So many ways I have seen you,
So many ways I have hoped to understand you,
So many ways I have longed to end your worries.
You’re holding on to many things…
So much pain, So much hurt, so little joy.
‘ your bleeding heart can mend’
But you have to let go of all that weighs you down
and be lifted up.
Being fragile in a world of no real love pre-empts decisions
That gives rise to mistakes.
So let it go and be lifted up!
Ilu-Ilu.
BELIEVE.
To Believe! To be Brave!
Take Courage! Take the Chance!
Make the Leap! Make it Happen!
Don’t Give Up! Don’t Give up on You!
Keep the dream alive! Keep the Faith!
Dream! Dream!! Dream Big!!!
Never Give Up!
from the deepest darkest marry mire–a way is made.
In the heated passion of temptation–a choice of escape can be found.
A way out of no way,
A blazing trail through the wilderness is beaten, as water parts the desert dry, so is a way out of no way and choice of escape is found!
More than your load, carry you will not, for HE makes a way out, to escape and to flee!
RefinedOne.
“true liberty is in the courage to choose righteousness, for righteousness is never easy and will have to be fought to possess”
RefinedOne.
TyBello {Passion renewed}
i see it now / i understand / i know
so i embrace it
dance in the rain it’s for my seeds to grow
for every prayer and every seed i’ve sown
the Lord of the harvest knows
i’m reaping back a hundred fold
chorus
the land is green – it’s green
ooooh
the land is green – it’s green
can’t you see?
the harvest is ready
‘cuz the Lord of the harvest told me so
it’s green – it’s green for me
it’s green – it’s green for me
verse 2
chorus
bridge
i thought it was over
thought You were done with me
but we’re just beginning oh my life is a journey
i will walk with You
i will go where You want me to yes i will go
chorus 2
the land is green – it’s green
ooooh
the land is green – it’s green
can’t you see?
repeat 3 xs
the harvest is ready ‘cuz He told me so
it’s green and it’s all mine
© Ty Bello
Asa { Purpose and destiny, its all about Others}
…soon come! 
Man proposes God disposes, so they say….Well it seem so in my situation. I would have loved to be writing this in the heat of Lagos, but alas! It’s not to be…
All my furniture and things are having that experience at the moment without me…something came up and we have to spend one more Christmas in the UK….
Yes I am still in the cold of the UK…dreaming of my Lagos sun.As I sit on the floor typing this( it’s all back to basic guys ) …No Christmas tree or decorations…No feeling of the season, my body is here but my spirit is not ( it is in las gidi )…thinking of all my plans for Christmas in Lagos… taking the children to the beach after feasting and visiting, I think God must have a reason…He must have something better in store in January or He is just looking out for us, one way or another ….It is well!
So one more “tango in the UK” folks I will make the best of a situation I was not looking forward to….
On the 3rdthis month makes One year of blogging for me….How the year has flown. It has been the best and the worst of years all mixed into one…. But I would say it has been a year of Gods faithfulness… getting to know more about the layers that make me, ME.
A year that God has shown me I am able to carry some loads I would have never believed I could… A year of seeing how far His love for me expands. A year of growth….This has been a landmark year and I am thankful.I would like to thank all that have ever left a comment on my blog….all those that have been to my blog and not left any comments…all those that have left email comments and encouragement…all those that have emailed me to say they where encouraged by my words or post, I say a big THANK YOU…GOD BLESS YOU and I look forward to many more years (God willing)
My New Year starts in September, that is when I seek God face for a word to carry into the following year/season. 2007 was “Taking the limits of God and expanding boundaries” This He sure did…I was so excited about the expanding boundaries, that I did not take in to account what it fully implied…If I was to expand my boundaries, that would also mean stepping into a boundary already occupied, at first I was not careful and did not protect myself from the assault and attack of “expanding boundaries” but soon understood that when God gives you a word it will be fulfilled, but it will never come easy, cos it is in the process of the fire you are REFINED.
This Year/Season 2008 ( yes 2008 , for I am already in my New Year) my word from God has been “Soar like an eagle….New beginnings/ new thinking…a season of separation and feeling of going it alone (some friendships will not go it with me in this year/season). Many will not understand me…but that’s ok, they are not meant to. It’s a continuation from the year before to take the limits of God and walk in my uniqueness.
The more I read about the character and attribute of an eagle it gets clearer…This time I have learnt to guard my heart, keep myself in His covering and not be arrogant to think I know anything….for it is all Him.
Have a Merry Christmas ….the reason for the season is CHRIST and nothing else…Not the trees…Not the presents…Not the food….Not clothes…..Not the drinks.
Happy New Year….may we all walk in the fullness of our purpose and fulfil DESTINY.
Till 2008.
Thanks http://mumsdadschildren.blogspot.com for this:
Planned, worried and prepared…
But now,
The boxes are packed,
A house in boxes to be moved to a home.
Now it’s dawned on me…
I am leaving all I have known for nearly 20yrs,
to a new mindset…a new way… new people… wow! When all said it was a “big step” we were taking …I took no notice.
So I will not smell winter of spice and cinnamon and all that is Christmas in England…
So I will not see my morning birds that visit outside the kitchen window…Mr Robin in the winter months and Mr Magpie and friends…
And will not see the blossoms of my cerrytree in spring as it opens delicately white with a hue of pink, and the bloom of my spring garden with the daffodils and tulips in the ray of colours red, pink and yellows, and as summer warms up the bloom of the five rose bushes, Wow!
Quietly as I pack up the last boxes I get a nut in my tummy and everything seemed to move in slow motion..
Ah! A new adventure …and new chapter in the pages of my life…Lord you told me this year was going to be a year of “taking the limits off , expanding my boundaries and stepping out”
it sure has been…I never for saw this happening …So soon, but you said “dream big dreams” and I sure did! As I and my family take this “big step” and have our “walk on the water moment” with you Lord, I am confident, excited and full of expectation of what you have in store for us in the very near future.
Home called, and I(we)answered..
From eternity to destiny in-between these; the seasons
Yes! You choose me from the creation of time
Yes! I was with you, in you, were you.
You birth me into this shell for you know the end.
In this shell you kept me, to minister for you care so much; you wanted to feel what I felt, to deliver destiny and redeem a generation.
Ah! To be born into this shell and go through the seasons, learning, being broken and birthing.
Ah! How this shell has been knocked, bruised, abused, tossed and pulled … for the shell hates you!
it loves what it sees and wants more
it loves what it feels and wants more
it loves what it touches and wants more
it loves what it tastes and wants more
it loves what it hears and wants more…
But! Yes, I was in you from the creation of time, was with you and was you.
Alas! You are still in me to birth destiny (for you know the end).
The alabaster box was broken
The lamb was slain, so ….
You break and slay me daily, in seasons to birth destiny (for you know the end).
I am knocked but I get up, to be knocked again and again
But I get up quicker with every blow until I master how to block and dock the punches….
With each knock, a breaking, until you are poured out of this shell to birth eternity to destiny…
For you alone know the end!
Author: RefinedOne
…will not be putting any new post for a while, stay strong all
God has chosen us all, the decision to act is yours and mine. God has asked us to do the impossible; cos He is the God of the impossible, but we let the fear of what people would say or think of us (just in case we don’t succeed)
We all have our different path to walk in this life time and all God asks for is Obedience, not qualification, not ability and not understanding of the full picture or end plan. I am finding out God always has a reason for whatever He ask of us, sometimes we know, other times we just have to trust Him.{ The bible says God’s thoughts for us are good and not of evil to give us a hope and a future } so we should be rest assured that anything He wants for us is GOOD! Although most times during the process it does not feel so…
Changing the world is possible, it can only be done with God’s help…He has given us the manual, the bible, in it He says have Faith…Trust Him…Love one another and be Obedient to His word and instructions.
Obey Gods word and He will do the impossible in our lives and through us (a privilege to be co-workers) to reach and change the world! …so let’s go and build our ARK, for when the floods come (for it will surely come) we are able to be “a safe place” for others.
We can change the world by one Act of Random Kindness.
Watching the film Evan Almighty Oh! So blessed me, yes! it empowered me to succeed!
……So let’s start by taking our blessed selves and actually be a BLESSING.
Let’s build our ARK and Change the World.
dallenia Says:
October 23, 2007 at 12:39 am e well girl what can i say i’m so so happy for you. that the lord found you the right one indeed.
well girl i wish could say the same for me. well the last time i thought i found the right one girl .he did me wrong. he play the act he was so so nice.and then play the hard to get. i never fell inlove by my self, but it happend to me now it been,8 month i cant forget him why i dont know.it feels like acurse.i ask god to forget but he still on my mind. everyday. it like ”a never ending storie”the thing that hurt me the most i’m scared of leting myself go and be wo.
Dear Dallenia
I feel for you and wish I could tell you that the experience was all about my guy but rather he was simple the vessel that God used to touch me. The poem is about my transformation process, it is the result of the journey I had to go through with God in order to let go of my fears and issues about marriage so that I can come to the place of not seeing marriage as a prison. A place where woman are nothing but slaves or so I thought but now I can see marriage differently , I now see it as a place of safety and security where I am free to accomplish all that I can be. I have finally crucified the Jezebel (the controlling spirit) in me and I have taken the mantle of Sarah, a woman of faith whose trust is in God to make any changes in her man necessary. I am free to simple love.
As for your guy all I can say is break the soul tie and move on. If my guy were to leave today, I would be hurt but I would move on and be eternally grateful to him. What I have learnt is so valuable and precious, at times God is interested in the process and not necessarily the end result. The feelings I have is based on God’s perspective, it is about agape love, a love that has God at the centre of it. While we were yet sinners God loved us, so my guy does not have to attain a standard or do something for me to feel what I am feeling. It is looking and feeling with the eyes of God.
Be encouraged and wait for God he will bring the right one, it is well worth the wait. In the meantime let God help you deal with your issues and make you whole. There are many women out there but a woman like me, one who know her value is one in a million. I guess the truth question is how do you value yourself as a woman?
Blessed.
…..Meet a woman in love
The Woman in Me
Situations has cause me to hide
Circumstances has changed me
The world has caused me to turn away from the woman in me.
I look around and see women
Incomplete women, lonely women
Women who have something missing in them
I see women acting like men
Women with the {WO} missing in them
I should know I use to be one of them
But a touch from the right man
A word from my love is all it takes
And the woman in me comes out.
Oh what a wonderful feeling it is to be a woman
To have my {WO} back again
It is okay for me not to be so strong
It is okay for me to have emotions
It is okay for me to lay down my life
And to let the man be the man
It is okay because I am loved and accepted
The woman in me feels safe and secure
What a joyous feeling it is
What a restful feeling
What a peaceful feeling it is
To be a woman again
I can safely say, perfect love cast out all fears
I can safely say, love makes all the difference
I can truly testify that the love of the right man is all it takes
Woman, heed my advice
Wait for the right man, there is no feeling like it
Wait for the right one and be the woman God has created you to be
Wait it is worth it, just to see the transformation take place in you
Wait, it is worth it, just to have the burden lifted off
Wait and see the salvation of the Lord
Let him bring the right one
Let him bring that one
Whose voice causes your heart to skip a beat
Whose touch causes your knees to weaken
Whose words brings out the best in you
Wait it is well worth the wait
The love of the right man makes
You feel like you can do anything
The love of a right man
Inspires the woman in you to experience new things
It causes you to aspire to be the best you can be
A Woman
That is all you need to be
A Woman
That is who you were made to be
So my prayer is that one day
You meet someone like my love
And for the first time
Yes I can say it
My lord
Who will bring back the {WO} in you
And cause you to dare to be a woman again.
