.
Romance ko, romance ni.
This kind of thinking would always end up in divorce – comparing you with another, demanding without taking the other person into account; this is the route to total disaster.
B says:
My dear,
it’s thinking like this that make people think that African men are not affectionate or romantic….I disagree.
We have words for love and affection, word that are endearing to ones love… i.e. in Yoruba language we have Ayanfe okan mi, Ibo language Ifunaya ( spelling may be wrong) :) just to mention a few
(Please I would like any more to be posted, Ibo, Yoruba, Hausa, Edo ….)
Any man that says his wife does not have need for romance should keep a good eye on her cos – I no know who no like better thing! ( I don’t know who doesn’t like good things) 
In comes C saying:
I think A is trying to attack a root cause, and B is trying asking why the leaves are dry. I think the answer lies in a combination of what you are saying, then a little extra. Here are my views.
1. Yes I agree with the fact that a self centred paradigm will create issues. But I also believe that no matter how other centred you are, you can still trace it back to self. If a man and a child are in a place and a snake appears, the man will probably go for the child, pick her up and then run. This would show that he is not self centred right? Try putting his child and another, then you’ll discover that the reason he went for the child was because it was “my child”. People are selfish by design! We can try and work ourselves up to transcendence, but even when we are beginning to leave our lives for others, it is because we have a need to do it. We can only work around this, the ideal is a point we should all tend towards.
2. The need for romance is a real need. In marriage, husband and wife must settle down to understand each other’s needs (this is where they need to first be other centred, not the wife alone, both of them). An adage in Yoruba says that a man wouldn’t have pounded yam at home and disturb eba outside. The reason why couples begin to look for avenues to satisfy their needs outside is because a) they are immature and aren’t willing to try and try until it works and b) they do not have pounded yam at home or c) the pounded yam does not satisfy their needs anymore. I speak figuratively here. The reason why a guy or lady continues to remain faithful even when his or her needs are not being met is either a) he/she fears God, b) he or she is doing it for the children, c) the opportunity is yet to present itself, d) he or she is a mungun ( fool)
3. If the guy labours all night, works all day, makes money for the house and the wife asks for romance… (I dare say when the guy works so hard, he rarely gets home and falls asleep, he wants something…but he wants it too fast for the lady. He has real needs, but is willing to meet another need, he feels after all i have worked hard and NEED this little favour )…he has met a basic need – food, shelter e.t.c – but there is still a need to be met, your wife needs a romantic husband. I think when you do a why analysis on the other centred paradigm, the bulk should stop on the man’s quarters. After all, even though Eve played a principal role in the fall of man, Adam was still held responsible. I think men need to get a grip. The number one reason family fail is weak leadership – and leadership doesn’t mean telling others how things ought to be done!
4. What is making divorce more these days is women liberation. Back in the days, they could just stick with it. Nowadays, the rights are equal. She can walk out as well. The generation of our grandmothers ( for we young people) stuck up with a lot of ****. The effect of this? Weak men and weak sons. And society is reaping the fruit of it. The generation of hit and run, the 2 mins indomie and microwave generation. Immature, weak willed, easily seducible men. I think Mr. Unromantic is the product of this generation. Why does he have to work it out at home, when he can simply go for a business strip and get more for less?
The family system needs healing, let’s raise a standard! Do I have a witness?
B says:
I bear you witness!!! Hear! Hear!
I agree totally with all you have said, bar one.
I don’t believe romance is a leaf issue but part of the root system.
In every marriage the couples should first be friends, friendly to one another, to achieve good friendship, intimacy will have to involve, time will be spent together, just like how to know God we spend time with him, we study His words so we know what He likes and dislikes, so we can be pleasing to Him, because we enjoy our time shared…this brings us closer to Him. We are then able to share and partake in His vision and purpose for us and others.
Romance is not just about flowers and cards and dinner dates…romance fuels friendship and intimacy which build a better relationship, which brings a couple together, makes them one in their attitude, it unites them….helps build trust. (Two necessary foundational bricks in marriage)
When a couple is united and they are `agreed, when the storms and winds come (which will come in every marriage at one time or another) they will stand!
So, this is why I still hold on to the stance that, romance is part of the root system in building a solid foundation in marriage.
A says
I don’t believe the romance that B defining has anything to do with intimacy. She already narrows her choices to what she sees other wives doing which provoked my making my comments. She said she wanted flowers, cakes, etc and does not regard a man helping at home as romance. All is in the thoughts of the giver and the beholder.
If I spend time with my wife, gisting(making small talk), cooking together with her, going to the market and relaxing with films occasionally. If she is so happy with this arrangement, is this not romantic enough.
But then, the issue starts when she sees her neighbour getting flowers and cakes and the neighbour’s husband is not doing the cooking, gisting, etc. She is not privy to this info, only sees the cakes and the flowers and complains (excuse me, nags) that the man is Mr Unromantic.
