Being the woman…

So many ways I have seen you,
So many ways I have hoped to understand you,
So many ways I have longed to end your worries.
You’re holding on to many things…
So much pain, So much hurt, so little joy.
‘ your bleeding heart can mend’
But you have to let go of all that weighs you down
and be lifted up.
Being fragile in a world of no real love pre-empts decisions
That gives rise to mistakes.
So let it go and be lifted up!

Ilu-Ilu.

When is enough, enough…. (She’s back!)

When is enough, enough…? {She’s back!}

Hi people, its been too long, but hey I’m back ( don’t know how long for) with a bang, I hope  growing, changing maturing in life’s challenges moving from black and white to understanding shades of gray or at least acknowledging there are shades.

I will be doing a series of issues that I have a passion for but have talking about on this blog, but feel its time to now. As always the purpose is to bring to the light what is in the dark, for that is the only way deliverance can first start. When you know that what ever issue you have is not new and many others have or are going through the same thing reduces the intensity of the challenge.

In this series we’ll all reason together for I don’t claim to have the answers but when we talk, share together in truth and a clear honest and open mind keeping it real all the way, we learn.

Reality 1:

After  nearly 20yrs of marriage Linda walked out, this is a lady we all look at her marriage and family and marveled , her beautiful children her husband who always had nothing but praise for his wife, so understandably we were shock and sad about it.

some said she should not have given up and that divorce was the easy option, some sad there is nothing that God could not do so why break the home, some said she was selfish and that it would miss up the kids, some said what ever it was could she not bear it and wait till the children where older?… and many more was said to her and around her ,and for sometime Linda was not seen from all for a while, but come this faithful summer afternoon in walked Linda on her “ladies that lunch” meeting visibly upset with a teary eyes yet clam. As she walked in and stood before the ladies she said “when is enough, enough! I was faithful and devoted for all the years I was married, supported my husband in his dreams, counted pennies with him, did not put pressure on him was not demanding. I was not perfect but was willing to grow together in love. I stayed at home and raised our children and manage the home, all by choice, to give the very best of me, that was my contribution to the stability of our home. I cooked and cleaned for him, out of love not duty but as an expression of my love for him. What you all did not know was how I had to survive for years with a man that phonghapy was his other love, do you know how that could affect ones self esteem as a wife and have no one to talk to about it, cos of the shame and embarrassment attached to it and even a sense of protecting him and the family, not wanting to talk about our problems and keep the façade of a perfect family and always hoping that things will change and get better someday

. Do you know how many fights we had cos I asked him to stop, all he would say is” it was just pictures that is means nothing” but I knew once he started looking that this the next thing would be to act on it…Do know how a woman feel when she know and have even walked in on him looking at other naked women having sex, does that not count as adultery in his mind I ask you? That not enough, his drinking under when his stressed and then physical abuse… do you know what it feels like for the man that says he loves you one minute to be hitting on you the next do you know how demoralizing that could be? …and for this to happening for years…When I think of it I should have left the first day he slapped me for no good reason. Remember my daughters first birthday when I had the black eye and I told you all I fell…. Well now you know it was no fall.

When is enough, enough? When his sleeping around with not one, two or more different women…is it till I am infected with HIV then I could be released for this contract? Is the contract not broken the minute he had slept with another that was not his wife?  To top this I got no support for my dreams like how I had stood by his. My dreams were nothing but “little hobbies” to keep me occupied not a career that required time and energy to concentrate and develop, he did not but expected a housewife for ever (which was for a season)

When is enough, enough? After he had fathered a child outside of our marriage(and that’s the one I got to find out, what about the ones I don’t know or would never know)… I had had enough my ladies; to you I should pray and ask God for help… I did and still do, but first I need to accept and identify what was wrong and break out of a mind of denial, shame and hopelessness, I am fighting now for my mind and sanity … I am sure we had many a good time, but now I can not remember I can not let depression step in to my life anymore for year I have battled with that, to the point when death stated looking attractive, No more! My life is worth more than his wife or there mother, there is more to me even if you want to call me selfish maybe its time to think about myself, just maybe…

As she carefully wiped her eyes and picked up her bag and calmly walked out of the restaurant with a stride I had never seen her in before, some would call it a swagger.

…so when is enough, enough?

Keeping it real let the conversation begin.

Hi people, its been too long, but hey I’m back ( don’t know how long for) with a bang, I hope growing, changing maturing in life’s challenges moving from black and white to understanding shades of gray or at least acknowledging there are shades.