Author: Blessed Oluwayemi.
Who do you think you are?
What makes you think you can rain on mySunny days?
Who do you think you are?
What makes you think that my dark daysWill last?
What makes you think you can break me…
What makes you think I am no more than you could be Privilege to know…
I may not qualify in your eyes
I may not look the part (now)
But still I soar
Daily I am given breath to soar even higher
My glory….a reflection of the Son
For I am like the moon able, to turn the tide Of a generation, a time and season
That is who I know I am,Who are you?
Author: RefinedOne.
Cece Winans- When I listen to her music it always ministers to me, she comes across like one that is a true worshipper- one that loves the Lord with all her being giving Him the praise in every way. Apart from being an award winning artist (six times Grammy awards winner), Dove award winner, Soul train award winner and actress… she is also a teacher and mentor…Her album Throne room is my all time favourite, not just the melody but the words always bring healing and joy to my soul, I feel sometimes listening to her songs and feel like I am intruding in her personal time with God. I most admire about her is a passion for the youth, especially young girls. In Oct of 2005, Cece developed and hosted the Always Sisters conference which focuses on support for young women ages 13-26yrs, where she offered words of encouragement and self esteem was discussed. This is her passion that young women will walk in the fullness of God glory and self worth of their everyday lives. At the conference she presented the young ladies with tiaras as a token to the girl, She said…”My prayer was that they know God and know who they are”…”He is the only one that can really teach you who you are, how beautiful you are, how powerful you are, that you deserve the best and not to settle for less” This are the kind of things I like to see and hear..Older women mentoring the younger ones and empowering them on who (we) are as women/princesses and should be treated as one by ourselves and others. Cece has been married for over 21yrs with two children (boy/girl) Cece the wife and mother has managed to balance her personal and professional lives with relatives ease….this for me is a woman living a life with purpose.
Oprah Winfrey- Born January 29, 1954 is the American multiple-Emmy Award winning host of The Oprah Show, the highest-rated talk show in television history. She is also an influential book critic, an Academy Award -nominated actress for The Color Purple. And a magazine publisher of O, The Oprah Magazine and O at Home. She has been ranked the richest African American of the 20th century, the most philanthropic African American of all time, and the world’s only black billionaire for three straight years. She is also, according to some assessments, the most influential woman in the world {} raised in rural poverty by her grandmother, born out of wedlock by a mother who was a housekeeper and father a coal miner, at the birth of Oprah, but later became a councilman. Regardless of background and a challenged home life she was able to rise above it all at 13yrs received a scholarship to attend Nicolet High School in the Milwaukee suburb of Glendale, Wisconsin after which she won an oratory contest, which secured her full scholarship to Tennessee State University, a historically black institution, where she studied communication. This is a woman that has accomplished so much in the world of media I could go on, but what I would like to spotlight and truly admire is her Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa, she intends teaching a class via satellite. Oprah is not married, but instead has been in longstanding relationship of over 20yrs with partner Stedman Graham. She never had children of her own but had this to say about the girls of her Leadership Academy….”I never had children, never even thought I would have children. Now I have 152 daughters; expecting 75 more next year. That is some type of gestation period…I said to the mothers, the family members, the aunts, the grannies — because most of these girls have lost their families, their parents — I said to them, “Your daughters are now my daughters and I promise you I’m going to take care of your daughters. I promise you.”
I found doing the research for this list quiet reflective and it sure did reinforce things about myself that I am absolutely sure are no coincidences anymore… all the women that I admire, truly sum me up …Out of the box, Passionate, Motivational, Strong, Natural nurturers, Called to run “their own” race, Unique with a large heart of service to others and effective to their immediate society and the world!
None of these women are perfect and have made mistakes in their lives, they have had their share of challenges and adversity, but it never stopped them…
Life must have purpose!
Who inspires you?
Who do you admire?
And Why?
Bimbo Odukoya-The very first time I saw this fast talking, energetic and passionate woman on my tv screen, I had to stop and listen, after which I had to know more about her and what drives her….She was about marriages and how to have a good one which was an interest of mine. Pastor Bimbo Odukoya was (for she is late now) an Evangelist, motivational speaker, marriage counsellor and mentor to many Nigerian youths. Apart from her teaching through the Singles and Married programme, she was also a writer and author; she has columns in several national and international including ThisDay, CityPeople, and Leadship and life style based in the UK. Her columns dwell primarily on true life experiences of both the good and bad side of married and unmarried people. Before her untimely death on in a plane crash on the 10th of Dec 2005, she was the associate senior pastor of fountain of Life Church and President of Discovery for Women; a ministry the motives and challenges woman to discover there purpose in life and maximize their God given potential. She was married to Senior Pastor Taiwo Odukoya and had three children. May her soul rest in peace….Amen.
Adesuwa Onyenokwe- Is it possible to just like someone you have never met? Well in the case of Adesuwa Onyenokwe, it was so. The very first time I came across her was through her TV programme called Woman Today. Her voice was so calm and I just loved her manner and presentation…very lady like and wholesome in her opinions and views. I love the way she carries herself… with such dignity, not trying to be anything she not, she stands out in the fakeness( if that’s a word ) that is called Nigerian “celebrity”(IMO) this was confirmed by a family friend, when in conversation her name came up and I was saying how very dignified and mature she comes across. Adesuwa read drama for her first degree at the Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-Ife, and followed it up with a master’s degree in Language Arts at the University of Ibadan in Nigeria. Her show Today’s Woman has become a source of inspiration to many women. The show was created to help fill the void at the time of lack of understanding the womenfolk and also give them a voice. She is quoted as saying “”The bottom-line is to show that there are many women out there who have such God-given qualities as empathy. And you know that to make a good leader, you have to empathise. We are good managers because by nature we manage two roles: motherhood and wifehood,” Her ideal concept of today’s woman is somebody who is in total union with God and with self, to the extent that she is beneficial to humanity. This is why she features on her programme women who should serve as role models to others, especially the younger ones. Since she started presenting Today’s Woman on TV in 2000, many women of substance who have made their mark in the society have been featured {taken from an interview with Newswatch}. Born August 8, 1963, in Ibadan, Oyo State, Onyenokwe is the fifth of eleven children, she is married to Ikechukwu Onyenokwe, an engineer and management consultant with 6 children (3boys and 3girls)
2 to go …
As part of Black history month in the United Kingdom, I would like to present Seven Black Women I admire and would like to celebrate ….
1- 
Mrs Clara Onelum, You may not all know her but I do, she is my “mummy” She is an inspiration and note worthy.She is passionate and devoted to her children and family, an example of a woman, Classy, hardworking and committed. My mother has always been my first role model. She worked in the bank for 16yrs, refused promotion so as not to be away from raising her then very young children, So to keep herself busy and fuel her entrepreneurial spirit, she qualified as a hair dresser/stylist from Revlon in the States, opened her own salon first in the house and then later expanded it to a shop next door with a dressmaking section to it…she had a wholesale distributorship too all she did from home…no matter how busy she was we always sat together for our meals which she cooked ( that left a lasting impression on me) she was able to be a mom and also be productive and fulfilled…she later went to catering school and qualified as a chef which she did in the UK until she retired 5yrs ago…but that has not stopped her. I could go on but will stop there
2- 
Nike Davies Okundaye – Now when Vanity Fair was looking to have “African” Icons on its cover why was Nike not part of it I say! She can only be described by me with one word as an enigma! She is naturally talented and creative. She is one of Nigeria’s most successful contemporary artiste, and the very few to gain international reputations as an artist and designer, all this from a woman with no formal training. At a very young age learnt indigo weaving and dyeing ( Adire) from her great-grandmother. She refused an arranged marriage and ran away with a theatre group. To read more about how she gained independence and escaped the violence and abuse of her first husband and how she has developed a centre of the arts in Lagos, Oshogbo in Ogun state and Ogidi in Kogi state of Nigeria and also how she is helping rural women gain financial freedom as well as build up their self esteem by training them in the arts of Adire. http://nikeart.com/main.htm and read her biography http://blackartstudio.com/Nikespage.htm
3-
Maya Angelou- She is a woman of great substance and elegance a true beauty. She is one of many of the contemporary voices of literature…Her poetry, like one of her own many titles are just “Phenomenal” (Phenomenal Woman is my all time favourite poem of hers) she is an historian, bestselling author, play write, civil-rights activist and I hear producer and director too…The beauty of her words and lyrical flow just blows me away..Her original name is Marguerite Johnson. Her book I know why the caged bird sings was about her childhood, spent between her grandmother in rural, segregated Stamps, Arkansas and St.Louis, Missouri where her mother lived, her rape at 8yrs by her mother’s boyfriend to age sixteen and with the birth of her son, by the time she was in her early twenties she was a Creole cook, a streetcar conductor, a cocktail waitress a dancer, a madam and unwed mother, the following decades saw her emerge as a successful singer, actress and playwright, an English-language magazine in Egypt, a lecturer and civil rights activist. In 1993 Angelou gave a moving reading of her poem On the pulse of morning at Bill Clinton’s Presidential inauguration which gave her wide recognition
Poetry break….
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3 down 4 to go… 
I’m more than your daughter, your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend your lover, your confidance
I am of royal lineage and a priestly one too.
The evil one comes cunning and whispers words that lead to strife, worry, low self esteem
NO! You choose me from the creation of time; I’m whole, of purpose and of excellence.
I’m more than your……
I was made, created, fashioned, cultivated, planned (not an after thought) and supervised by God to be ezer (helper) to the kingdom.
I am valuable to God, I am somebody not to be used and abused….
Capable, intelligent, virtuous I am; who can find me? Only in Christ, for God’s glory.
I’m more than your……
The evil one whispers….your too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too shy, too out spoken, have an accent, not qualified, too qualified, too old, too young……have nothing to offer (A LIE) for I’m adorned with glory, power, majesty my true beauty ……the essence of me.
In me is trust, peace, love and life.
I’m more than your…..
Greater is in me……..
I have so much inside, to be birth, walked out, excised and then refilled; my assignment? Gods plan, to use this ‘building” for His Kingdom.
Setting my affection, looking to the Kingdom first my lord provides all, all that I would ever need.
I’m more than your…..
For when you see me you see Him in all His glory; when I speak you hear His words cutting and dividing the word of truth, as it should.
For I AM MORE! I AM MORE!!!
I AM OF ROYAL BLOOD
I AM OF A ROYAL FAMILY
I AM OF A ROYAL KINGDOM AND A PRIESTLY ONE TOO.
Author: Refinedone
Yesterday I said a enough is a enough!!
Yesterday I decided to truly trust in Him
Yesterday old struggles that tried to rise up where put down
Yesterday pains and worries where put back on the altar (not looking back, this time)
Yesterday a rebirth, not looking to man, but to God, for He knows the beginning and end of me…
Stay strong people…..
Did i ever say how much i enjoy Tyler Perry’s stage plays with his principal character “Madea” which he plays. 