What B wrote about is not a root issue; it is a paradigm issue – looking at another to define your happiness.
The relationship is heading to a disaster unless she repents.
B says:
“If I spend time with my wife, gisting(making small talk), cooking together with her, going to the market and relaxing with films occasionally. If she is so happy with this arrangement, is this not romantic enough”
A if your wife says to you her husband that all that is romance to and for her, then you are just fine with that for your relationship…( you communicate to your wife in her love language) she is happy and so are you, but if you ask her and she says that is not so for her, then as a good partner you should try to make sure that you are communicating the same or required love language of your partner.
I have never seen or heard where a couple are making effort to please one another ever end in disaster!
Yemisi was “the babe” in campus, slim figured long legs very attractive and brainy too. After graduation she married her Uni sweet heart Michael…he was equally fine in looks and brains, they both complimented one another very well ( well that was my opinion)
Now she and Michael had been dating for about 4years and engaged the last year…Michael was so in love with her and she to him… anyone that knew them could see that, they were inseparable. We all attended the wedding, a most romantic and beautiful affair.
So you could understand my surprise to learn that they were separated… you know how rumours can be. I did not want to believe, until this faith day, I was walking out of a supermarket on the high street when I bumped into Yemisi…the girl was like a size 16 ….she was still pretty but I just could not understand her weight gain…we exchanged numbers and agreed to met up at her place for Lunch the following day.
We had a pleasant meal, then sat down to catch up on our lives… she came out straight with it and told me she was now separated and in the process of a divorce …the expression on her face said it all … she was still getting use to the idea and not happy about it at all.
She now had 3 children and was working with one of the Telecommunications company in the City….I had to ask her what the reason of the break down in her marriage, many things crossed my mind, could it be infidelity ( it is most of the time ) it could not be children, she had 2 two boys and a girl. To my amazement, she said… I became to fat for my husband o! What? Are you serious? I exclaimed… she continued that as she started having children the weight piled on and became difficult to shift… but her husband kept telling her, he loved her just the way she was so she did not feel the need to do anything about it…Soon he stopped touching her, sex was none existent until one day he said he did not want to be with her and that he did not find her attractive anymore, all this after 8yrs of marriage. She said she did all to loose the weight, but by then there was no love left in her husband heart for her…
I ask, should that be enough to end a marriage. Should that be enough to stop loving your partner?
Would a woman divorce, if her husband became over weight? Or are men only driven to love visually? I wonder?
Peace out all….Leave you with that for a couple of weeks
“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor”
-Archbishop Desmond Tutu, South African Bishop opposing Aparthied.
When Kimberly Smith, executive director of Make Way Partners, found James teaching under the trees, he had 150 orphans looking to him to share his education with them but he had nothing else to give. No food. No medical care. Not even a shelter to provide shade blistering Sahara sun.
Today, James has 400 orphans and thanks to the generosity of many he has open air classrooms where the children can at least have a roof over their heads. He is also able to feed them every day and on Wednesdays they even get meat. At this very moment, he is desperately working to get the funding to buy materials to finish dormitories for the little ones before the rains come. The children need shelter. They need protection. James knows.
He can’t forget the number 278.…
To read post in full, please go to http://everydaymiracle.wordpress.com/2007/05/28/278-reasons-to-care/#more-211
Birthing Ishmael!
We all will experience hurts, disappointments and even betrayal by the ones we love and trust sometime in our journey of life. I guess that is why it is a journey of many paths… We will come to crossroads and have to choose what direction is best to travel, some may be roads well travelled, so you have an idea of what may lay ahead others may be uncharted territory, one you would have to trail blaze yourself and some may just be wrong to walk!
Relationships become important, close ones became valuable and relied on, we’ll sometimes let others lead us down there path, let them set the tone or pace of your journey, until things start taking a turn for the worst and the feeling of trust gets violated, love broken. We start to loose the lustre in the relationship. You just want to give up trying any longer, and for the moment to ease the pain….To ease what ever pressure you long for, a soothing ointment ( could be drink, drugs, work or in the arms of another) but not the true “balm”. But we know we need soothing, release for the moment!
It is at this point I say call out! shout out! even cry out! to the one that has a greater and better view of your journey. The one that created and knows you ….Please! Do not faint, for in your weakness is when He shows up in His strength on your behalf.
Do not miss your call, purpose, and destiny by selling your birthright for a morsel of porridge (instant gratification). Do not walk in bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment for this will only birth more pain and revenge, but wait!…………. Less we birth “an Ishmael”
What is birthing an Ishmael you say……
You will have to go the bible and read the book of Genesis 16-21.