I will be doing a series of issues that I have a passion for but have talking about on this blog, but feel its time to now. As always the purpose is to bring to the light what is in the dark, for that is the only way deliverance can first start. When you know that what ever issue you have is not new and many others have or are going through the same thing reduces the intensity of the challenge.

In this series we’ll all reason together for I don’t claim to have the answers but when we talk, share together in truth and a clear honest and open mind keeping it real all the way, we learn.

Reality 1:

After  nearly 20yrs of marriage Linda walked out, this is a lady we all looked at her marriage and family and marveled. Her beautiful children her husband who always had nothing but praise for his wife, so understandably we were shocked and sad about it.

Some said she should not have given up and that divorce was the easy option, some sad there is nothing that God could not do so why break the home, some said she was selfish and that it would miss up the kids, some said what ever it was;could she not bear it and wait till the children where older?… and many more was said to her and around her. For sometime Linda was not seen by all for a while, but come this faithful summer afternoon in walked Linda on her “ladies that lunch” meeting visibly upset with a teary eyes yet clam. As she walked in and stood before the ladies and said “when is enough, enough! I was faithful and devoted for all the years I was married, supported my husband in his dreams, counted pennies with him, did not put pressure on him was not demanding. I was not perfect but was willing to grow together in love. I stayed at home and raised our children and manage the home, all by choice, to give the very best of me, that was my contribution to the stability of our home. I cooked and cleaned for him, out of love not duty but as an expression of my love for him. What you all did not know was how I had to survive for years with a man that phonghapy was his other love, do you know how that could affect ones self esteem as a wife and have no one to talk to about it, cos of the shame and embarrassment attached to it and even a sense of protecting him and the family, not wanting to talk about our problems and keep the façade of a perfect family and always hoping that things will change and get better someday.

Do you know how many fights we had cos I asked him to stop, all he would say is” it was just pictures that is means nothing” but I knew once he started looking that thisl the next thing would be to act on it…Do know how a woman feels when she knows and have even walked in on him looking at  naked women having sex, does that not count as adultery of the mind I ask you?

That not enough, his drinking when his stressed and then the physical abuse… do you know what it feels like for the man that says he loves you one minute to be hitting on you the next do you know how demoralizing that could be? …and for this to be happening for years…When I think of it I should have left the first day he slapped me for no good reason. Remember my daughters first birthday when I had the black eye and I told you all I fell…. Well now you know it was no fall.

When is enough, enough? When his sleeping around with not one, two or more different women…is it till I am infected with HIV then I could be released for this contract? Is the contract not broken the minute he had slept with another that was not his wife?  To top this I got no support for my dreams like how I had stood by his. My dreams were nothing but “little hobbies” to keep me occupied not a career that required time and energy to concentrate and develop, he did not but expected a housewife for ever (which was for a season)

When is enough, enough? After he had fathered a child outside of our marriage(and that’s the one I got to find out, what about the ones I don’t know or would never know)… I had had enough my ladies; to you I should pray and ask God for help… I did and still do, but first I need to accept and identify what was wrong and break out of a mind of denial, shame and hopelessness, I am fighting now for my mind and sanity … I am sure we had many a good time, but now I can not remember I can not let depression step in to my life anymore for years I have battled with that, to the point when death started looking attractive, No more! My life is worth more than his wife or their mother, there is more to me and you may choose to call me selfish, maybe its time to think about myself… just maybe.

As she carefully wiped her eyes, picked up her bag and calmly walked out of the restaurant with a stride I had never seen her in before, some would call it a swagger.

…so when is enough, enough?

Keeping it real, let the conversation begin.

Just Musing… ( who do you say you are?)

What you call me, that I am not!

for I know who I am, whose I am and what HE says I am… Beautifully and wonderfully made, crafted and fashioned!

My heart is pure and so are my intentions( can that be said of yours) …yes, I don’t always do the right things, but renewed I am and in Him stand, void of condemnation.

Everyone well dressed and perfectly made up with plastic smiles looking like it’s all under control,

but within hurting, doubting, insecure and in turmoil…Why ?!

‘cos some have chosen to live a lie and not be real to themselves first.

Life is for living…and as one said “Life is what happens when your making plans”

So live the life…

Know yourself…

Be true to yourself…

Love others the way you would be loved and

LIVE!

Who are you flocking with?