This clip is from the stage production called…. 
Enjoy
http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1963735
Artist : Mufu Onifade
Title: Omu iya du (Mothers mike is sweet)
We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. “We’re taking a survey,” she says, half-joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?” “It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. “I know,” she says, “no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations….” But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking “What if that had been MY child?” That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of “Mom!” will cause her to drop her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at McDonald’s will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give
it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years-not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.I want her to know that a caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honour. My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children’s future. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. “You’ll never regret it,” I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter’s hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God . . . that of being a Mother.
Authour Unknown.
On one rainy Sunday morning they both came together gather with friends and family to say “again” and renew their earlier vows to themselves….This time they did not repeat what was presented to them as is done, both each wrote their hearts commitment towards the other.
She said- in a sea of tears (for she can be emotional like that)…
I in the present of God, family and friends… I promise to comfort, encourage, and do you only good, as long as there is life within me. I promise to pray for you and lift you up before God. I promise to be the wife, mother, companion, friend and lover that you will be proud of. I promise to help meet and accomplish the purpose God has given you. I promise to reverence and honour you, to love you with the God kind of love. The love without conditions and not based on emotions. I promise before God, family and friends that I will not tolerate resentment and unforgiveness eroding what we are building together. I am thanking God for He has already given me the grace and empowerment to keep my vows to you.
He said-Holding back the tears, but a little making its way down the side…
I vow to sit in the presence of El-shaddai .To deliver His wealth, counsel and wisdom so we can raise Godly seeds, worthy soldiers in the last day army of Jesus. I vow to continually show my gratitude and appreciation for the early sacrifices you made to make our life together possible. As I thank you for your continuing devotion and faith, please know that you have all my gratitude, respect and love. For you have been a wonderful inspiration, support and help. My vow is to continue to find newer and fresher ways to give you everything a woman of virtue like you deserves. I thank the Father and you for the gifts which you made my life complete.
Since then 7yrs ago, many trails and tribulation have come, storms and floods have shaken the foundation of their love, marriage and even faith …yet they STOOD!
Never settling for second best and compromises, brutally honest with themselves (that was what made them unique), they said hurtful and sometimes unforgivable (but forgivable by grace)things to one another, things they never thought they would ever say to one another …did things they never thought they would do to one another…yet they STOOD!
It has been beautiful never the less, there union has be blessed with little angels from above( naughty sometimesJ) each with their unique contribution to the fold, with a bound of love for one another that could never be broken….and they STOOD!
They stood, for they kept it real…in their case it seemed it had to get bad (real bad before it could get better) or should I say fantastic! To solve a problem and enjoy the benefits, one has to get to the root cause, be honest, get good council and deal with it… Ignorance and darkness is where the evil one lives and breeds, but in God there can only be truth and light to set you free…
True freedom and joy in a marriage comes with a price… one of sacrifice, honesty, openness and most of all Love! (Not puppy, butterflies in my stomach love) but the Love of God… that says” I will love even when I don’t feel like” “I will love you, cos I am committed to you”
….By the Lord’s grace and mercy they loved one another, stood by one another, was gracious and understanding.
Now years have passed, they are older (ok, more mature) there love has and is “maturing” into fine wine and not fizzy pop! …with each year there love grows stronger and sweeter!
So when you see them and say … I want a marriage like so and so…..you at better ask them there journey and see whether you are ready to travel that road or better still, just ask God to show you your own road and how to make your own marriage work for you!
Every marriage and every couple is unique and will be refined by their own unique FIRE!!
Blessings.
Thanks for sharing this Tokunbo – www.mypenmypaper.wordpress.com
A says:
Why do you want romance?
Is it because of other wives or because this would give you personal happiness?
I don’t think you truly understand your hubby when he says he is tired.
I have always wondered why some men who are matured, financially empowered and are ripe for marriage cringe at the word marriage. These are but one of the reasons;
The constant self cantered demands that are engineered from seeing other wives. If this man satisfy this romantic demand, I am sure you something else would come up;
Neighbour X’s wife is driving the latest Bima or she is wearing the best cut diamond.
Why not change those programs that constantly demand without taking the others into consideration?
B says:
“What do you want romance for” you say
Incredible!…so money, and a big house, hard working and ambitions man is all a woman should desire in a marriage.
It is thinking like this that makes women have affairs with their driver, houseboy or any other available person that shows her a tiny bit of affection.
You talk about the makeup of a man….what about woman?
The older generation (our parents) a lot of our mother where never happy or enjoyed the relationship with their husbands…but they stayed (which is one thing this generation needs to learn) but they were not allowed or encouraged to say “this is what I like”.
They were taught duty but not the value of intimacy in marriage … sex was just for procreation not to be enjoyed.
The wife here is asking for romance from her own husband….the boy should be lucky she still looking at him for that…
Marriage is about growing old together in every aspect of the relationship…romance and intimacy is very, I repeat very important in marriage … even the bible agrees, supports and encourages it … go check out the lyrics of my man Solomon!
A says:
You don’t answer my questions so I don’t know what to say but answer yours.
1) The woman is the one making the demands here not the man if it were the man I would say the man should understand the woman.
2) How do you know our mothers were never happy? What gives them this happiness the unending self centred demands. Women of old have learnt through this same societal influences to understand their hubby. No wonder the very minute percent in divorce rate as compared with the magnitude of divorce rate we have today.
3) The woman is taught duty not romance. i don’t understand what you mean by taught duty not romance. If a woman goes to another man for pleasure, then the whole concept of “FOR BETTER FOR WORSE”, that women keep on calling doesn’t come to play.
I don’t know about you but the fundamental issue here is the Self centred program running in the ladies system, this needs to be reverted to other-centred program.
Why quote Solomon of all people; I am sure you would not advocate your man to follow his route.
I think I have to rest my case
B says:
1) She is not making a demand; she is suggesting improvements for the enjoyment of her relationship with her husband.
2) I know that base on a majority of our mother relationship with her husband, a lot of us come from a generation where the man had women outside the marriage and the wife knew and could do nothing about it, The girlfriends outside the marriage satisfied a softer more “romantic” side for the men.
I know cos of the kind of advice you her them give … things like what you’re saying … all the attention and all the feelings to consider is for the man only.
Yes, I agree totally with you that there were fewer divorces. Our mother paid a big price for their children, but you see we the children will like to improve on what our mothers did, that is what progress should be all about. We have a lot to learn from our mothers, but still we have additions of our own and so will our daughters.
3) Long suffering, perseverance and duty to the family, to the collective was very much pushed…and remember a lot of that generation came from polygamous family, so the idea of one man one woman was not familiar…(the different wives satisfied different needs for the man) the younger the wife the more tender and affectionate.
I was not advocating affairs; all I was saying is things like this could contribute to that happening.
Both couple should desire intimacy in marriage…getting to know one another, what makes the other tick.( Love in action )
Solomon was not perfect…but he did things to that we could learn from.
A we are saying similar things…all I am saying is intimacy (romance encourages it) is just as important as duty, faithfulness, loyalty and longsuffering in marriage
A says:
I believe we would just keep going in cycles because you are adding various things that are not pertinent to the discussion.
Why do you say the mothers paid a great price?
I don’t want to go on and on but that paradigm is flawed.
Imagine a man goes to the farm, labours under the hot sun to provide for his family and comes back home and his wife (wives) want romance.
Romance ko, romance ni.
This kind of thinking would always end up in divorce – comparing you with another, demanding without taking the other person into account; this is the route to total disaster.
B says:
My dear,
it’s thinking like this that make people think that African men are not affectionate or romantic….I disagree.
We have words for love and affection, word that are endearing to ones love… i.e. in Yoruba language we have Ayanfe okan mi, Ibo language Ifunaya ( spelling may be wrong) :) just to mention a few
(Please I would like any more to be posted, Ibo, Yoruba, Hausa, Edo ….)
Any man that says his wife does not have need for romance should keep a good eye on her cos – I no know who no like better thing! ( I don’t know who doesn’t like good things)
In comes C saying:
I think A is trying to attack a root cause, and B is trying asking why the leaves are dry. I think the answer lies in a combination of what you are saying, then a little extra. Here are my views.
1. Yes I agree with the fact that a self centred paradigm will create issues. But I also believe that no matter how other centred you are, you can still trace it back to self. If a man and a child are in a place and a snake appears, the man will probably go for the child, pick her up and then run. This would show that he is not self centred right? Try putting his child and another, then you’ll discover that the reason he went for the child was because it was “my child”. People are selfish by design! We can try and work ourselves up to transcendence, but even when we are beginning to leave our lives for others, it is because we have a need to do it. We can only work around this, the ideal is a point we should all tend towards.
2. The need for romance is a real need. In marriage, husband and wife must settle down to understand each other’s needs (this is where they need to first be other centred, not the wife alone, both of them). An adage in Yoruba says that a man wouldn’t have pounded yam at home and disturb eba outside. The reason why couples begin to look for avenues to satisfy their needs outside is because a) they are immature and aren’t willing to try and try until it works and b) they do not have pounded yam at home or c) the pounded yam does not satisfy their needs anymore. I speak figuratively here. The reason why a guy or lady continues to remain faithful even when his or her needs are not being met is either a) he/she fears God, b) he or she is doing it for the children, c) the opportunity is yet to present itself, d) he or she is a mungun ( fool)
3. If the guy labours all night, works all day, makes money for the house and the wife asks for romance… (I dare say when the guy works so hard, he rarely gets home and falls asleep, he wants something…but he wants it too fast for the lady. He has real needs, but is willing to meet another need, he feels after all i have worked hard and NEED this little favour )…he has met a basic need – food, shelter e.t.c – but there is still a need to be met, your wife needs a romantic husband. I think when you do a why analysis on the other centred paradigm, the bulk should stop on the man’s quarters. After all, even though Eve played a principal role in the fall of man, Adam was still held responsible. I think men need to get a grip. The number one reason family fail is weak leadership – and leadership doesn’t mean telling others how things ought to be done!
4. What is making divorce more these days is women liberation. Back in the days, they could just stick with it. Nowadays, the rights are equal. She can walk out as well. The generation of our grandmothers ( for we young people) stuck up with a lot of ****. The effect of this? Weak men and weak sons. And society is reaping the fruit of it. The generation of hit and run, the 2 mins indomie and microwave generation. Immature, weak willed, easily seducible men. I think Mr. Unromantic is the product of this generation. Why does he have to work it out at home, when he can simply go for a business strip and get more for less?
The family system needs healing, let’s raise a standard! Do I have a witness?
B says:
I bear you witness!!! Hear! Hear!
I agree totally with all you have said, bar one.
I don’t believe romance is a leaf issue but part of the root system.
In every marriage the couples should first be friends, friendly to one another, to achieve good friendship, intimacy will have to involve, time will be spent together, just like how to know God we spend time with him, we study His words so we know what He likes and dislikes, so we can be pleasing to Him, because we enjoy our time shared…this brings us closer to Him. We are then able to share and partake in His vision and purpose for us and others.
Romance is not just about flowers and cards and dinner dates…romance fuels friendship and intimacy which build a better relationship, which brings a couple together, makes them one in their attitude, it unites them….helps build trust. (Two necessary foundational bricks in marriage)
When a couple is united and they are `agreed, when the storms and winds come (which will come in every marriage at one time or another) they will stand!