To paraphrase …. Abraham and his wife Sarah were very old and had no child of there own, but were promised by God that they would have a child. In the impatience of Sarah, she encouraged her husband to bear a child with her maidservant called Hagar; she gave birth to Ishmael meaning God hears. By the time Ishmael was a teen Sarah took in and gave birth to her son called Isaac (you see Gods word never goes back to Him unfulfilled)
Sarah later made her husband send Hagar and her son Ishmael away, cos she felt had become a treat to Isaac her son and cos Hagar had taunted her all the years after Ishmael was born….
Today the trouble in the Middle East between Israel and the Palestine is all a result of Sarah’s impatience.
Let us not in our pain, heartache and weakness take the law /retribution, payback, revenge in our own hands….
The Journey is long with bends and turns, up’s and down’s, the bumps on the road are many!
Be encouraged!
*an Ishmael*………….a temporal solution that could cause long term damage.
What can I say, Easter was blessed!
I was in Nigeria (Lagos) for the break- so much happening, so much to do
emotions array at times, but still most of it pleasant.
If you have been frequenting this blog, you would know I have a passion for
Orphans and the gift called adoption.
I am involved with an organisation called LINKACHILD; they collect data about
orphanage in Nigeria, help in raising funds and the awareness of 7million
orphans in Nigeria.
It was more than a privilege to be part of this team as I accompanied Sina (linka
child Administrator) Shola (volunteer) Ada (volunteer) to the registration of a
newly found orphanage called Hope for all in Igbo Efon, Lekkie. This orphanage
was situated in an affluent area with 10 or more “mega churches” flanked on the
major road, mega houses and estates too, yet it reflected nothing of its
environment.
The building was massive, but rundown, there was no running water, the long and
short of it is, its in need of a major make over. As we walk through the dark
damp hallway to the nursery where the babies slept my heart sank!
Looking at the states of there nursery, it took me back to what my kids room
looks like. How I taught about my kids room and how I did’nt feel it was still as good as i’ll like it to be….( then I see kids that have nothing ) ….I taugth about how my kids left there toys about the place and me forever shouting “put your toys away”
There was little or no toys, the beds they slept in were ok, but the
mattress and sheets were filthy.
As we were introduced to the babies and told a bit of there story of how they
came to be in the orphanage, I came across a baby that just touched my heart. I
saw her and felt in my heart say” I could have given birth to you ” as she laid
there on her back looking ever so serious at me, then making a bodily gestures,
as if to say “pick me up” ” I want to get out of here” I picked her out
of the cot, with her still steering hard at me trying to study my face , looking
deep into me she finally gives me a little side smile..as if saying I like you ,
with your funny colour hair and dangly earrings” ( oh here I go
puuuuuuuuuulllllllllll) we fell in love or should I say I fell in love with my
Sola ( as she is called)
I carried her through out the visit and when it was time to go, I found it difficult
to leave her there. All the babies were beautiful; they all radiated from
within. I could not understand how evil had been able to get them here, but had to
encourage myself that God had a plan for each of them and was looking out for
them.
I was told that there were other orphanages that were in worst condition, at
least this one had a benefactor by the name of Father Adegbite.
I did go back to see Baby Sola again on Easter Sunday before service with my
Hubby, there we meet a lady that came to see a particular baby she found , the
day he was born.
Due to the way his mother must have stood giving birth to him (head first and
standing)he suffer injuries to his head and was brain damage when he was found.
Just like the first time, leaving Sola was heart breaking, and as we drove along
Lekkie Epe-expressway going to church passing all the other churches and people,
church goers in their best “Easter” outfits all feeling good about themselves I
felt a bit bitter with us ( yes me included) .
How is the kingdom of God going to come when we forget we should be effective
in our community and be truly salt to the earth.?
I was staying in this community over the Easter break so I knew the amount of
wealth spent in the said community. How some people saw it as nothing to spend on
another designer bag or pair of shoe that they did not really need or gold
earring and necklace set to add to their already large collection of jewellery
Or the thousands of Naira (Nigerian currency) spent on a night out or day at the
beach, I wonder just if each church donated one Sunday s offering once a month,
what a way that money would go, not just to this particular home but all the
others in the area, that would truly be obeying Christ commandment of Looking
after the orphans and widows. A true act of worship to God!
That is what I call effective Christianity!
I will hopeful have more pic’s for you to see of the visit to HOPE FOR ALL FOUNDATION babies home at the end of the week at
www.linkachild.wordpress.com
Please for any kind of donation or more information on how you could assist Linkachild
please go to their website www.linkachild.org
PS: No, I am not adopting Sola. (you never know ) I just see her as a catalyst, as a point to keep me going and to remind me that every little counts…I may not be able to reach all the worlds orphans, but I can reach her and all the other babies in this particular home that I and my husband are doing all we can to make there lives just a little better!
As I walk in this season of my life, I am just overwhelmed with the different extreme of emotions I am going through… form one minute feeling like giving up, of shame, despair and then excitement that it’s not all over, but a chance to “do over” a chance to make it better, sweeter and greater!!