                     Birds of the same feather flock together…

That was one of the sayings my mum loved to quote to warn us as children about bad friendships, another is from the Bible telling us not to be unequally yoked (bridled together) this is mostly used to warn Believers about associating or marrying an unbelievers (one who did not accpect  Jesus as Lord and saviour) 

 I think it can be used among believers too,simply saying be careful who you hang with believer or unbeliever…anyway I digress

 

We grow not just physically, intellectually and mentally, but hopefully with wisdom and discernment too. I say discernment cos the older we get, the margin for error are reduced and so careless mistakes should be avoided at all cost, for the damage could be one that may never be replaced or fixed.

 

Moving from one level to another in life in what ever area, be it in family relationship, work, education or career would be determined by our association…Who you mix with, Who you are listening to and spending time with, whether you like it or believe it will effect how well or bad you grow…What you think, How you think and What you do.

 

There is a time for everything, I personally feel I’m in my time for doing …stepping out and actualizing all the learning and preparation, so my associations are very important and am very protective of what am hearing, seeing and doing. I must be with people I can learn from, stable (mentally and emotionally), mature, positive and goal driven.

I guess I would like to live the rest of my life full, fun and purposeful with as little drama as possible…not much to ask now is it?

 

Identify the birds you flock with … How inspiring are they? What is their added value in your life?  Are you the one always pouring out and never receiving?

It’s been too long

Hi  guys, yes it has been way too long , guess settling down back home has had it’s own challenge, but still good. Kids are in school and I have my projects. Its been hectic and fun all rolled into one, finding out new and “amazing” things about my people(lol). My children are loving there school, that had its own challenge, but was expected…. the Nigerian educational system is very good, but IMHO still needs to not just train children on how to pass exams but why they are learning and how to apply learning ( topic for another time )

…Anyway will be back soon, just had to stop by and say Hey!

 

Help!!!

I have a little project I need to research .  So anyone that has lived or lives in the Northern part of Nigeria please your contribution would be much appreciated.

I need to about what life is like for a woman/young lay in the northern. how it effects your choice of life style, education. social life, marriage/relationship, family life and all sorts of general gist. email Refined74@googlemail.com

Last Tango in…

Man proposes God disposes, so they say….Well it seem so in my situation. I would have loved to be writing this in the heat of Lagos, but alas! It’s not to be…

All my furniture and things are having that experience at the moment without me…something came up and we have to spend one more Christmas in the UK….

Yes I am still in the cold of the UK…dreaming of my Lagos sun.As I sit on the floor typing this( it’s all back to basic guys ) …No Christmas tree or decorations…No feeling of the season, my body is here but my spirit is not ( it is in las gidi )…thinking of all my plans for Christmas in Lagos… taking the children to the beach after feasting and visiting, I think God must have a reason…He must have something better in store in January or He is just looking out for us, one way or another ….It is well!

So one more “tango in the UK” folks   I will make the best of a situation I was not looking forward to….

On the 3^rdthis month makes One year of blogging for me….How the year has flown. It has been the best and the worst of years all mixed into one…. But I would say it has been a year of Gods faithfulness… getting to know more about the layers that make me, ME.

 A year that God has shown me I am able to carry some loads I would have never believed I could… A year of seeing how far His love for me expands. A year of growth….This has been a landmark year and I am thankful.I would like to thank all that have ever left a comment on my blog….all those that have been to my blog and not left any comments…all those that have left email comments and encouragement…all those that have emailed me to say they where encouraged by my words or post, I say a big THANK YOU…GOD BLESS YOU and I look forward to many more years (God willing)

My New Year starts in September, that is when I seek God face for a word to carry into the following year/season. 2007 was “Taking the limits of God and expanding boundaries” This He sure did…I was so excited about the expanding boundaries, that I did not take in to account what it fully implied…If I was to expand my boundaries, that would also mean stepping into a boundary already occupied, at first I was not careful and did not protect myself from the assault and attack of “expanding boundaries” but soon understood that when God gives you a word it will be fulfilled, but it will never come easy, cos it is in the process of the fire you are REFINED.

This Year/Season 2008 ( yes 2008 , for I am already in my New Year) my word from God has been “Soar like an eagle….New beginnings/ new thinking…a season of separation and feeling of going it alone (some friendships will not go it with me in this year/season). Many will not understand me…but that’s ok, they are not meant to. It’s a continuation from the year before to take the limits of God and walk in my uniqueness.

The more I read about the character and attribute of an eagle it gets clearer…This time I have learnt to guard my heart, keep myself in His covering and not be arrogant to think I know anything….for it is all Him.