So, this is why I still hold on to the stance that, romance is part of the root system in building a solid foundation in marriage.
A says
I don’t believe the romance that B defining has anything to do with intimacy. She already narrows her choices to what she sees other wives doing which provoked my making my comments. She said she wanted flowers, cakes, etc and does not regard a man helping at home as romance. All is in the thoughts of the giver and the beholder.
If I spend time with my wife, gisting(making small talk), cooking together with her, going to the market and relaxing with films occasionally. If she is so happy with this arrangement, is this not romantic enough.
But then, the issue starts when she sees her neighbour getting flowers and cakes and the neighbour’s husband is not doing the cooking, gisting, etc. She is not privy to this info, only sees the cakes and the flowers and complains (excuse me, nags) that the man is Mr Unromantic.
What B wrote about is not a root issue; it is a paradigm issue – looking at another to define your happiness.
The relationship is heading to a disaster unless she repents.
B says:
“If I spend time with my wife, gisting(making small talk), cooking together with her, going to the market and relaxing with films occasionally. If she is so happy with this arrangement, is this not romantic enough”
A if your wife says to you her husband that all that is romance to and for her, then you are just fine with that for your relationship…( you communicate to your wife in her love language) she is happy and so are you, but if you ask her and she says that is not so for her, then as a good partner you should try to make sure that you are communicating the same or required love language of your partner.
I have never seen or heard where a couple are making effort to please one another ever end in disaster!
….just got this in my mailbox from a friend Enjoy!
Nothing is impossible in Christ Jesus!!
This is what true Christianity is!
When we come together to give Him all of the praise and worship.
When we come together in Love as One Body! black, white, yellow or red!
Every tongue, Nation and Tribe!
…not arguing over doctrine!
Jesus is Lord….Saviour… King of Kings…God all by Himself!
…It’s Yomi Adegboye of yomisays.com blog, I dedicate this song to you ….listen to the words very well Sir!
In no particular order of importance ….
Rick Warren, Billy Graham, BishopT.D. Jakes, Max Lucado, John Maxwell, Charles Swindoll, JerryFalwell, Benny Hinn, Pat Robertson, Joyce Meyer Paul Crouch, Pastors William Shaw, Rod Parsley, Robert Schuller, John Hagee, Kenneth Copeland, Reinhard Bonnke, Daivd Oyedipo,
Chris Oyakilome, Crefllo Dollar, Enoch Adeboye, Sam Amaga, Matthew Ashimolowo, Tom Samson, Kathryn Kuhlman,
Aimee Semple Mcpherson, Maria Woodworth Etter, Joel Osteen ….and many more
He calls all these people and their Ministry false teachers and deceivers.…Here are a couple of quotes from him about when his “eyes opened”
“ For years, I was deceived and entrenched in the Word of faith cloud. I devoured, believed and taught the materials of Hagin, Copeland, Dollar, Oyedepo, Oyakhilome, and the like. But somewhere along the line God got my attention.” “Then I ran into a website where the writer took apart the teachings of some of these men in the light of Scriptures”
After the website “opened his eyes” he then decided to read his bible….hmm? should it not have been the other way round Sir?
Women in Ministry….
“Structurally, we had women in pulpit roles. I saw from God’s word that this was an aberration – a clear deviation from Biblical teachings and examples.”
…after his experience with “this website” please listen to what changes he made in his church.
“Probably the hardest part of the entire process was the fact that ALL of us had to throw away so many things we had individually and collectively said that the Holy Spirit told us. This came up because as we studied God’s word, we saw that the Bible was clear on those issues and as such the Holy Spirit could not have told us – and certainly did not tell us – any of those things” ….( how interesting?)
…so how can we be sure about your new teaching now sir?
Now I have no intention in debating doctrine here with anyone, that is for yourself, your bible and the Holy Spirit ( Oops! Yomi does not hear from the HS anymore cos he is the new HS, thanks to the “website”)
Why I wrote this post is to say….
If the “Man of God” so loves the word of God and God’s children then he should remember we are one body, working together to bring Gods Kingdom down and show His grace, mercy and most of all Love.Why does he not send a letter, organise meetings and talk with his brothers/sister (Oops again, I forget women are not meant to preach the word of God)…. anyway his brothers and sit in love and the true edification of the body and “reason” together as the bible says.
Question for you? Tell us O! Righteous one, WHO are the people that preach the word of God according to you and “the website”
Show us the way, for we would not know if you do not tell us….
Hello all, hope we all had a pleasant weekend and those that where able to celebrate with their fathers did so.It’s good to know we ALL have a heavenly Father that loves us unconditionally, that for ever protects and has made ALL provision available for our wellbeing.With His hands opened we can freely come to Him and call Him Father!
Father God I thank you!
I am a Christian and love the lord with all my heart, I am not religious but, one with a personal relationship with God the Father, Son (Jesus) and the Holy Spirit. I am not perfect, I make mistakes and still have things I struggle with.I thank God, for I can do nothing to attain or sustain perfection all by myself. What make me righteous ( right standing, able to be called righteous ) and able to stand before God almighty is not my “good deeds” or “good behaviour” it not my intelligence or lack of it…it’s not the eloquence of my words , wealth or fame, but simply the fact that I have ask Jesus in to my life as Lord and saviour and He with the sheared blood of Calvary has washed me and now God the Father sees me through the blood of God the Son, Jesus Christ.
For it is in Him I am made righteous!
I enjoy blogging and the freedom of expression, people can say what they have a passion for, it helps build networks and gets like minded people miles apart to share and grow in there ideas..It creates friendships…We all have our different points of view, but all are still respected…at least some do, these brings me to my topic for this post….which is going to be in two parts.
I find it really saddening and to be honest down right angry when in this blog village of ours ….one that calls himself a Christian, does not but do the work of the devil and tear down others that are of one blood and family (apparently he is the only one that has the mind and knows the mind of God) …I call him the “righteousness police”, he has taken the place of the HolySpirit, but I guess God has not informed the rest of us!
The one I refer to is a Nigerian blogger and “entrepreneur” based in Nigeria (guess he would do anything to get attention) This is something I would not normally do, but I believe it’s fair, as he does not have any sensitivity, respect or plain and simply; does not have the Spirit of God in him (IMO) based on his conduct.
All he does is ridicule, Christian Ministries all over the world and in Nigeria with his arrogant, haughty , self righteous ,wicked, insulting, holier than thou tone! (I don’t see the fruit of the spirit in any of those characteristics) If you do please let me know.The bible tell us to question/test doctrines…Religion should never be the opium of the people…we should not shut our heads and reasoning faculty in the name of religion, but ask questions, read the word of God for ourselves, pray for understanding and wisdom to implement what we learn, for the edify of ourselves and others, never forgetting the Love of God.
But this is not what this person does…and that is why I have called him the ACCUSER OF THE BRETHREN!!!!! What is worst is he is a Pastor of his own ministry…
Do you know him yet?
More to come….
Our Father….On the 3 Sunday of the month of June, 17th to be precise will be Father’s day, so I taught we talk about the office of a Father and celebrate them . A lot of people may not have had a good experience with there fathers, but some have and still do.With the increase or single mothers and teenage pregnancy the role of fathers is beginning to get distorted and even lost…young man are not taking up the responsibility, maybe because a lot of them never had a father/father figure in there lives too ( it hard to reproduce what you never had) Just getting a girl pregnant does not make you a father…A fathers role in a child’s life consists of love, protection, provision, direction and correction
To expand on this further I would like to introduce a lady that her blog has become a daily read for me, she is inspiring and eloquent as she explains her different topics, and I know she will do just that with this topic, I give you Olubola Oluyemi of www.mumsdadschildren.blogspot.com
Fatherhood is the state of being a father. It is the ability to hold the position and authority of a father in the family. In the holy bible “Fathers” is used in the sense of seniors, and of parents in general, or ancestors.
God’s fatherhood should be a typical example for all; it emphasizes the irreplaceable role of fathers in our individual lives.
The most important predictor of criminal behaviour is not race, not income, not religious affiliation. It’s a father influence. It is important that men know that bringing up children is a very important part of their life.
The greatest praise that men can give to motherhood is for them to share in the role because the presence or absence of masculine leadership in the home determines how the children turns out and this also determines the future and survival of any nation.
Fathers as Mentors/Mentors as Fathers….
Serving as a trusted counsellor or teacher to another person. Most children develop their perception of life by merely watching their parents. Children’s image of their father may have possibly affected their perception of God, which in turn affects their self-image. When a child has a negative perception of his father or the father figure in his life it is possible that the child will develop a negative attitude towards others.
For example:
If your father is pushy, inconsiderate of you, violate and used you, you may see others in the same way. You probably feel cheap or worthless in their eyes, and perhaps feel that you deserve to be taken advantage of by others. You may feel that even God will force you—not ask you—to do things you don’t want to do.
Also if your father is a weakling, and you couldn’t’t depend on him to help you or defend you, your image of God and other people may be that of a weakling. You may feel that you are unworthy of people’s comfort and support, or that they are unable to help you. If your father is overly critical and constantly came down hard on you, or if he didn’t believe in you or your capabilities and discouraged you from trying, you may perceive people in the same way. You don’t feel as if you’re worth other’s respect or trust. You may even see yourself as a continual failure, deserving all the criticism you receive.
But when you have a positive perception of your father or mentor, you’re likely to have a positive attitude towards others, God and future.
Author: Olubola Oluyemi.
So I say to all those men that have walked and are walking in the office of Fatherhood…we celebrate you!For those about to step into this office we encourage you and say; it is a privilege to be able to influence a generation.
On the 17th please take time out to celebrate our Fathers and Father figures.
Let it not be only one day in the year…but continuously.
For those who there Daddy is no more with us…..This is for you.
God the Father, in His joy we are made Strong!
No matter what we must have gone through or are going through God the Father makes all anew with and in His Love, Mercy, Grace and Forgiveness.
God the Father, Loves, Protects and Provides.
You are welcome in this place and every part of my being.
Thank you God!
You are the Rock on which I stand.
“All your life you live so close to truth it becomes a permanent blur in the corner of your eye. And when something nudges it into outline, it’s like being ambushed by a grotesque”
- Guildernstern
I really wish some women would stop fooling themselves. We live in a time where the truth is now up side down…we have become so cultured and advanced that we think we can question nature… yes! Nature. God made, God created, God Ordained Some things are so just because that is how it is made…there are exception to the rule, but that is what they are exceptions.I love getting in to dialogue with women that think they have all the answers… single, independent, up-wardly mobile and in there early to mid 20’s.They think they have all the answers… and because they may be successful in one area of there life, now think that is all life is about… money and academic or career success…That is all good and I admire that and should be celebrated, but to deny that you are nurtures and love beings, drawn to companionship is a lie!
It is sad that, in these day a lot of people are being raised in a single parent homes, some men are so iresponsible that girls grow up not knowing what is it to be look after, lovingly protected. Instead they grow up guarded, wounded , scared emotionally and do not want to have anything to do with a man. They now feel like every man should be treated like dirt… To be used and dumped for there own sexual pleasure… (you are just hurting your self more) 
Some of these women feel, because of what they must have see or bad experiences by the re mothers or other women while growing up now don’t have value for a man( who can blame them) But truth is truth no matter how distorted some have made it.