So I thank the God of a SECOND CHANCE!!!
Devil you should have killed me when you had the chance….
When I walked out of God’s plan, out of His purpose and destiny for me, and let myself get tainted, diluted and separated from Him……to the point that when my Lord went looking; could not find me, only to see me bound and chained by my own habits that did not glorify Him….
I was ugly and in dispair I was without the glory my Lord had put on me….Yet He came and paid the costly price to release and save me. You saved me, cleansed me, and started to prepare me. With my head down you lifted me.You told me (reminded me) who I was ….
You gave me beauty for all my ashes, joy for all my pain.You clothe me with your righteousness again!
You stayed with me to teach me how to walk with you, again! You restored my purpose for you loosed me!
Devil you should have killed me when you had the chance….
‘Cos now, I am loosed! and set free!
Amen!
Authour: Refinedone
Slavery with all its horrors was still a plan of God! (Believe it or not)
This was what my pastor preached about on Sunday the 25th of Mrach(200yrs of the abolition of slavery in the British colonies). At first that did not go so well with me, just as I was getting over that he dropped another “truth” …( he did warn that most of us would not take to his next statement likely) Trust me, it did not with me, but you could not deny the truth.
He reminded us about Joseph and how his brothers first planned to kill him because of his dreams/destiny and favour he had with there father…but later decide to sell him into slavery … They did not know, nor care what would become of him. As the story goes Joseph favour followed him every where …In the donjons he had favour with his gift as a dream interpreter, from there to be made a citizen and a Governor and only subordinate to Pharaoh ( King of Egypt) all this in the land he was sold to as a slave.
Then we are told there was famine in the all the land …but there was food in
Egypt, because Joseph had been able to read the dream of the King that foretold the famine… anyway cos of all this Josephs family where able to come and get food and even relocated….Read the detailed story in the book of Genesis 39-47.
All this is said to let you know the plans of God in your life can be killed/aborted or destroyed…what God says, will be fulfilled, a seed that never dies will never ripe a harvest.
Why I decided to write this post was because in the post before this I said something about an apology….which I would like to take back.
That is not necessary for the plans of God for slavery will be fulfilled. The pathway of our Destiny… {Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes horror has to happen and we may never understand its purpose but, that God, He knows!}
When Jesus was born …King Herald killed child aged 2yrs and under just to prevent destiny… was God aware? Yes …Why did He allow that? I don’t know (I guess that is why He is God!)
Brothers sold Brothers … That was what my Pastor said that did not go well with me, Slaves from
Africa were sold by there own brothers( Africans)… No matter how hard that maybe for us to accept it is the truth!
This has caused division between Africans and West Indians to date…some feel resentful towards Africans for what was done to there ancestors.
We should not let division in our lives, for the perfect will of God is still to be unfolded…Our dreams will still be fulfilled.
Brothers on different continents, of different shades, we are all still brothers, as I said before FORGIVNESS is the only way forwarded.
After all, what makes any event important, unless by its observation we become better and wiser, and learn to do justly, to love mercy,and walk humbly before God…. OLADAH EQUIANO. ( an exslave that was stripped of his home, culture and language)
25 MARCH 2007 will mark 200years to the day that a parliamentary Bill was passed to abolish the slave trade in the British colonies. Although it would be another 30 years before slaves gained their final freedom – when slavery was abolished throughout the British Empire.The need for a large and steady supply of labour on the sugar plantations of the Caribbean and South America, and on the cotton plantations in North America leaded to need of labour (Guess where they looked?) but to the dark continent of Africa.
The Middle Passage was the sailing of slave ships from Africa to the Americas. It is estimated that between nine to 12 million Africans were forced to make this passages The African captives were considered as ‘cargo’ and inhumanely packed together below the deck of a ship for most of the journey This took anywhere from six to eigth weeks, Conditions were appalling in the packed and unhealthy ship holds, and up to one in five died. Uprisings were common, but were violently suppressed .The mortality rate for the average journey was 10-15 per cent due to ill treatment, malnutrition and disease.Once the ships arrived at their destination, the surviving Africans were cleaned and prepared for auction.Now …I am not going to go into all the different wronged that the salves encountered, this is a season to remember those that were lost, the pain and suffering endured.
A time to salute those that fought against it and help bring an end. It a time for forgiveness and yes apology …..But most of all forgiveness and a time for closure, and this not be repeated in it’s different forms today!
The effect of slavery has left lasting damage to a whole race of people, but should not be used as an excuse not to progress and achieve their best.
What is slavery?
A slave is one…
• forced to work – through mental or physical threat;
• owned or controlled by an ‘employer’, usually through mental or physical abuse or threatened abuse;
• dehumanised, treated as a commodity or bought and sold as ‘property’
• physically constrained or has restrictions placed on his/her freedom of movement.
…so today we remember those who endure this evil…those that did not survive the journey and died as “cargo”
Roll call and Salute ….