Have a Merry Christmas ….the reason for the season is CHRIST and nothing else…Not the trees…Not the presents…Not the food….Not clothes…..Not the drinks.

Happy New Year….may we all walk in the fullness of our purpose and fulfil DESTINY.

Till 2008.

 Thanks http://mumsdadschildren.blogspot.com for this:   

 

The Other side of moi…

  www.refinedonelyrics.wordpress.com

 

   The Breaking…  

From eternity to destiny in-between these; the seasons
Yes! You choose me from the creation of time
Yes! I was with you, in you, were you.

You birth me into this shell for you know the end.

In this shell you kept me, to minister for you care so much; you wanted to feel what I felt, to deliver destiny and redeem a generation.

 Ah! To be born into this shell and go through the seasons, learning, being broken and birthing.
Ah! How this shell has been knocked, bruised, abused, tossed and pulled … for the shell hates you!
it loves what it sees and wants more
it loves what it feels and wants more
it loves what it touches and wants more
it loves what it tastes and wants more
it loves what it hears and wants more…
But! Yes, I was in you from the creation of time, was with you and was you.

Alas! You are still in me to birth destiny (for you know the end).
The alabaster box was broken
The lamb was slain, so ….
You break and slay me daily, in seasons to birth destiny (for you know the end).
I am knocked but I get up, to be knocked again and again

But I get up quicker with every blow until I master how to block and dock the punches….
With each knock, a breaking, until you are poured out of this shell to birth eternity to destiny…

For you alone know the end! 

Author: RefinedOne   

…will not be putting any new post for a while, stay strong all 

  

A.R.K

God has chosen us all, the decision to act is yours and mine. God has asked us to do the impossible; cos He is the God of the impossible, but we let the fear of what people would say or think of us (just in case we don’t succeed)

We all have our different path to walk in this life time and all God asks for is Obedience, not qualification, not ability and not understanding of the full picture or end plan. I am finding out God always has a reason for whatever He ask of us, sometimes we know, other times we just have to trust Him.{ The bible says God’s thoughts for us are good and not of evil to give us a hope and a future } so we should be rest assured that anything He wants for us is GOOD! Although most times during the process it does not feel so…

Changing the world is possible, it can only be done with God’s help…He has given us the manual, the bible, in it He says have Faith…Trust Him…Love one another and be Obedient to His word and instructions.

Obey Gods word and He will do the impossible in our lives and through us (a privilege to be co-workers) to reach and change the world! …so let’s go and build our ARK, for when the floods come (for it will surely come) we are able to be “a safe place” for others.

We can change the world by one Act of Random Kindness.

Watching the film Evan Almighty Oh! So blessed me, yes! it empowered me to succeed!

……So let’s start by taking our blessed selves and actually be a BLESSING.

Let’s build our ARK and Change the World. 

Keep your “religion” talk about Relationship

The Woman in me (Reply to comment)

dallenia Says:

October 23, 2007 at 12:39 am e  well girl what can i say i’m so so happy for you. that the lord found you the right one indeed.
well girl i wish could say the same for me. well the last time i thought i found the right one girl .he did me wrong. he play the act he was so so nice.and then play the hard to get. i never fell inlove by my self, but it happend to me now it been,8 month i cant forget him why i dont know.it feels like acurse.i ask god to forget but he still on my mind. everyday. it like ”a never ending storie”the thing that hurt me the most i’m scared of leting myself go and be wo.  

Dear Dallenia    

 I feel for you and wish I could tell you that the experience was all about my guy but rather he was simple the vessel that God used to touch me. The poem is about my transformation process, it is the result of the journey I had to go through with God in order to let go of my fears and issues about marriage so that I can come to the place of not seeing marriage as a prison. A place where woman are nothing but slaves or so I thought but now I can see marriage differently , I now see it as a place of safety and security where I am free to accomplish all that I can be. I have finally crucified the Jezebel (the controlling spirit) in me and I have taken the mantle of Sarah, a woman of faith whose trust is in God to make any changes in her man necessary. I am free to simple love.    

As for your guy all I can say is break the soul tie and move on. If my guy were to leave today, I would be hurt but I would move on and be eternally grateful to him. What I have learnt is so valuable and precious, at times God is interested in the process and not necessarily the end result. The feelings I have is based on God’s perspective, it is about agape love, a love that has God at the centre of it. While we were yet sinners God loved us, so my guy does not have to attain a standard or do something for me to feel what I am feeling. It is looking and feeling with the eyes of God.