Because of that they are resentful towards men and refuse to appreciate the difference in the sexes, the responsibility and /or ability. In this PC generation the devil has told a big lie and some have bought into it. Hook line and sinker!
They say why should we marry?
So what if I have multiple partners, don’t men do the same?
I am using them not the other way round
When and if I want to have a child I will ask a gay friend to help be a sperm donor or go to a sperm bank.
I do not need any man in my life telling what to do!
My child does not have to have father.
I am financially capable
Women make better lovers
What do I need a man for?
Oh! Woman you have lost your essence
Created you were to give balance
To add fragrance.
However, you have been lead astray by what you see
By the hurts you experienced, that I never intended for you
Come back home daughter
And claim your crown and garment of honour, dignity and of beauty
Not just a form of outer adorning but of internal too
Oh! Daughter come back and be that lone star which shines so bright
Illuminating the path that we may go…
Of a high standard and grace…Ah! GRACE
DO you still know what that word means, daugthers of today?
“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor”
-Archbishop Desmond Tutu, South African Bishop opposing Aparthied.
When Kimberly Smith, executive director of Make Way Partners, found James teaching under the trees, he had 150 orphans looking to him to share his education with them but he had nothing else to give. No food. No medical care. Not even a shelter to provide shade blistering Sahara sun.
Today, James has 400 orphans and thanks to the generosity of many he has open air classrooms where the children can at least have a roof over their heads. He is also able to feed them every day and on Wednesdays they even get meat. At this very moment, he is desperately working to get the funding to buy materials to finish dormitories for the little ones before the rains come. The children need shelter. They need protection. James knows.
He can’t forget the number 278.…
To read post in full, please go to http://everydaymiracle.wordpress.com/2007/05/28/278-reasons-to-care/#more-211
Birthing Ishmael!
We all will experience hurts, disappointments and even betrayal by the ones we love and trust sometime in our journey of life. I guess that is why it is a journey of many paths… We will come to crossroads and have to choose what direction is best to travel, some may be roads well travelled, so you have an idea of what may lay ahead others may be uncharted territory, one you would have to trail blaze yourself and some may just be wrong to walk!
Relationships become important, close ones became valuable and relied on, we’ll sometimes let others lead us down there path, let them set the tone or pace of your journey, until things start taking a turn for the worst and the feeling of trust gets violated, love broken. We start to loose the lustre in the relationship. You just want to give up trying any longer, and for the moment to ease the pain….To ease what ever pressure you long for, a soothing ointment ( could be drink, drugs, work or in the arms of another) but not the true “balm”. But we know we need soothing, release for the moment!
It is at this point I say call out! shout out! even cry out! to the one that has a greater and better view of your journey. The one that created and knows you ….Please! Do not faint, for in your weakness is when He shows up in His strength on your behalf.
Do not miss your call, purpose, and destiny by selling your birthright for a morsel of porridge (instant gratification). Do not walk in bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment for this will only birth more pain and revenge, but wait!…………. Less we birth “an Ishmael”
What is birthing an Ishmael you say……
You will have to go the bible and read the book of Genesis 16-21.
To paraphrase …. Abraham and his wife Sarah were very old and had no child of there own, but were promised by God that they would have a child. In the impatience of Sarah, she encouraged her husband to bear a child with her maidservant called Hagar; she gave birth to Ishmael meaning God hears. By the time Ishmael was a teen Sarah took in and gave birth to her son called Isaac (you see Gods word never goes back to Him unfulfilled)
Sarah later made her husband send Hagar and her son Ishmael away, cos she felt had become a treat to Isaac her son and cos Hagar had taunted her all the years after Ishmael was born….
Today the trouble in the Middle East between Israel and the Palestine is all a result of Sarah’s impatience.
Let us not in our pain, heartache and weakness take the law /retribution, payback, revenge in our own hands….
The Journey is long with bends and turns, up’s and down’s, the bumps on the road are many!
Be encouraged!
*an Ishmael*………….a temporal solution that could cause long term damage.
What is happening to me? I feel so alive! Expectant and excited of the future. I love being a mom and wife and would not change that for anything, but I have always felt there was more to me.
I have just come back from a trip from home (Nigeria). Lagos has a way of bringing out my Alta-ego; I think I will call her PHOENIX, she feels she can do anything she sets her mind to, ever rising, indestructible, larger than life and bursting to birth her creative side, her destiny and purpose.
Truly home calls and all I do now is count my days. As a family we are ready to move back home, for personal reasons, to live! Not just, exist. It may not be your reality but it ours. We want our children to grow-up knowing there culture first hand to have a solid, rounded foundation, hubby and I just agree it is time to make the move (there are something’s that cannot be explained) you just have a restlessness that your unable to shake off.
For me personally I think the restlessness I feel is fast showing, that “thing” I could never articulate properly, of whats burning inside of me, some how it’s coming out now!I am going to shout it out… cos once it’s out I have no other way but to confront and deal with it, so here goes… “I am a frustrated artist” that feels better, now let the transition begin!
This year the lover of my soul had already dropped in my spirit it was going to be a year of expanding boundaries and taking the limits off, stepping out…and having many a “walking on the water”moments….Wow! It sure has been that so far, and the year is not over yet!
“Life is either daring adventure or nothing” _Helen Keller
….so let the adventure being! Phoenix is rising!
“A life lived without passion is a life lived in unfulfillment and regrets”
….Moi.
What can I say, Easter was blessed!
I was in Nigeria (Lagos) for the break- so much happening, so much to do
emotions array at times, but still most of it pleasant.
If you have been frequenting this blog, you would know I have a passion for
Orphans and the gift called adoption.
I am involved with an organisation called LINKACHILD; they collect data about
orphanage in Nigeria, help in raising funds and the awareness of 7million
orphans in Nigeria.
It was more than a privilege to be part of this team as I accompanied Sina (linka
child Administrator) Shola (volunteer) Ada (volunteer) to the registration of a
newly found orphanage called Hope for all in Igbo Efon, Lekkie. This orphanage
was situated in an affluent area with 10 or more “mega churches” flanked on the
major road, mega houses and estates too, yet it reflected nothing of its
environment.
The building was massive, but rundown, there was no running water, the long and
short of it is, its in need of a major make over. As we walk through the dark
damp hallway to the nursery where the babies slept my heart sank!
Looking at the states of there nursery, it took me back to what my kids room
looks like. How I taught about my kids room and how I did’nt feel it was still as good as i’ll like it to be….( then I see kids that have nothing ) ….I taugth about how my kids left there toys about the place and me forever shouting “put your toys away”
There was little or no toys, the beds they slept in were ok, but the
mattress and sheets were filthy.
As we were introduced to the babies and told a bit of there story of how they
came to be in the orphanage, I came across a baby that just touched my heart. I
saw her and felt in my heart say” I could have given birth to you ” as she laid
there on her back looking ever so serious at me, then making a bodily gestures,
as if to say “pick me up” ” I want to get out of here” I picked her out
of the cot, with her still steering hard at me trying to study my face , looking
deep into me she finally gives me a little side smile..as if saying I like you ,
with your funny colour hair and dangly earrings” ( oh here I go
puuuuuuuuuulllllllllll) we fell in love or should I say I fell in love with my
Sola ( as she is called)
I carried her through out the visit and when it was time to go, I found it difficult
to leave her there. All the babies were beautiful; they all radiated from
within. I could not understand how evil had been able to get them here, but had to
encourage myself that God had a plan for each of them and was looking out for
them.
I was told that there were other orphanages that were in worst condition, at
least this one had a benefactor by the name of Father Adegbite.
I did go back to see Baby Sola again on Easter Sunday before service with my
Hubby, there we meet a lady that came to see a particular baby she found , the
day he was born.
Due to the way his mother must have stood giving birth to him (head first and
standing)he suffer injuries to his head and was brain damage when he was found.
Just like the first time, leaving Sola was heart breaking, and as we drove along
Lekkie Epe-expressway going to church passing all the other churches and people,
church goers in their best “Easter” outfits all feeling good about themselves I
felt a bit bitter with us ( yes me included) .
How is the kingdom of God going to come when we forget we should be effective
in our community and be truly salt to the earth.?
I was staying in this community over the Easter break so I knew the amount of
wealth spent in the said community. How some people saw it as nothing to spend on
another designer bag or pair of shoe that they did not really need or gold
earring and necklace set to add to their already large collection of jewellery
Or the thousands of Naira (Nigerian currency) spent on a night out or day at the
beach, I wonder just if each church donated one Sunday s offering once a month,
what a way that money would go, not just to this particular home but all the
others in the area, that would truly be obeying Christ commandment of Looking
after the orphans and widows. A true act of worship to God!
That is what I call effective Christianity!
I will hopeful have more pic’s for you to see of the visit to HOPE FOR ALL FOUNDATION babies home at the end of the week at
www.linkachild.wordpress.com
Please for any kind of donation or more information on how you could assist Linkachild
please go to their website www.linkachild.org
PS: No, I am not adopting Sola. (you never know ) I just see her as a catalyst, as a point to keep me going and to remind me that every little counts…I may not be able to reach all the worlds orphans, but I can reach her and all the other babies in this particular home that I and my husband are doing all we can to make there lives just a little better!
Have your tissues handy and see what Love can do…. How far Love would go to bring you HOME!
Avery and Heathers Adoption story…. in song.
Watch the post: THE VIDEO HEATHER MADE OF OUR ADOPTION STORY.
As I walk in this season of my life, I am just overwhelmed with the different extreme of emotions I am going through… form one minute feeling like giving up, of shame, despair and then excitement that it’s not all over, but a chance to “do over” a chance to make it better, sweeter and greater!!
So I thank the God of a SECOND CHANCE!!!
Devil you should have killed me when you had the chance….
When I walked out of God’s plan, out of His purpose and destiny for me, and let myself get tainted, diluted and separated from Him……to the point that when my Lord went looking; could not find me, only to see me bound and chained by my own habits that did not glorify Him….
I was ugly and in dispair I was without the glory my Lord had put on me….Yet He came and paid the costly price to release and save me. You saved me, cleansed me, and started to prepare me. With my head down you lifted me.You told me (reminded me) who I was ….
You gave me beauty for all my ashes, joy for all my pain.You clothe me with your righteousness again!
You stayed with me to teach me how to walk with you, again! You restored my purpose for you loosed me!
Devil you should have killed me when you had the chance….
‘Cos now, I am loosed! and set free!
Amen!
Authour: Refinedone
I have a story to tell…
There was a young lady who got married had 4 children, decided to stay at home full time with her children has they grew. Her responsibilities included looking after the home and her husband.
She was a graduate, very intelligent and business minded, but she loved being at home with the kids and did not see it as a scarifies, she enjoyed having the home just right for when her husband came in…
She had two other friends that where married and had kids… they made fun of her and called her “a kept woman” which she had no problem with, they found the fact that she got an allowance degrading (which she had to correct many a time, that she did not get an allowance) but had no restrictions to the family finances, as she was responsible for the accounts and making sure the bills where paid.
