So many ways I have seen you,
So many ways I have hoped to understand you,
So many ways I have longed to end your worries.
You’re holding on to many things…
So much pain, So much hurt, so little joy.
‘ your bleeding heart can mend’
But you have to let go of all that weighs you down
and be lifted up.
Being fragile in a world of no real love pre-empts decisions
That gives rise to mistakes.
So let it go and be lifted up!
Ilu-Ilu.
Hi people, its been too long, but hey I’m back ( don’t know how long for) with a bang, I hope 
growing, changing maturing in life’s challenges moving from black and white to understanding shades of gray or at least acknowledging there are shades.
I will be doing a series of issues that I have a passion for but have talking about on this blog, but feel its time to now. As always the purpose is to bring to the light what is in the dark, for that is the only way deliverance can first start. When you know that what ever issue you have is not new and many others have or are going through the same thing reduces the intensity of the challenge.
In this series we’ll all reason together for I don’t claim to have the answers but when we talk, share together in truth and a clear honest and open mind keeping it real all the way, we learn.
After nearly 20yrs of marriage Linda walked out, this is a lady we all looked at her marriage and family and marveled. Her beautiful children her husband who always had nothing but praise for his wife, so understandably we were shocked and sad about it.
Some said she should not have given up and that divorce was the easy option, some sad there is nothing that God could not do so why break the home, some said she was selfish and that it would miss up the kids, some said what ever it was;could she not bear it and wait till the children where older?… and many more was said to her and around her. For sometime Linda was not seen by all for a while, but come this faithful summer afternoon in walked Linda on her “ladies that lunch” meeting visibly upset with a teary eyes yet clam. As she walked in and stood before the ladies and said “when is enough, enough! I was faithful and devoted for all the years I was married, supported my husband in his dreams, counted pennies with him, did not put pressure on him was not demanding. I was not perfect but was willing to grow together in love. I stayed at home and raised our children and manage the home, all by choice, to give the very best of me, that was my contribution to the stability of our home. I cooked and cleaned for him, out of love not duty but as an expression of my love for him. What you all did not know was how I had to survive for years with a man that phonghapy was his other love, do you know how that could affect ones self esteem as a wife and have no one to talk to about it, cos of the shame and embarrassment attached to it and even a sense of protecting him and the family, not wanting to talk about our problems and keep the façade of a perfect family and always hoping that things will change and get better someday.
Do you know how many fights we had cos I asked him to stop, all he would say is” it was just pictures that is means nothing” but I knew once he started looking that thisl the next thing would be to act on it…Do know how a woman feels when she knows and have even walked in on him looking at naked women having sex, does that not count as adultery of the mind I ask you?
That not enough, his drinking when his stressed and then the physical abuse… do you know what it feels like for the man that says he loves you one minute to be hitting on you the next do you know how demoralizing that could be? …and for this to be happening for years…When I think of it I should have left the first day he slapped me for no good reason. Remember my daughters first birthday when I had the black eye and I told you all I fell…. Well now you know it was no fall.
When is enough, enough? When his sleeping around with not one, two or more different women…is it till I am infected with HIV then I could be released for this contract? Is the contract not broken the minute he had slept with another that was not his wife? To top this I got no support for my dreams like how I had stood by his. My dreams were nothing but “little hobbies” to keep me occupied not a career that required time and energy to concentrate and develop, he did not but expected a housewife for ever (which was for a season)
When is enough, enough? After he had fathered a child outside of our marriage(and that’s the one I got to find out, what about the ones I don’t know or would never know)… I had had enough my ladies; to you I should pray and ask God for help… I did and still do, but first I need to accept and identify what was wrong and break out of a mind of denial, shame and hopelessness, I am fighting now for my mind and sanity … I am sure we had many a good time, but now I can not remember I can not let depression step in to my life anymore for years I have battled with that, to the point when death started looking attractive, No more! My life is worth more than his wife or their mother, there is more to me and you may choose to call me selfish, maybe its time to think about myself… just maybe.
As she carefully wiped her eyes, picked up her bag and calmly walked out of the restaurant with a stride I had never seen her in before, some would call it a swagger.
…so when is enough, enough?
Keeping it real, let the conversation begin.
“We fall down, but we get up, for a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up!”-Donnie Mcclurkin.
Getting up, may sound so easy….Moving forward even harder. Baggage’s of past( and sometimes present) pains and hurts hard to of load, unforgiveness, bitterness, self condemnation can be more debilitating than drug abuse or any sought addictions. You are a walking dead, smiling, moving, oh! So busy performing tasks even delivering them very well too…but dead! Without feelings, void of empathy, compassion and totally consumed with self. But you have a CHOICE!