To the freedom fighters and those who rose to became a symbol of encouragement to other slaves…
The first recorded slave revolt was in 1570. There were at least 250 shipboard rebellions. Jamaican slave society faced a serious revolt every decade, in addition to prolonged guerrilla war. In 1760, 30,000 Jamaican slaves revolted. The culmination, recorded in CLR James’s magisterial The Black Jacobins, was the 1791 slave revolt in St Domingue.
Granville Sharp, Olaudah Equiano, Ottobah Cugoano, Thomas Clarkson, John Newton, William Wilberforce, Hannah More, William Knibb, Ignatius Sancho, Elizabeth Heyrick, Samuel Adja(Ajayi)i Crowther, John Wesley Toussaint, L’Overture Sam Sharpe.
For more please go to http://www.setallfree.net
…This blog was not meant to be a personal journal like most out there, it was to be a means of service, and a stepping out into a place I have not been before…why am I saying all this, well cos I am about to share like a journal which this blogsite is not, but I have such an overwhelming feeling to share with all what is happening to me at this very moment …I feel the presence of the Lord to do this.
Coming out of a season and place that I would never have thought I would walk…and the mercy and grace of God have been Oh! So! Amazing…
Just when I think I have seen all of God in my life He shows me another dimension to Him…
At the moment what I am listening to is- Youthful Praise with James Hairston …and it is just speaking my heart every single song is just ministering to me, healing my heart and just putting in that place to hangout with God again.… (Worship for me is the way I fellowship and connect with my father and the lover of my soul)
I did not intend writing about this… but I just feel like shouting of God’s awesomeness in my life… No matter how I fall or fall short He still loves me…He will truly turn what the enemy plans to use to destroy/embarrass/cause pain that can sometimes be irreversible, all for good and the glory of Him!!… An incredible God deserves AN INCREDIBLE PRAISE!!!
The battle is in the mind for real…the distorting of truth that would cause the wrong decision to be made which would determine destiny… whoa!!!
I am all about DESTINY!!! and to allow destiny to nearly be destroyed by wrong decision based on the mind… God, I thank you!!! You’re Incredible and I bless you.
{praise break}
I love you lord with all my heart ….I thank you for mercy and grace …again I say you’re an INCREDIBLE GOD!!!
During healing you’re very fragile… and start thinking your personality is to blame … No! I am unique and God has made me so… you say to yourself… so if other takes advantage/ dishonour or take you for granted cos of that, is for them to deal with …
I am a very open soul… I easily take people in to my heart, so when that is bruised, it makes me question my personality…which in turn makes me lot more guarded than I would normally not be…
So why am I saying all this.. to be honest I don’t know, just was so excited that when I feel low, sometimes so disappointed in myself ..That there is a God that loves me sooooo much and who’s forever forgiving, faithful and loving… so all I can do is to give Him PRAISE!!
And say Shabach to the rock!!! (Praise to the Lord !!!)
Just sitting here watching an animation story about Mother Teresa with my children
…..telling a story about a woman that gave all of herself for others..
A woman that from childhood… by watching and listening to her mother learnt to be of service… to show love in action… to be giving.
As a child she once gave away her shoes to a boy that had none and walk home bear foot… Freely she gave away, had no fear in doing that… for she knew her own mother would understand…
This same act was repeated on the streets of Calcutta after answering the call of God to leave being a Nun to become a missionary to the poor and outcast …This she did without initial provision from the Catholic Church.
She was a mother to the motherless… A mother to other young women that knew and followed her… She nurtured, and cared for the poor.
She showed love in action giving up her life in service to others…
A mother is not just the one that carried you in her worm and births you.
A mother is not just the one that nurse and weaned you as a baby.
A mother is not just the one that feed and clothes you.
A mother is not just the one that stayed awake when you had chicken pox, measles, or a high fever when you were teething or suffered the flu…
A mother is not just that one that cut the crust of you pack lunch sandwich (just because you did not like it)
A mother is not just the one that was at every dance, drama or ballet recital you ever performed with the loudness voice in the audience to cheer you on…
A mother is not just that one that scarified that high paying job that would have kept her away from spending time with you …
A mother is not just the one that worried when you where growing…Watching you as you developed, and worried if you would ever walk, talk or read like every other child your age…
A mother is not just the one that dreams of a great future and would suffer any pain just to prevent you experiencing it.
A mother is not just the one that would work 3 jobs to make sure you have that dress for your school prom…
A mother is not just the one that taught you how to cook (be it grudgingly) saying “no man will marry a woman that can not cook”
A mother is not just the one that advice you to be a responsible man and how to treat your wife.
A mother is not just the one that would lovely watch you sleep at what ever age and her heart melts and a sigh of Ahh..
mother is not just the one that carries her grandchild lovely and prays for a greater future… NO!