When ever she was at a function or gathering of her husband clients or work colleagues, in the mist of career women, single and married ones, they always seem to, at first think there was something wrong with her cos, she introduced herself as a homemaker, which always followed a pause… As if they felt they should speak to are like a child (cos maybe they taught she only understood baby talk) who knows! They would feel there was nothing she could contribute to the discussions.
But as conversation continued they would find out how intelligent and current she was… that would bring the next question…Why are you staying at home? you could get a nanny to do that job. You could be doing better things with yourself, using your degree and earning… Instead of wasting away at home, and being dependant on your husband for everything.
She asked, tell me what is greater than the privilege to have a hand in bring up the next generation, not just preparing food and feed them, but feeding there minds, body and soul…getting to know your own child. Experiencing there first experience… Do you think I sit around all day watching “Oprah”?
I enjoy nothing more thanwatching my husband come home to a hot meal ready and waiting, he is reassured that his children are in the best possible hands.. He comes home to a neat and tidy house… He is not stressed about his home front cos he knows I have it undercover, so his mind is free to deal with the world outside his home; he is energized to go out again… After the world tries to beat him down, he knows his home is secure, safe and looks forward to coming back!
I am more than content she says… the first 5 yrs are important in a child’s development… They are the formative years and that is a part of life to experience too.
There would be stages they will not need me that much, but they would still be secure, reassured and confident to know I will always be there…
I ask what is wrong in being a stay at home mom, a full time mother or let just call it what it is….A HOUSEWIFE?
i leave you all to chew on that as i go chillout for the next couple of weeks!
…Just got this and had to share.
Minister Joe Wright’s Prayer of the Opening of session of Kansas Senate.
“Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your
forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance.
We know Your Word says, ‘Woe to those who call evil
good,’ but that is exactly what we have done. We have
lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our
values.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and
called it building self esteem.
We have abused power and called it politics.
We have coveted our neighbour’s possessions and called
it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and
pornography and called it freedom of ___expression.
We have ridiculed the time-honoured values of our
forefathers and called it enlightenment.
Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse
us from every sin and set us free.
Amen!
The response was immediate. A number of legislators
walked out during the prayer in protest. In 6 short
weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is
pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only
47 of those calls responding negatively. The church is
now receiving international requests for copies of
this prayer from India, Africa and
Korea.
This is the time to draw a line in the sand and choose,whose side are you on?
Hot or Cold no lukewarmness no sitting on the fence, make you stand… choose!enjoy the benefit or suffer the consequences…it’s your choice!
Slavery with all its horrors was still a plan of God! (Believe it or not)
This was what my pastor preached about on Sunday the 25th of Mrach(200yrs of the abolition of slavery in the British colonies). At first that did not go so well with me, just as I was getting over that he dropped another “truth” …( he did warn that most of us would not take to his next statement likely) Trust me, it did not with me, but you could not deny the truth.
He reminded us about Joseph and how his brothers first planned to kill him because of his dreams/destiny and favour he had with there father…but later decide to sell him into slavery … They did not know, nor care what would become of him. As the story goes Joseph favour followed him every where …In the donjons he had favour with his gift as a dream interpreter, from there to be made a citizen and a Governor and only subordinate to Pharaoh ( King of Egypt) all this in the land he was sold to as a slave.
Then we are told there was famine in the all the land …but there was food in
Egypt, because Joseph had been able to read the dream of the King that foretold the famine… anyway cos of all this Josephs family where able to come and get food and even relocated….Read the detailed story in the book of Genesis 39-47.
All this is said to let you know the plans of God in your life can be killed/aborted or destroyed…what God says, will be fulfilled, a seed that never dies will never ripe a harvest.
Why I decided to write this post was because in the post before this I said something about an apology….which I would like to take back.
That is not necessary for the plans of God for slavery will be fulfilled. The pathway of our Destiny… {Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes horror has to happen and we may never understand its purpose but, that God, He knows!}
When Jesus was born …King Herald killed child aged 2yrs and under just to prevent destiny… was God aware? Yes …Why did He allow that? I don’t know (I guess that is why He is God!)
Brothers sold Brothers … That was what my Pastor said that did not go well with me, Slaves from
Africa were sold by there own brothers( Africans)… No matter how hard that maybe for us to accept it is the truth!
This has caused division between Africans and West Indians to date…some feel resentful towards Africans for what was done to there ancestors.
We should not let division in our lives, for the perfect will of God is still to be unfolded…Our dreams will still be fulfilled.
Brothers on different continents, of different shades, we are all still brothers, as I said before FORGIVNESS is the only way forwarded.
…This blog was not meant to be a personal journal like most out there, it was to be a means of service, and a stepping out into a place I have not been before…why am I saying all this, well cos I am about to share like a journal which this blogsite is not, but I have such an overwhelming feeling to share with all what is happening to me at this very moment …I feel the presence of the Lord to do this.
Coming out of a season and place that I would never have thought I would walk…and the mercy and grace of God have been Oh! So! Amazing…
Just when I think I have seen all of God in my life He shows me another dimension to Him…
At the moment what I am listening to is- Youthful Praise with James Hairston …and it is just speaking my heart every single song is just ministering to me, healing my heart and just putting in that place to hangout with God again.… (Worship for me is the way I fellowship and connect with my father and the lover of my soul)
I did not intend writing about this… but I just feel like shouting of God’s awesomeness in my life… No matter how I fall or fall short He still loves me…He will truly turn what the enemy plans to use to destroy/embarrass/cause pain that can sometimes be irreversible, all for good and the glory of Him!!… An incredible God deserves AN INCREDIBLE PRAISE!!!
The battle is in the mind for real…the distorting of truth that would cause the wrong decision to be made which would determine destiny… whoa!!!
I am all about DESTINY!!! and to allow destiny to nearly be destroyed by wrong decision based on the mind… God, I thank you!!! You’re Incredible and I bless you.
{praise break}
I love you lord with all my heart ….I thank you for mercy and grace …again I say you’re an INCREDIBLE GOD!!!
During healing you’re very fragile… and start thinking your personality is to blame … No! I am unique and God has made me so… you say to yourself… so if other takes advantage/ dishonour or take you for granted cos of that, is for them to deal with …
I am a very open soul… I easily take people in to my heart, so when that is bruised, it makes me question my personality…which in turn makes me lot more guarded than I would normally not be…
So why am I saying all this.. to be honest I don’t know, just was so excited that when I feel low, sometimes so disappointed in myself ..That there is a God that loves me sooooo much and who’s forever forgiving, faithful and loving… so all I can do is to give Him PRAISE!!
And say Shabach to the rock!!! (Praise to the Lord !!!)
Introducing a writer with a heart, her unique style always real and flowing deep….
“Just alittle something I was feeling from an adotopted child’s point-of-view (if I were adotopted. What would I write about? ….What would I say?…)
www.asheselah.wordpress.com ….Authour.
BELONG.
I have her eyes
But I wake each morning
to see your smile
Light up my bedroom before dawn.You pinch his nose
but I smell like your smell
After a tight bear hug
when you come home from work
always providing the best for me. I’ve got her mother’s ears
but I hear the joy in your voice
The deep sighs of relief
When you introduce me
As your very own.My hands are big like his daddy’s
And his daddy before that I bet
Yet, it is your loving strength
That protects me
From all that’s wrong in the world
And getter worse.So, while I may have come from another
It’s fun for me each day to discover
That I belong to you
And you belong to me
And we belong with each other.
Copyright (c) 2007. Ashe.Selah. All rights reserved.
GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
Whenever your children are out of control,
You can take comfort from the thought that
Even God’s omnipotence did not extend
To His own children.
After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was
“DON’T !”
“Don’t what ?”
Adam replied.
“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.”
God said.
“Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit !”
” No Way ! “
”Yes way! “
”Do NOT eat the fruit! “
Said God.
“Why? “
“Because I am your Father and I said so ! “
God replied,
Wondering why He hadn’t stopped
Creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
And He was ticked!
“Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit ? “
God asked.
“Uh huh,”
Adam replied.
“Then why did you ? “
Said the Father.
“I don’t know,”
Said Eve.
“She started it! “
Adam said.
“Did not! “
“Did too ! “
“DID NOT! “
Having had it with the two of them,
God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve
Should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it,
Don’t be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children,
What makes you think it would be
A piece of cake for you ?
Things to think about!
1. You spend the first two years of their life
Teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
The next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God’s reward
For not killing your own children.
3 . Mothers of teens now know why
Some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word
What you shouldn’t have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties
Is to remind yourself that there are children
More awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes,
But they are still getting in.
Got this in my mail box today…. It sure put a smile on my face
PS: Mother’s Day …18th of March (UK)
I came across this site some time back and was totally blown away by the writing…when I went on to read the other articles to my amazement the author was talking of her process of adopting a child from Nigeria… and yes the couples are Nigerian too!
This is just an introduction of the subject of her and hubby’s adoption of there baby boy “baaboos” ( I just love his little nickname)
“I am going to Naija in two weeks time, or sha by the end of the month. I should be in Naija until next year. It is going to be hard for Boo and I because he is going to be here most of the time. He will go back and forth. Well, it will be hard for me sha. I don’t know about him. But, I will miss my man, especially because I don’t really know when I will be back exactly. Okay, this is why. I have been hinting you guys about our adoption move. I was not really ready to talk in great detail about it. Even now, I am not really ready. When we went home, we visited a number of orphanages and motherless babies homes with a view to identifying a baby boy for adoption. Yes o, boy. Boo has always wanted a son and I just want a healthy baby. I wanted a daughter first but, where I am at right now, healthy baby will do just fine. There were so many administrative hiccups and a disturbing lack of frankness in certain places we visited. In the end, we identified a baby boy that we liked in a place that we were comfortable with. He is a cute little thing, with long limbs like my Boo. They told us the story of how he came to be there: life is hard. He was crying when we first met him. I wish I could tell you that I carried him and he stopped crying immediately. For where? The small man continued crying, o. It was actually quite embarrassing that he did not take to me, immediately. My Tanzanian friend, Charity and her Dutch husband, Jaab adopted two babies from
Tanzania after trying for years to have kids naturally. When Cha-Cha (as I call her) tells you the story of the adoption of their first child, you will just be crying. She talked about how when she and Jaab went to the orphanage, the baby was crying and as soon as she carried him, he stopped. She says that is how she was sure that that was their baby. Well, this baby did not give me any such assurance. He continued yelling his head off when I carried him. But, Boo and I took a liking to him all the same. I can still hear the sound of his cry now. I think there is a determined strength in that cry. My boisterous little one who will not keep quiet until he gets what he wants. Just in case you are getting any ideas, on that day, what he wanted was food. Eventually, he allowed Boo to give him a bottle”……
Please go to http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/soul-sista-diary and read more.
I recommend Mummy and Baboos Mixed Blessings, You and Me and Who Said Family is Easy?
I wish you all the best Soul-Sista, Boo and Baboos!
…Back to the topic of the season
I still ask …Is adoption a western idea?
In this series we all are going to be learning together, getting information and hopefully making the awareness of Orphans, Orphanages, Adoption, Fostering and even Sponsorship ( I’ll elaborate on that much later) in Nigeria. The different types of adoption processes will be discussed as well as the challenges…
I ask, cos I don’t want to be accused of making assumptions..But why is adoption not widely an option to couples that are not able to have children of there own?
Why are Orphanages not given the support needed? Be it financial or just celebrated and encouraged.