Be encouraged and wait for God he will bring the right one, it is well worth the wait. In the meantime let God help you deal with your issues and make you whole. There are many women out there but a woman like me, one who know her value is one in a million. I guess the truth question is how do you value yourself as a woman?   

Blessed.

The Woman in me

                                                                      

…..Meet a woman in love

The Woman in Me

Situations has cause me to hide

Circumstances has changed me

The world has caused me to turn away from the woman in me.

I look around and see women

Incomplete women, lonely women

Women who have something missing in them

I see women acting like men

Women with the {WO} missing in them

I should know I use to be one of them

But a touch from the right man

A word from my love is all it takes

And the woman in me comes out.

Oh what a wonderful feeling it is to be a woman

To have my {WO} back again

It is okay for me not to be so strong

It is okay for me to have emotions

It is okay for me to lay down my life

And to let the man be the man

It is okay because I am loved and accepted

The woman in me feels safe and secure

What a joyous feeling it is

What a restful feeling

What a peaceful feeling it is

To be a woman again

I can safely say, perfect love cast out all fears
I can safely say, love makes all the difference

I can truly testify that the love of the right man is all it takes

Woman, heed my advice

Wait for the right man, there is no feeling like it

Wait for the right one and be the woman God has created you to be

Wait it is worth it, just to see the transformation take place in you

Wait, it is worth it, just to have the burden lifted off

Wait and see the salvation of the Lord

Let him bring the right one

Let him bring that one

Whose voice causes your heart to skip a beat

Whose touch causes your knees to weaken

Whose words brings out the best in you

Wait it is well worth the wait

The love of the right man makes

You feel like you can do anything

The love of a right man

Inspires the woman in you to experience new things

It causes you to aspire to be the best you can be

A Woman

That is all you need to be

A Woman

That is who you were made to be

So my prayer is that one day

You meet someone like my love

And for the first time

Yes I can say it

My lord

Who will bring back the {WO} in you

And cause you to dare to be a woman again.

Author: Blessed Oluwayemi.

….just so you know

 

Who do you think you are?

What makes you think you can rain on mySunny days?

Who do you think you are?

What makes you think that my dark daysWill last?

What makes you think you can break me…

What makes you think I am no more than you could be Privilege to know…

I may not qualify in your eyes

I may not look the part (now)

But still I soar

Daily I am given breath to soar even higher

My glory….a reflection of the Son

For I am like the moon able, to turn the tide Of a generation, a time and season

 That is who I know I am,Who are you?

  

Author: RefinedOne.

Woman that do it for me…finale

Cece Winans- When I listen to her music it always ministers to me, she comes across like one that is a true worshipper- one that loves the Lord with all her being giving Him the praise in every way. Apart from being an award winning artist (six times Grammy awards winner), Dove award winner, Soul train award winner and actress… she is also a teacher and mentor…Her album Throne room is my all time favourite, not just the melody but the words always bring healing and joy to my soul, I feel sometimes listening to her songs and feel like I am intruding in her personal time with God. I most admire about her is a passion for the youth, especially young girls. In Oct of 2005, Cece developed and hosted the Always Sisters conference which focuses on support for young women ages 13-26yrs, where she offered words of encouragement and self esteem was discussed. This is her passion that young women will walk in the fullness of God glory and self worth of their everyday lives. At the conference she presented the young ladies with tiaras as a token to the girl, She said…”My prayer was that they know God and know who they are”…”He is the only one that can really teach you who you are, how beautiful you are, how powerful you are, that you deserve the best and not to settle for less” This are the kind of things I like to see and hear..Older women mentoring the younger ones and empowering them on who (we) are as women/princesses and should be treated as one by ourselves and others. Cece has been married for over 21yrs with two children (boy/girl) Cece the wife and mother has managed to balance her personal and professional lives with relatives ease….this for me is a woman living a life with purpose. 