A Mother is all that and some…
What is a Mother to you?
To mine I say … HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
To all those women that have contributed to make me who I am so far …I salute you all!
To every single mother that has had to do it all by herself …I salute you!
To every mother that has loved and called into her heart a child not of her blood.. I salute you!
To every mother that has fostered child/children I salute you too!!
Thanks for sharing that gift called Love…for a mothers love is not a bond that can be broken!
Happy Mothers Day! (UK) 18th Of March 2007
….As Easter (resurrection Sunday) rolls by real soon, I could not help but think about a topic that is dear to my heart; Adoption.
The process of adoption is when an individual - whether relative or not – assumes parental responsibility for the child of another.
For those that are born of the spirit and “adopted” into the kingdom of God as sons and daughters…we have all and full legal inheritance rights to the kingdom of God, with this we enjoy the privilege of protection and love of the family of God.
Esther was adopted by her uncle Mordecai at the death of her parents; Joseph adopted Jesus as his own in the eyes of man and God which gave Jesus legal claim to the Davidic throne (line of King David)
Adoption is divinely authorised, God-blessed and legally binding means for adding to the family and passing on the family inheritance…
“O redeems those who were under the law, so that we may be adopted as sons with full rights” (Gal 4:5)
“He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will” (Eph 1:5)
….Since we know this entire, why is the church not in front leading the idea and issue of adoption.
The prayer lines of those seeking the “the fruit of the womb” grows daily. Women doing all sorts all in the hope of bearing a child.
Please do not get me wrong or feel am being unsympathetic, I have 3 children of mine and could not imagine not being able to have kids of my own, but when I think of all the beautiful babies in orphanages and motherless babies homes my heart aches. and is sadden, these are options that are not even looked into at all, so I ask is adoption a western idea?
My husband and I are agreed on adopting at least 2 more children to our family and fostering as many as we can…
As you ponder I’ll leave you all with this story based on real events….
Boy crying under a bridge, two women passing by, filled with compassion they stop to ask the boy of about 14yrs what the matter was?
The boy explains that he was brought from the village to work as a house help (servant) and had to runaway because he was being maltreated. Not having anyway to go back home, for he had no home to go back to, no family that wanted him or cared.
The sister asked if he would go with them, one of the sisters, the older one asked him to come and stay with her whom he agreed.
As time went on the boy again was being mistreated by the older sister, he complained to the younger sister who too could see the treatment he was receiving and was not happy about it. The younger of the sisters took the boy into her own home after convincing her husband to agree ( he was concerned that they knew nothing about this boy) the younger of the sisters and her family lived in a humble 3 bedroom flat with 4 children at the time, both couple were bankers.
In the evenings the boy went to night school, and progress to study accounting, through all this time he was still serving the family…he had become part of the family, not a houseboy, to the point that when 3 other children were born in the family he practically raised them, the kids were so close to him that most nights the 2 younger ones were found sleeping in his bed … (they never knew him as nothing else but there big brother).
That was how things continued, they boy grew to a responsible young man and the sister helped him get his first job as an office junior in the bank she worked in. As time went and he graduated, the Youngman got a job with a bank and gradually progress and promoted into management and was doing well for him self….
When it was time to marry the younger sister and husband stood as Mother and father for him in marrying his wife, by default he had became the first child of the family …he help build the couple, who have now became family, there first house, he looked and is still looking after them, all his children refer to his adopted parents as Grandma and Grandpa.
As the children grew they started asking questions (as children do) …”If you are my daddy’s mother and father why do we have different surnames”? This was the same question the younger sisters’ children asked to…why did you and daddy never legally adopted “Big brother”?
One of the children believed that the Nigerian mentality would not have allowed it… the extended family (who did not even know it was the Youngman that built the house they live in now) were showing concern that this Youngman is not your blood child, how will you let him inherit your property…or why would you bring him to family meeting as you first son?
So I ask can we truly adopt in Nigeria?
Can you only love your blood child/ children?
What will happen to all the children in orphanages around the country?
Why are couples that can’t have children not adopting as an option?
Is adoption a western idea?More on Adoption, Fostering and more information on orphanages nearest to you, please contact www.linkachild.org
Pain can be good…Tears come after Joy…
Have you ever lost something that you thought you had already lost only to find out that you where just about to loose it for real…? (If that make sense to you, then you have been there).
We make decision to help, protect oursleves, or stop other people hurting us…
We rationalise wrong decisions, cos we are in a pain or afraid.
This month we are talking all about LOVE
I am just going to write without qualifying what I am saying, I just feel the need to do this; so if someone gets something from it… so be it.
The girl loves to be loved…, loves hard work and determination: big attraction.