All is required we do is know God loves us more than you could ever imagine or anyone could tell you. Make our confession to HIM is all He asks of us, for He is the only Restorer of souls, Healer, Comforter and the only One that forgives without condemnation.
Make a choice to LIVE, move on, move forward and join the land of the living…
JESUS is sure alive!!!
What you call me, that I am not!
for I know who I am, whose I am and what HE says I am… Beautifully and wonderfully made, crafted and fashioned!
My heart is pure and so are my intentions( can that be said of yours) …yes, I don’t always do the right things, but renewed I am and in Him stand, void of condemnation.
Everyone well dressed and perfectly made up with plastic smiles looking like it’s all under control,
but within hurting, doubting, insecure and in turmoil…Why ?!
‘cos some have chosen to live a lie and not be real to themselves first.
Life is for living…and as one said “Life is what happens when your making plans”
So live the life…
Know yourself…
Be true to yourself…
Love others the way you would be loved and
LIVE!
Watch out for…
1. The Blamer: This is a person who consistently blames you/or everyone else for their problems. The world and the people in it always seem to create havoc for this person. And instead of taking responsibility for their life, would rather blame others.
2. The Complainer: This person likes to hear his/her own voice. They consistently complain about what isn’t working in their life and yet get energy from complaining and dumping their frustrations on you.
3. The Drainer (just run…lol): This is the needy person who calls to ask for your advice, guidance, support, information, advice or what ever they to feel better in that moment (which is not a real problem)…but because of their neediness, the conversation often, if not always revolves around them and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during their conversations.
4. The Shamer (run several miles…lol ):This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of you or your ideas in front of others, often ignores your boundaries and may try and convince you that their criticism is for your own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before them. (Did I say runnnnnnn!!)
5. The Discounter: This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often has a strong need to be right and can not find fault with any position they may be standing at that point in time. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.
6. The Gossip (don’t just give this one the time of day): This person avoids intimacy by talking about others behind their backs. The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions and latest “scoop” by gossiping about others. They create a lack of safety in there relationships, whether they realize it or not. After all if the gossip talks about someone else they will talk about you!
Source: Cheryl Richardson, Author “Take time for your life”
*Sharon’s contribution – The Fire Extinguisher – these ones just keep raining on all your dreams and passions till you’re as washed out as they are.
Feel free to add to this list, would be encouraging to see what we all come up with.
Birds of the same feather flock together…
That was one of the sayings my mum loved to quote to warn us as children about bad friendships, another is from the Bible telling us not to be unequally yoked (bridled together) this is mostly used to warn Believers about associating or marrying an unbelievers (one who did not accpect Jesus as Lord and saviour)
I think it can be used among believers too,simply saying be careful who you hang with believer or unbeliever…anyway I digress
We grow not just physically, intellectually and mentally, but hopefully with wisdom and discernment too. I say discernment cos the older we get, the margin for error are reduced and so careless mistakes should be avoided at all cost, for the damage could be one that may never be replaced or fixed.
Moving from one level to another in life in what ever area, be it in family relationship, work, education or career would be determined by our association…Who you mix with, Who you are listening to and spending time with, whether you like it or believe it will effect how well or bad you grow…What you think, How you think and What you do.
There is a time for everything, I personally feel I’m in my time for doing …stepping out and actualizing all the learning and preparation, so my associations are very important and am very protective of what am hearing, seeing and doing. I must be with people I can learn from, stable (mentally and emotionally), mature, positive and goal driven.
I guess I would like to live the rest of my life full, fun and purposeful with as little drama as possible…not much to ask now is it?
Identify the birds you flock with … How inspiring are they? What is their added value in your life? Are you the one always pouring out and never receiving?
BELIEVE.
To Believe! To be Brave!
Take Courage! Take the Chance!
Make the Leap! Make it Happen!
Don’t Give Up! Don’t Give up on You!
Keep the dream alive! Keep the Faith!
Dream! Dream!! Dream Big!!!
Never Give Up!
from the deepest darkest marry mire–a way is made.
In the heated passion of temptation–a choice of escape can be found.
A way out of no way,
A blazing trail through the wilderness is beaten, as water parts the desert dry, so is a way out of no way and choice of escape is found!
More than your load, carry you will not, for HE makes a way out, to escape and to flee!
RefinedOne.
“true liberty is in the courage to choose righteousness, for righteousness is never easy and will have to be fought to possess”
RefinedOne.
From eternity to destiny in-between these; the seasons
Yes! You choose me from the creation of time
Yes! I was with you, in you, were you.
You birth me into this shell for you know the end.
In this shell you kept me, to minister for you care so much; you wanted to feel what I felt, to deliver destiny and redeem a generation.