 Oprah Winfrey- Born January 29, 1954 is the American multiple-Emmy Award winning host of The Oprah Show, the highest-rated talk show in television history. She is also an influential book critic, an Academy Award -nominated actress for The Color Purple. And a magazine publisher of O, The Oprah Magazine and O at Home. She has been ranked the richest African American of the 20th century, the most philanthropic African American of all time, and the world’s only black billionaire for three straight years. She is also, according to some assessments, the most influential woman in the world {} raised in rural poverty by her grandmother, born out of wedlock by a mother who was a housekeeper and father a coal miner, at the birth of Oprah, but later became a councilman. Regardless of background and a challenged home life she was able to rise above it all at 13yrs received a scholarship to attend Nicolet High School in the Milwaukee suburb of Glendale, Wisconsin after which she won an oratory contest, which secured her full scholarship to Tennessee State University, a historically black institution, where she studied communication. This is a woman that has accomplished so much in the world of media I could go on, but what I would like to spotlight and truly admire is her Leadership Academy for Girls  in South Africa, she intends teaching a class via satellite. Oprah is not married, but instead has been in longstanding relationship of over 20yrs with partner Stedman Graham. She never had children of her own but had this to say about the girls of her Leadership Academy….”I never had children, never even thought I would have children. Now I have 152 daughters; expecting 75 more next year. That is some type of gestation period…I said to the mothers, the family members, the aunts, the grannies — because most of these girls have lost their families, their parents — I said to them, “Your daughters are now my daughters and I promise you I’m going to take care of your daughters. I promise you.”   

I found doing the research for this list quiet reflective and it sure did reinforce things about myself that I am absolutely sure are no coincidences anymore… all the women that I admire, truly sum me up …Out of the box, Passionate, Motivational, Strong, Natural nurturers, Called to run “their own” race, Unique with a large heart of service to others and effective to their immediate society and the world!

 None of these women are perfect and have made mistakes in their lives, they have had their share of challenges and adversity, but it never stopped them…

Life must have purpose!

Who inspires you? 

Who do you admire?  

 And Why? 

Woman that do it for me…#2

Bimbo Odukoya-The very first time I saw this fast talking, energetic and passionate woman on my tv screen, I had to stop and listen, after which I had to know more about her and what drives her….She was about marriages and how to have a good one which was an interest of mine. Pastor Bimbo Odukoya was (for she is late now) an Evangelist, motivational speaker, marriage counsellor and mentor to many Nigerian youths. Apart from her teaching through the Singles and Married programme, she was also a writer and author; she has columns in several national and international including ThisDay, CityPeople, and Leadship and life style based in the UK. Her columns dwell primarily on true life experiences of both the good and bad side of married and unmarried people. Before her untimely death on in a plane crash on the 10^th of Dec 2005, she was the associate senior pastor of fountain of Life Church and President of Discovery for Women; a ministry the motives and challenges woman to discover there purpose in life and maximize their God given potential. She was married to Senior Pastor Taiwo Odukoya and had three children. May her soul rest in peace….Amen.  

Adesuwa Onyenokwe- Is it possible to just like someone you have never met? Well in the case of Adesuwa Onyenokwe, it was so. The very first time I  came across her was through her TV programme called Woman Today. Her voice was so calm and I just loved her manner and presentation…very lady like and wholesome in her opinions and views. I love the way she carries herself… with such dignity, not trying to be anything she not, she stands out in the fakeness( if that’s a word ) that is called Nigerian “celebrity”(IMO)   this was confirmed by a family friend, when in conversation her name came up and I was saying how very dignified and mature she comes across. Adesuwa read drama for her first degree at the Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-Ife, and followed it up with a master’s degree in Language Arts at the University of Ibadan in Nigeria. Her show Today’s Woman has become a source of inspiration to many women. The show was created to help fill the void at the time of lack of understanding the womenfolk and also give them a voice. She is quoted as saying “”The bottom-line is to show that there are many women out there who have such God-given qualities as empathy. And you know that to make a good leader, you have to empathise. We are good managers because by nature we manage two roles: motherhood and wifehood,” Her ideal concept of today’s woman is somebody who is in total union with God and with self, to the extent that she is beneficial to humanity. This is why she features on her programme women who should serve as role models to others, especially the younger ones. Since she started presenting Today’s Woman on TV in 2000, many women of substance who have made their mark in the society have been featured {taken from an interview with Newswatch}. Born August 8, 1963, in Ibadan, Oyo State, Onyenokwe is the fifth of eleven children, she is married to Ikechukwu Onyenokwe, an engineer and management consultant with 6 children (3boys and 3girls)

2 to go …

Women that do it for me…

 As part of Black history month in the United Kingdom, I would like to present Seven Black Women I admire and would like to celebrate …. 