Why In a country where there is always a wedding, or some form of celebration going on every weekend…people love to talk about there expensive designer bags, shoes and all…In a country that people go on 2 to 3 holidays a year and not blink at the expense… looking in the magazines when I was in Lagos …with the cream de le cream styling and profiling and just loving themselves… and I asked; If only people that have contributed/donated (not) even there time but maybe the cost of there “aso ebi” or there trip to Dubai/UK or where else they go.
…Ok I am going ahead of myself here… will come back to why I think those that have are way to self centred and self obsessed …{ These are all my opinion and not of Linkachild.org }
Very shortly I will be talking to the people in the know, about this issue.. Till then I’ll leave you all with a taste of things to come….
“Linkachild as an organisation primarily focuses on linking donors with those in need, which in this case are orphanages, invariably we get requests regarding adoption issues, however we are not an adoption agency, we only advise and assist. Presently we have 36 states in
Nigeria and can u imagine that each state has its own different adoption policy, coupled with the fact that the federal government has placed an embargo on inter state adoption. this will give you an idea of how muddled the system is down here, this restrictions came about due to many cases of abuse and in some instances rape, forced marriage, abduction and trafficking of adopted children”
Coming soon a more in depth Interview with BELLO OLUSINA CHRISTOPHER (Linkachild Administrator)
….As Easter (resurrection Sunday) rolls by real soon, I could not help but think about a topic that is dear to my heart; Adoption.
The process of adoption is when an individual - whether relative or not – assumes parental responsibility for the child of another.
For those that are born of the spirit and “adopted” into the kingdom of God as sons and daughters…we have all and full legal inheritance rights to the kingdom of God, with this we enjoy the privilege of protection and love of the family of God.
Esther was adopted by her uncle Mordecai at the death of her parents; Joseph adopted Jesus as his own in the eyes of man and God which gave Jesus legal claim to the Davidic throne (line of King David)
Adoption is divinely authorised, God-blessed and legally binding means for adding to the family and passing on the family inheritance…
“O redeems those who were under the law, so that we may be adopted as sons with full rights” (Gal 4:5)
“He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will” (Eph 1:5)
….Since we know this entire, why is the church not in front leading the idea and issue of adoption.
The prayer lines of those seeking the “the fruit of the womb” grows daily. Women doing all sorts all in the hope of bearing a child.
Please do not get me wrong or feel am being unsympathetic, I have 3 children of mine and could not imagine not being able to have kids of my own, but when I think of all the beautiful babies in orphanages and motherless babies homes my heart aches. and is sadden, these are options that are not even looked into at all, so I ask is adoption a western idea?
My husband and I are agreed on adopting at least 2 more children to our family and fostering as many as we can…
As you ponder I’ll leave you all with this story based on real events….
Boy crying under a bridge, two women passing by, filled with compassion they stop to ask the boy of about 14yrs what the matter was?
The boy explains that he was brought from the village to work as a house help (servant) and had to runaway because he was being maltreated. Not having anyway to go back home, for he had no home to go back to, no family that wanted him or cared.
The sister asked if he would go with them, one of the sisters, the older one asked him to come and stay with her whom he agreed.
As time went on the boy again was being mistreated by the older sister, he complained to the younger sister who too could see the treatment he was receiving and was not happy about it. The younger of the sisters took the boy into her own home after convincing her husband to agree ( he was concerned that they knew nothing about this boy) the younger of the sisters and her family lived in a humble 3 bedroom flat with 4 children at the time, both couple were bankers.
In the evenings the boy went to night school, and progress to study accounting, through all this time he was still serving the family…he had become part of the family, not a houseboy, to the point that when 3 other children were born in the family he practically raised them, the kids were so close to him that most nights the 2 younger ones were found sleeping in his bed … (they never knew him as nothing else but there big brother).
That was how things continued, they boy grew to a responsible young man and the sister helped him get his first job as an office junior in the bank she worked in. As time went and he graduated, the Youngman got a job with a bank and gradually progress and promoted into management and was doing well for him self….
When it was time to marry the younger sister and husband stood as Mother and father for him in marrying his wife, by default he had became the first child of the family …he help build the couple, who have now became family, there first house, he looked and is still looking after them, all his children refer to his adopted parents as Grandma and Grandpa.
As the children grew they started asking questions (as children do) …”If you are my daddy’s mother and father why do we have different surnames”? This was the same question the younger sisters’ children asked to…why did you and daddy never legally adopted “Big brother”?
One of the children believed that the Nigerian mentality would not have allowed it… the extended family (who did not even know it was the Youngman that built the house they live in now) were showing concern that this Youngman is not your blood child, how will you let him inherit your property…or why would you bring him to family meeting as you first son?
So I ask can we truly adopt in Nigeria?
Can you only love your blood child/ children?
What will happen to all the children in orphanages around the country?
Why are couples that can’t have children not adopting as an option?
Is adoption a western idea?More on Adoption, Fostering and more information on orphanages nearest to you, please contact www.linkachild.org
Pain can be good…Tears come after Joy…
Have you ever lost something that you thought you had already lost only to find out that you where just about to loose it for real…? (If that make sense to you, then you have been there).
We make decision to help, protect oursleves, or stop other people hurting us…
We rationalise wrong decisions, cos we are in a pain or afraid.
This month we are talking all about LOVE
I am just going to write without qualifying what I am saying, I just feel the need to do this; so if someone gets something from it… so be it.
The girl loves to be loved…, loves hard work and determination: big attraction.
The girl was young when her heart was given away for ever, but let’s tracks back…
Before then, the girl was looking for love in all the wrong places, she had nothing else but that to Have you ever lost something that you thought you had already lost only to find out that you where give (she did not know that at the time) you see how the best things about you can be blinded by you …. Just before girlfriend’s heart became cold and shut …love walked in … lovewalked in so different from what GF was use to…lovelooked different, spoke different , did not real fit GF ideal…but she gave it a go…love said “ what do you have against a men taking you out for dinner and bring you back home in good time” love said I know about the others that took your love and could not appreciate it for the gold it was, I promise to wipe those tears away’ not to be remembered again…promise to look after you with all my love ….( at this point GF was not really ready to open up again, but was curious to see what would happen .
Loved was constant, love was solid, and was always there….GF felt protected, valued, possessed, content and poured out!… did not feel vulnerable or afraid to LOVE!
As GF fellowships with love, and found out that GF could be loved for real… love brought yellow roes, art materials, and counted the copper coins to cover and provide for GF, she loved love even when other could not see what love could offer. But GF did!
In the mist of all the love, there where clouds of darkness (sometimes) but too often (chipping away) the glow of Love…At that time GF felt (rightly or wrongly) that lovedid not love GF anymore in their special way! Too many criticisms, too many let-downs, explained way …always explained…always explained…was it necessary? (Will find out)
…..then what happened, love started chipping away from GF …Little by little, little things… Little things…
Harsh words, a hard thoughts, lots of little excess, no control. love started to shake…I think Love forgot “I’ll wipe the tears from your eyes” and stated to bring tears to GF the pain….the pain…
OK! So the wounds would heal, the heart forgiven… was love taking GF for granted or just had other things on the mind….did life come in and steal the atmosphere of their love? Did they both take their love for granted and not guard it with all their heart?
….anyway, time passed, blue clouds and dark clouds came and went…the rains came and sunshine shone as hearts are broken and mended, broken and mended…healed hearts with scar tissues building around…the heart.
(Let’s not forget the God factor!!) That was only what was holding things up, together and somewhat moving… hope was driving the bus (maybe trust, patience, courage and faith should have been passengers too)
For as time passed GF decided…why must my heart keep on breaking? …yes there were fun times…plenty …so much fun, so much births have come and gone. Blessings that could not be returned and responsible for…
As we where saying GF made a decision that what would make or break the love (she never knew)
A heart that has felt betrayed (I say felt…cos that is the deception here), been bruised but had a high sense of duty would look for a balance, for sanity, for numbing the pain past or expected… (Does all that make sense?) well so it was…..
….so here comes he that is good at magnifying your supposed pain and bruises to the level of destruction of one’s self…you know him…the enemy of LOVE…the usurper of life …the life source of darkness …in his disguise as a solution.
…watch here as he set the stage for his devastation…in come the players onto stage.
Love….
GF….
“The solution”
Their love…
The birthing of their love…
All to be destroyed.
GF says…love it lost, fast spent and not ever going to see just me again…but we have a duty to do
Love is brilliant on duty…you cannot fault Love on that…nothing special anymore but duty.
Love on the other hand says …yes! I have not been fair, I have seen the light…I have a plan to go back to my promises…to lift GF again… (but the evil one has plans)
The solution… did not even know was a pawn in the distractions of the Love for love and GF and even ”Solution” (how sad).
…..Solution come just as GF decision is made…soon GF feels this balm for the pain past and the pain to come…
The evil one( EVO) dressed “solution” in the old clothes of love…( you guessed it GF is deceived and so is solution) as always EVO tells you he is giving you what has been taken from you when you had it all the time…for when you take it then you lose everything!
In comes riding on His white horse wielding his sword, exposing and causing what seem like distruction…in the commotion ….in the mess….in the confusion….in the pain…in tears … in the breaking ..There is a pouring out of Truth! The lies are exposed! Love and GF are saved… even “solution” is saved form a future that would have been smeared …
….so do I have a conclusion? No…you make yours.
But I have this to say ….before any major decisions, make sure HOPE, FAITH, TRUTH, PATIENCE, Unity OF MIND, and COURAGE AND LONG-SUFFERING ARE driving and riding on the bus….
PS: 11 days to go o!
What is love to you?
As Valentine day comes closer….with gift of affection hopefully given (if not buy or make a show of affection for yourself).
I love, love….I love to be in love … and to be loved…
Love for me is an act of worship…
With different relationships, the different types and kinds of love can be expressed.
As for moi…
Love is like a diamond, with every new angle a new aspect of it’s beauty is revealed…. Just Like God… Mercyful, kindness, forgiven, faithful, loving, trusting and the list goes on… ( fill free to fill the gap)
so I ask … what is love to you?
PS: guess who celebrates her birthday in the month of February.. in 15days time
PPS: Funmi aka Fumosh’s b’day is 2morrow (1st) so show her some love and go to her blog and wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! fumosh.wordpress.com
Ok! guys where do I start? …. I guess from the beginning (some smarty-pants would respond)
Didn’t intend to write this, so I guess thats the best kind of post to put up. Hubby had to travel on a business trip so I was sort of awake as he was getting ready, once he left I thought I would get back to sleep…but some how I couldn’t. I tossed and turned for a bit…with things I shouldn’t be thinking about racing through my mind..( worries that I should have left on the altar for God to deal with) thoughts of where I had fallen short or missed the mark…..So I decided to get up and make myself a hot drink, then maybe I’ll feel sleepy again…but low and behold what do I see as I looked out my window, but snow! the first fall this winter…the whole landscape covered in a bed of delicate clean white fluff…how beautiful it all looked, even the garbage cans too looked beautiful in the blanket of white snow, I could see the footprints of an animal (most probably a fox, cos no dog owner would let the pet out this early) as I stood looking out the window watching fresh snow fall (O! what a sight to see) I could just hear God say… “Angela that is how I see you…regardless of your short comings, your flaws or mistakes …. I choose to cover you in a sea of white…and make you all anew”. At that point my heart became filled with gratitude… I felt so thankful…for my life, love, my family, my health, my brothers, sister, friends old and new and most of all the mercy of God’s grace…. for He has chosen to cover me and has made me as white as snow….