The girl was young when her heart was given away for ever, but let’s tracks back…
Before then, the girl was looking for love in all the wrong places, she had nothing else but that to Have you ever lost something that you thought you had already lost only to find out that you where give (she did not know that at the time) you see how the best things about you can be blinded by you …. Just before girlfriend’s heart became cold and shut …love walked in … lovewalked in so different from what GF was use to…lovelooked different, spoke different , did not real fit GF ideal…but she gave it a go…love said “ what do you have against a men taking you out for dinner and bring you back home in good time” love said I know about the others that took your love and could not appreciate it for the gold it was, I promise to wipe those tears away’ not to be remembered again…promise to look after you with all my love ….( at this point GF was not really ready to open up again, but was curious to see what would happen .
Loved was constant, love was solid, and was always there….GF felt protected, valued, possessed, content and poured out!… did not feel vulnerable or afraid to LOVE!
As GF fellowships with love, and found out that GF could be loved for real… love brought yellow roes, art materials, and counted the copper coins to cover and provide for GF, she loved love even when other could not see what love could offer. But GF did!
In the mist of all the love, there where clouds of darkness (sometimes) but too often (chipping away) the glow of Love…At that time GF felt (rightly or wrongly) that lovedid not love GF anymore in their special way! Too many criticisms, too many let-downs, explained way …always explained…always explained…was it necessary? (Will find out)
…..then what happened, love started chipping away from GF …Little by little, little things… Little things…
Harsh words, a hard thoughts, lots of little excess, no control. love started to shake…I think Love forgot “I’ll wipe the tears from your eyes” and stated to bring tears to GF the pain….the pain…
OK! So the wounds would heal, the heart forgiven… was love taking GF for granted or just had other things on the mind….did life come in and steal the atmosphere of their love? Did they both take their love for granted and not guard it with all their heart?
….anyway, time passed, blue clouds and dark clouds came and went…the rains came and sunshine shone as hearts are broken and mended, broken and mended…healed hearts with scar tissues building around…the heart.
(Let’s not forget the God factor!!) That was only what was holding things up, together and somewhat moving… hope was driving the bus (maybe trust, patience, courage and faith should have been passengers too)
For as time passed GF decided…why must my heart keep on breaking? …yes there were fun times…plenty …so much fun, so much births have come and gone. Blessings that could not be returned and responsible for…
As we where saying GF made a decision that what would make or break the love (she never knew)
A heart that has felt betrayed (I say felt…cos that is the deception here), been bruised but had a high sense of duty would look for a balance, for sanity, for numbing the pain past or expected… (Does all that make sense?) well so it was…..
….so here comes he that is good at magnifying your supposed pain and bruises to the level of destruction of one’s self…you know him…the enemy of LOVE…the usurper of life …the life source of darkness …in his disguise as a solution.
…watch here as he set the stage for his devastation…in come the players onto stage.
Love….
GF….
“The solution”
Their love…
The birthing of their love…
All to be destroyed.
GF says…love it lost, fast spent and not ever going to see just me again…but we have a duty to do
Love is brilliant on duty…you cannot fault Love on that…nothing special anymore but duty.
Love on the other hand says …yes! I have not been fair, I have seen the light…I have a plan to go back to my promises…to lift GF again… (but the evil one has plans)
The solution… did not even know was a pawn in the distractions of the Love for love and GF and even ”Solution” (how sad).
…..Solution come just as GF decision is made…soon GF feels this balm for the pain past and the pain to come…
The evil one( EVO) dressed “solution” in the old clothes of love…( you guessed it GF is deceived and so is solution) as always EVO tells you he is giving you what has been taken from you when you had it all the time…for when you take it then you lose everything!
In comes riding on His white horse wielding his sword, exposing and causing what seem like distruction…in the commotion ….in the mess….in the confusion….in the pain…in tears … in the breaking ..There is a pouring out of Truth! The lies are exposed! Love and GF are saved… even “solution” is saved form a future that would have been smeared …
….so do I have a conclusion? No…you make yours.
But I have this to say ….before any major decisions, make sure HOPE, FAITH, TRUTH, PATIENCE, Unity OF MIND, and COURAGE AND LONG-SUFFERING ARE driving and riding on the bus….
PS: 11 days to go o!
What does it mean to be single? (To be separate, unique and whole)
The Bible says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wow! God took his time to create me. There can be only one “me” I am one of a kind.
Even Identical twins, who my look alike still have things that they will differ on, No two fingerprints are the same. No two experiences are the same, that’s what makes me who I am.
When I stand before God, He sees me, a separate individual whether I am married or not.
Many single people are in a hurry to be married and see there singleness as a negative state, especial after a particular age (dare I say). They feel they would be complete once they are married (as if marriage validates you as a person)
When you enter marriage as your salvation to wholeness and believe your spouse will Complete you or make you secure in yourself…you put pressure on the spouse and you being the end of the marriage.
If you are not comfortable with your individuality, I am sorry to say you are not ready to be married.
When last did you date yourself?
That sound funny but just think about it?