1- Mrs Clara Onelum, You may not all know her but I do, she is my “mummy” She is an inspiration and note worthy.She is passionate and devoted to her children and family, an example of a woman, Classy, hardworking and committed. My mother has always been my first role model. She worked in the bank for 16yrs, refused promotion so as not to be away from raising her then very young  children, So to keep herself busy and fuel  her entrepreneurial spirit, she qualified as a hair dresser/stylist from Revlon in the States, opened her own salon first in the house and then later expanded it to a shop next door with a dressmaking section to it…she had a wholesale distributorship too all she did from home…no matter how busy she was we always sat together for our meals which she cooked ( that left a lasting impression on me) she was able to be a mom and also be productive and fulfilled…she later went to catering school and qualified as a chef which she did in the UK until she retired 5yrs ago…but that has not stopped her. I could go on but will stop there

 2-    Nike Davies Okundaye – Now when Vanity Fair was looking to have “African” Icons on its cover why was Nike not part of it I say! She can only be described by me with one word as an enigma! She is naturally talented and creative. She is one of Nigeria’s most successful contemporary artiste, and the very few to gain international reputations as an artist and designer, all this from a woman with no formal training. At a very young age learnt indigo weaving and dyeing ( Adire) from her great-grandmother. She refused an arranged marriage and ran away with a theatre group. To read more about how she gained independence and escaped the violence and abuse of her first husband and how she has developed a centre of the arts in Lagos, Oshogbo in Ogun state and Ogidi in Kogi state of Nigeria and also how she is helping rural women gain financial freedom as well as build up their self esteem by training them in the arts of Adire. http://nikeart.com/main.htm  and read her biography http://blackartstudio.com/Nikespage.htm  

3- Maya Angelou- She is a woman of great substance and elegance a true beauty. She is one of many of the contemporary voices of literature…Her poetry, like one of her own many titles are just “Phenomenal” (Phenomenal Woman is my all time favourite poem of hers) she is an historian, bestselling author, play write, civil-rights activist and I hear producer and director too…The beauty of her words and lyrical flow just blows me away..Her original name is Marguerite Johnson. Her book I know why the caged bird sings was about her childhood,  spent between her grandmother in rural, segregated Stamps, Arkansas and St.Louis, Missouri where her mother lived, her rape at 8yrs by her mother’s boyfriend  to age sixteen and with the birth of her son, by the time she was in her early twenties she was a Creole  cook, a streetcar conductor, a cocktail waitress a dancer, a madam and unwed mother, the following decades saw her emerge as a successful singer, actress and playwright, an English-language magazine in Egypt, a lecturer and civil rights activist. In 1993 Angelou gave a moving reading of her poem On the pulse of morning at Bill Clinton’s Presidential inauguration which gave her wide recognition

Poetry break….

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size But when I start to tell them, They think I’m telling lies. I say, It’s in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me.I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It’s the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me.Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can’t touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them They say they still can’t see. I say, It’s in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I’m a womanPhenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Now you understand Just why my head’s not bowed. I don’t shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It’s in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need of my care, ‘Cause I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me. Maya Angelou

3 down 4 to go…

Who am I?

 

I’m more than your daughter, your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend your lover, your confidance
I am of royal lineage and a priestly one too.

The evil one comes cunning and whispers words that lead to strife, worry, low self esteem
NO! You choose me from the creation of time; I’m whole, of purpose and of excellence.

I’m more than your……

I was made, created, fashioned, cultivated, planned (not an after thought) and supervised by God to be ezer (helper) to the kingdom.
I am valuable to God, I am somebody not to be used and abused….
Capable, intelligent, virtuous I am; who can find me? Only in Christ, for God’s glory.

I’m more than your……

The evil one whispers….your too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too shy, too out spoken, have an accent, not qualified, too qualified, too old, too young……have nothing to offer (A LIE) for I’m adorned with glory, power, majesty my true beauty ……the essence of me.
In me is trust, peace, love and life.

I’m more than your…..

Greater is in me……..
I have so much inside, to be birth, walked out, excised and then refilled; my assignment? Gods plan, to use this ‘building” for His Kingdom.
Setting my affection, looking to the Kingdom first my lord provides all, all that I would ever need.

I’m more than your…..

For when you see me you see Him in all His glory; when I speak you hear His words cutting and dividing the word of truth, as it should.

For I AM MORE! I AM MORE!!!
I AM OF ROYAL BLOOD
I AM OF A ROYAL FAMILY
I AM OF A ROYAL KINGDOM AND A PRIESTLY ONE TOO.

Author: Refinedone

Yesterday…

Yesterday I said a enough is a enough!!