Love is demonstrative, it’s active, because we have been and are loved by God.
It did not say you love because you feel like only. or love only those that deserve your love, but love without expecting anything in return. By the way Love has been described as a human experience that is manifested in feelings be it in behaviour, emotion or attitude to others in relationship or of one’s self.
The bible says Love is an attitude and action that is not determined by feelings or positive response from others deserving or undeserving. We can’t talk about Love and not quote 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.
Love is more than a feeling!
That can only be possible if you operate in God’s kind of love(Agape). The other kinds of love are a lot more based on Feelings, a more self centred love-sexual desire and physical craving, Erotic love (Eros). Affections in a loving concern to a friend, brotherly- love (Phileos)
When we realize that the best, safest kind of love is the God kind, not one base on feeling, cos feelings are changeable, unstable and can’t be truly trusted. They have the ability of distorting the truth.
Feelings are good indictors of Love, but still that can be tested…..
lets look at marriage which is made up of two people committed to one another in Love not feelings…..Marriage is not sustained by just the feelings you get in the earlier days of courtship, when your man/woman walks in to a room or you think about them….. :) Remember when you were dating, and your partner could not upset, cos you felt so happy! looking in to there eyes and dreaming of a future with them forever…when he picks from your food at dinner you thought it was oh! so cute …but couple of year into marriage that same thing you found cute now irritated you so!…
Well feelings will not keep you married for long, cos you are guaranteed to have bumps along the way … In fact you will feel hate for your partner at some time in the journey of your marriage.
So what holds a marriage and keeps it strong during the times of shaking? …. but a vow, a commitment, a decision.
Love is not optional….Feelings are…Love is foundation, a corner stone nothing can be built without it….Feeling are ever changing.
So what do you pick??
What does it mean to be single? (To be separate, unique and whole)
The Bible says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wow! God took his time to create me. There can be only one “me” I am one of a kind.
Even Identical twins, who my look alike still have things that they will differ on, No two fingerprints are the same. No two experiences are the same, that’s what makes me who I am.
When I stand before God, He sees me, a separate individual whether I am married or not.
Many single people are in a hurry to be married and see there singleness as a negative state, especial after a particular age (dare I say). They feel they would be complete once they are married (as if marriage validates you as a person)
When you enter marriage as your salvation to wholeness and believe your spouse will Complete you or make you secure in yourself…you put pressure on the spouse and you being the end of the marriage.
If you are not comfortable with your individuality, I am sorry to say you are not ready to be married.
When last did you date yourself?
That sound funny but just think about it?
Do you need people to validate you all the time? Do you need other people to motivate you to enjoy yourself?
Can you sit in a restaurant or coffee bar by yourself and still feel comfortable?
When last did you look in the mirror and just say to the reflection Man! Or Lady! You are “too fine”, “you are all that a bag of chips”. What I’m trying to say is pay yourself complements. (Once you know you are fine, any other complement is purely an addition to what you know about yourself) The power of your self esteem should be in your hands.
If you disrespect or have a poor image of yourself, you will only course people to treat you that way…So love yourself even with all its flaws. Remember you are unique and anyhow, don’t you know confidence is sexy!
What does alone mean? (Isolated or secluded)
A single person that is content and whole dose not needs to be alone, cos that is how you can get isolated. Instead make friends and enjoy there company, but find the balance and not get dependent on having people around you all the time, that is how you could end up in an unhealthy relationship that allow other people take advantage of you, because they know you depend on there presence.
Let God be the lover of you soul, your companion and friend in the times loneliness…Enjoy your singleness, develop your self find out what makes you tick, what you like and not like and let you Life partner meet you along the way of discovering “you” in the relationship with your heavenly Father.
Partners, be it male or female are to do nothing but complement you and not complete you….remember you are WHOLE!
They are to be nothing more than help that is suitable and fit (help-meet)
Allow God present your partner to you.
Be friends first. That is the foundation to a good marriage, someone you can laugh freely with, someone you can be yourself and not feel you have to watch yourself or feel like your walking on egg shells around.
God has given us free will to chose, so when you are presented by the one, you still have the choice to choose…God will not make you do anything.
Even Adam had a choice to reject Eve when God presented her. I don’t see anywhere (please correct me if I am wrong) in the Bible where God told Adam meet your wife! (He identified her)
I personally use to believe the “only one person for me” syndrome, when you see him my heart will stop skip a beat and all that romance novels stuff…One Mr/Miss Right, but NO! There are many “right” people who will be presented to you….How you choose to develop and establish the relationship is all yours!
Please don’t get over spiritual about it (many marriages have been broken that either partners or one said” God told me you’re my wife/husband”) apply common sense with spiritual maturity before you say “I DO”
Begin please by enjoying your singleness and individuality, let that complement your relationship with others around you, be it friend or family
My Daughter said something to me this morning…She asked “mom if it is a New Year why does it not feel any different”
The calendar says it is …at least the Gregorian calendar which is widely used….
Now why am I going on about calendars, my daughter like a whole lot us think that at Midnight of Dec 31st a New Year beginnings…well it does according to the Calendar, which I don’t have a problem with, but it’s the feeling of something New is about or should happen is what I’ll like us to reflect on. If it is a New Year why does it not feel any different….
The Difference should not necessary be the the fact that it is a New Year…but the continuation of a season. Those that are close to me know, my season started in Step Of 2006 and is continuing in 2007. What was conceived and birth in 2006 is being nurtured and cultivated in 2007 and in this same year there will be more birthings too…
We should try not to get caught up in the NEW YEAR syndrome which puts pressure on ourselves. We all go about making New Year resolutions which, without a doubt would be broken before the month is over that is if it has not been broken by the 2nd! already. Let it be a continuation of a season instead.
What is this season thing you say?
Well I can only speak for myself and say my season began with a realisation of who’s I am and what I am here for…A realisation that I am no accident or evolution but a creation with purpose.
What is your season?
Is it the season to find out what your true source is?
Is it the season to relinquish self doubt?
Is it the season to reclaim the truth about you?
Is it the season to celebrate YOU!
If I was ever going to make a New Years resolution it would be to find out all the manufacture of me, has to say about me, in His Manufactures Manuel…
What was the reason for my creation?
What are His thoughts about me?
What are the functions He has put in me
What is my particular use…? (Where and to whom was my creation for?)
For when I am whole and complete I can be effective and affective.
SO WHAT IS YOUR SEASON?
“The man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder…a waif, a nothing, a no man.” Thomas Carlyle.
Hello every one, this is going to be my last post on this blog for the year 2006, as the year runs to a close, I have got reflective and thought I share this with you all.
I am so thankful for the year 2006; it was my year of UNSPEAKABLE JOY.
One would think with a year like that it was smooth sailing. I would say it was my most challenging year so far. What gave me great joy was that when the challenges came I dealt with them with wisdom and a peace that I never knew I had which encouraged me to do better.
This year I found out that my peace and my strength was in Christ Jesus and no one else. I found out that there is so much in me and more to come out!
I found out how to love me, and I am determined to take, into the rest of my life the Joy of the Lord!!! For that is the source of my strength.
Get ready! Get ready!! Get ready!!!
This is how I feel for 2007. This is (yes “is” I am not waiting for 1st of Jan to start my year, for I am stepping into the fullness of it right now) my year of Taking the limits off and expanding my boundaries.
I am expectant of what the year holds for me and how it would affect my family and those around me.
So with the Joy of the Lord and an expectant heart…Get ready 2007! watch this space
This is the year to dream dreams (big dreams)
This is the year to step out of your comfort zone
This is the year to believe in the impossible
This is the year to stop planning and DO!
This is the year to TAKE the Limits OFF!!
And have a “walk on the water” moment.
This I pray for all who are NOT ready, but have enough faith to BELIEVE!!!
Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Fabulous New Year!
As I was thinking of what to write on my post, feeling a little bit overwhelmed with my life at the moment….good kind of overwhelmed. I have been stepping out and doing things that I would not have normally thought were my strength… Look at this, I have my own blog up, not just that, I am writing on other blogs too www.deoluakinyemi.com/emotional-recharge.
Wow! did I say writing? Coming from a girl that was afraid of anything that had to do with reading or writing. I am finding out how much I enjoy telling stories and putting my daydreams to paper. I am finding out there is more to me… Enjoy this poem of mine, it’s one that does remind me that there is more to me and there can be more to you.
I know it’s addressed to my sister’s but I know my brother’s too will be able to appreciate it and hopefully appreciate the females in there lives…
I AM MORE!!!
I’m more than your daughter, your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend your lover, your confidant
I am of royal lineage and a priestly one too.
The evil one comes cunning and whispers words that lead to strife, worry, low self esteem NO!
You chose me from the creation of time;
I’m whole, of purpose and of excellence
I’m more than your…
I was made, created, fashioned, cultivated, planned (not an after thought) and supervised by God to be ezer (helper) to the kingdom.
I am valuable to God,
I am somebody not to be used and abused….
Capable, intelligent, virtuous I am;
Who can find me?
Only in Christ for God’s glory.
I’m more than your…
The evil one whispers….
You’re too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too shy, too out spoken,
have an accent, not qualified, too qualified, too old, too young…have nothing to offer
(A LIE) for I’m adorned with glory, power, majesty my true beauty…the essence of me.
In me is trust, peace, love and life.
I’m more than your…
Greater is he that is in me…
I have so much inside, to be birthed, walked out, exercised and then refilled;
My assignment? God’s plan, to use this ‘building” for His Kingdom.
Setting my affection, looking to the Kingdom first my Lord provides all, all that I would ever need.
I’m more than your…
For when you see me you see Him in all His glory;
when I speak you hear His words cutting and dividing the word of truth, as it should.
For…
I AM MORE! I AM MORE!!!
I AM OF ROYAL BLOOD
I AM OF A ROYAL FAMILY
I AM OF A ROYAL KINGDOM AND A PRIESTLY ONE TOO.
Check out www.refinedonelyrics.wordpress.com
What are you here for?
Who determines who you really are?
What is your mission?
To understand that, you’ll have to go back to God…
Ephesians 1 vs 7-10 says
“Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, His blood poured out on the alter of the cross, we’re free people…..Free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all out misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans He took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, and everything on the planet earth.
It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.”
What have you got in your hands?
What ever life hands you, turn into an art form (into a weapon)
What ever has challenged you, tried to shame you turn it round and use it as a weapon to let others (be of purpose)
Be a man/woman on a mission; bring everything into submission to the mission. The only thing that can stop your mission and set in to remission are things on the inside, that are in the dark, eating you up like a cancer (bad habits) they hinder the mission.
We all struggle with different habits that don’t help the mission, bring it to the light and calling it what it is, is the first step , dealing with it through the help of the perfect gentleman in the Trinity ( Holy Spirit)
PS: He is the perfect gentleman because he will never possess you; he will never force Himself on you. When you invite Him then only with He lead.
Gain admission by going back to the Father, the price had been paid for the admission, and step into your purpose and fulfill destiny.
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