Do you need people to validate you all the time? Do you need other people to motivate you to enjoy yourself?
Can you sit in a restaurant or coffee bar by yourself and still feel comfortable?
When last did you look in the mirror and just say to the reflection Man! Or Lady! You are “too fine”, “you are all that a bag of chips”. What I’m trying to say is pay yourself complements. (Once you know you are fine, any other complement is purely an addition to what you know about yourself) The power of your self esteem should be in your hands.
If you disrespect or have a poor image of yourself, you will only course people to treat you that way…So love yourself even with all its flaws. Remember you are unique and anyhow, don’t you know confidence is sexy!
What does alone mean? (Isolated or secluded)
A single person that is content and whole dose not needs to be alone, cos that is how you can get isolated. Instead make friends and enjoy there company, but find the balance and not get dependent on having people around you all the time, that is how you could end up in an unhealthy relationship that allow other people take advantage of you, because they know you depend on there presence.
Let God be the lover of you soul, your companion and friend in the times loneliness…Enjoy your singleness, develop your self find out what makes you tick, what you like and not like and let you Life partner meet you along the way of discovering “you” in the relationship with your heavenly Father.
Partners, be it male or female are to do nothing but complement you and not complete you….remember you are WHOLE!
They are to be nothing more than help that is suitable and fit (help-meet)
Allow God present your partner to you.
Be friends first. That is the foundation to a good marriage, someone you can laugh freely with, someone you can be yourself and not feel you have to watch yourself or feel like your walking on egg shells around.
God has given us free will to chose, so when you are presented by the one, you still have the choice to choose…God will not make you do anything.
Even Adam had a choice to reject Eve when God presented her. I don’t see anywhere (please correct me if I am wrong) in the Bible where God told Adam meet your wife! (He identified her)
I personally use to believe the “only one person for me” syndrome, when you see him my heart will stop skip a beat and all that romance novels stuff…One Mr/Miss Right, but NO! There are many “right” people who will be presented to you….How you choose to develop and establish the relationship is all yours!
Please don’t get over spiritual about it (many marriages have been broken that either partners or one said” God told me you’re my wife/husband”) apply common sense with spiritual maturity before you say “I DO”
Begin please by enjoying your singleness and individuality, let that complement your relationship with others around you, be it friend or family
Sister-Friend Alidee in the House…
It’s that time of the year when you’re returning back to work, school or wherever it might be.
The question that everyone asks is how was your Christmas? That is after they have wished you Happy New Year.
Whatever season you’re in, my question to you is have you arrived?
I was having a conversation with a friend recently and we were discussing individual’s perception about when they have arrived in life.
Some people consider being married as arriving in life; some people think because they have all the material wealth in life that they have arrived and the list goes on.
Well I have had a new revelation and that revelation is we arrive when we get to heaven and completed our earthly purpose.
This year I decided to do something different for Christmas. I spent my Christmas holidays doing voluntary work with an organisation called CRISIS.
CRISIS provides shelter for homeless people during the Christmas period. This year the shelter opened it doors on the Saturday 23rd of December to Saturday 30th December. During the period they provided homeless people with food, shelter, clothing, medical care, dentist, counselling, library facilities, Internet access, housing referral, career opportunities, chiropody, hairdressing and entertainment.
Well I must say it was an eye opener for me. When we think about homeless people most of us think about the person who’s on the streets because of such things as drugs, alcohol and mental issues.
Well it’s amazing some of the stories that you hear. I can now tell you that the above is just some of the reasons why people are homeless.
I looked around and to my amazement there were people who we would pass on the streets and never think they were homeless who were staying in the shelter. Even some of your colleagues who may be sitting next to you in the office are sleeping rough at nights. People from varying backgrounds, classes and ages resided at the shelter for the week.
There were people in the shelter up to about six months ago had all the material wealth such as houses, cars, 2.4 children, qualifications, earning in the high income bracket, you know the things we use to measure success.
But guess what things happened and their circumstances changed. A percentage of some of these people lost everything and they ended up in a homeless shelter alone with nothing to their name except a few items of clothing.
One of the guys said at least he’s still alive and because he’s still got life he has hope. He’s actually planning to get his life back on track and come back next year as a volunteer.
Some of the people that I spoke to said if anyone had said to them a year ago that they would be spending Christmas in a homeless shelter their response would have probably been no.
So where did they go wrong?
Did they become proud, did they become boastful, did they become arrogant, did they become selfish, what happened? To be quite honest I do not want to be judge or juror of their case. But just to remind myself and also to remind others that it’s a fine line.
So have you arrived?
“It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.
Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.
So let’s just humble ourselves, give thanks continuously remember he gives grace to the humble“ Ephesians 2: 6-8
Author: Alicia Camile Douglas.
“ CHRISTMAS, the REASON for the SEASON is out of the mess of the first Christmas is the massage of LOVE, LIFE and HOPE”