Yesterday I decided to truly trust in Him

Yesterday old struggles that tried to rise up where put down

Yesterday pains and worries where put back on the altar (not looking back, this time)

Yesterday a rebirth, not looking to man, but to God, for He knows the beginning and end of me…

What are you going to leave in your yesterday?

 Stay strong people…..   

Lyric aka Poetry

Don’t cry sis…

Uncertainty with a mist

Would want to insist that it should persist, but

With a fist

It does desist

Because it doesn’t consist in light where

You exist!

Arise fair one arise,

Your strength

Restored,

In your stride, you are a queen

Adorned,

Come now fine,

Drowned now that feeling from inside,

That kept your smile, that radiating warmth

Like the pheonix rising!

http://refinedonelyrics.wordpress.com the others side of me

The adventure called Motherhood… are you ready?

Artist : Mufu Onifade

Title: Omu iya du (Mothers mike is sweet)

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. “We’re taking a survey,” she says, half-joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?” “It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. “I know,” she says, “no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations….” But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking “What if that had been MY child?” That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of “Mom!” will cause her to drop her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at McDonald’s will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give
it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years-not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.I want her to know that a caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honour. My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children’s future. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. “You’ll never regret it,” I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter’s hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God . . . that of being a Mother.

Authour Unknown.

7yrs…

 

 

On  one rainy Sunday morning  they both came together gather with friends and family to say “again” and renew their earlier vows to themselves….This time they did not repeat what was presented to them as is done, both each wrote their hearts commitment towards the other.

She said- in a sea of tears (for she can be emotional like that)…

I in the present of God, family and friends… I promise to comfort, encourage, and do you only good, as long as there is life within me. I promise to pray for you and lift you up before God. I promise to be the wife, mother, companion, friend and lover that you will be proud of. I promise to help meet and accomplish the purpose God has given you. I promise to reverence and honour you, to love you with the God kind of love. The love without conditions and not based on emotions. I promise before God, family and friends that I will not tolerate resentment and unforgiveness eroding what we are building together. I am thanking God for He has already given me the grace and empowerment to keep my vows to you.

He said-Holding back the tears, but a little making its way down the side…

I vow to sit in the presence of El-shaddai .To deliver His wealth, counsel and wisdom so we can raise Godly seeds, worthy soldiers in the last day army of Jesus. I vow to continually show my gratitude and appreciation for the early sacrifices you made to make our life together possible. As I thank you for your continuing devotion and faith, please know that you have all my gratitude, respect and love. For you have been a wonderful inspiration, support and help. My vow is to continue to find newer and fresher ways to give you everything a woman of virtue like you deserves. I thank the Father and you for the gifts which you made my life complete.

Since then 7yrs ago, many trails and tribulation have come, storms and floods have shaken the foundation of their love, marriage and even faith …yet they STOOD!

Never settling for second best and compromises, brutally honest with themselves (that was what made them unique), they said hurtful and sometimes unforgivable (but forgivable by grace)things to one another, things  they never thought  they would ever say to one another …did things they never thought they would do to one another…yet they STOOD!

It has been beautiful never the less, there union has be blessed with little angels from above( naughty sometimesJ)  each with their  unique contribution to the fold, with a bound of love for one another that could never be broken….and they STOOD!

They stood, for they kept it real…in their case it seemed it had to get bad (real bad before it could get better) or should I say fantastic!  To solve a problem and enjoy the benefits, one has to get to the root cause, be honest, get good council and deal with it… Ignorance and darkness is where the evil one lives and breeds, but in God there can only be truth and light to set you free…

True freedom and joy in a marriage comes with a price… one of sacrifice, honesty, openness and most of all Love! (Not puppy, butterflies in my stomach love) but the Love of God… that says” I will love even when I don’t feel like” “I will love you, cos I am committed to you”

….By the Lord’s grace and mercy they loved one another, stood by one another, was gracious and understanding.

Now years have passed, they are older (ok, more mature) there love has and is “maturing” into fine wine and not fizzy pop! …with each year there love grows stronger and sweeter!

So when you see them and say … I want a marriage like so and so…..you at better ask them there journey and see whether you are ready to travel that road or better still, just ask God to show you your own road and how to make your own marriage work for you!

Every marriage and every couple is unique and will be refined by their own unique FIRE!!

Blessings.

                    

EVERY LIFE HAS BEEN CREATED FOR A PURPOSE AND A PLAN…

 

What is the PURPOSE of this gift to you called LIFE?

 

Thanks for sharing this Tokunbo – www.mypenmypaper.wordpress.com