Ah! To be born into this shell and go through the seasons, learning, being broken and birthing.
Ah! How this shell has been knocked, bruised, abused, tossed and pulled … for the shell hates you!
it loves what it sees and wants more
it loves what it feels and wants more
it loves what it touches and wants more
it loves what it tastes and wants more
it loves what it hears and wants more…
But! Yes, I was in you from the creation of time, was with you and was you.
Alas! You are still in me to birth destiny (for you know the end).
The alabaster box was broken
The lamb was slain, so ….
You break and slay me daily, in seasons to birth destiny (for you know the end).
I am knocked but I get up, to be knocked again and again
But I get up quicker with every blow until I master how to block and dock the punches….
With each knock, a breaking, until you are poured out of this shell to birth eternity to destiny…
For you alone know the end!
Author: RefinedOne
…will not be putting any new post for a while, stay strong all
dallenia Says:
October 23, 2007 at 12:39 am e well girl what can i say i’m so so happy for you. that the lord found you the right one indeed.
well girl i wish could say the same for me. well the last time i thought i found the right one girl .he did me wrong. he play the act he was so so nice.and then play the hard to get. i never fell inlove by my self, but it happend to me now it been,8 month i cant forget him why i dont know.it feels like acurse.i ask god to forget but he still on my mind. everyday. it like ”a never ending storie”the thing that hurt me the most i’m scared of leting myself go and be wo.
Dear Dallenia
I feel for you and wish I could tell you that the experience was all about my guy but rather he was simple the vessel that God used to touch me. The poem is about my transformation process, it is the result of the journey I had to go through with God in order to let go of my fears and issues about marriage so that I can come to the place of not seeing marriage as a prison. A place where woman are nothing but slaves or so I thought but now I can see marriage differently , I now see it as a place of safety and security where I am free to accomplish all that I can be. I have finally crucified the Jezebel (the controlling spirit) in me and I have taken the mantle of Sarah, a woman of faith whose trust is in God to make any changes in her man necessary. I am free to simple love.
As for your guy all I can say is break the soul tie and move on. If my guy were to leave today, I would be hurt but I would move on and be eternally grateful to him. What I have learnt is so valuable and precious, at times God is interested in the process and not necessarily the end result. The feelings I have is based on God’s perspective, it is about agape love, a love that has God at the centre of it. While we were yet sinners God loved us, so my guy does not have to attain a standard or do something for me to feel what I am feeling. It is looking and feeling with the eyes of God.
Be encouraged and wait for God he will bring the right one, it is well worth the wait. In the meantime let God help you deal with your issues and make you whole. There are many women out there but a woman like me, one who know her value is one in a million. I guess the truth question is how do you value yourself as a woman?
Blessed.
…..Meet a woman in love
The Woman in Me
Situations has cause me to hide
Circumstances has changed me
The world has caused me to turn away from the woman in me.
I look around and see women
Incomplete women, lonely women
Women who have something missing in them
I see women acting like men
Women with the {WO} missing in them
I should know I use to be one of them
But a touch from the right man
A word from my love is all it takes
And the woman in me comes out.
Oh what a wonderful feeling it is to be a woman
To have my {WO} back again
It is okay for me not to be so strong
It is okay for me to have emotions
It is okay for me to lay down my life
And to let the man be the man
It is okay because I am loved and accepted
The woman in me feels safe and secure
What a joyous feeling it is
What a restful feeling
What a peaceful feeling it is
To be a woman again
I can safely say, perfect love cast out all fears
I can safely say, love makes all the difference
I can truly testify that the love of the right man is all it takes
Woman, heed my advice
Wait for the right man, there is no feeling like it
Wait for the right one and be the woman God has created you to be
Wait it is worth it, just to see the transformation take place in you
Wait, it is worth it, just to have the burden lifted off
Wait and see the salvation of the Lord
Let him bring the right one
Let him bring that one
Whose voice causes your heart to skip a beat
Whose touch causes your knees to weaken
Whose words brings out the best in you
Wait it is well worth the wait
The love of the right man makes
You feel like you can do anything
The love of a right man
Inspires the woman in you to experience new things
It causes you to aspire to be the best you can be
A Woman
That is all you need to be
A Woman
That is who you were made to be
So my prayer is that one day
You meet someone like my love
And for the first time
Yes I can say it
My lord
Who will bring back the {WO} in you
And cause you to dare to be a woman again.
Author: Blessed Oluwayemi.
Who do you think you are?
What makes you think you can rain on mySunny days?
Who do you think you are?
What makes you think that my dark daysWill last?
What makes you think you can break me…
What makes you think I am no more than you could be Privilege to know…
I may not qualify in your eyes
I may not look the part (now)
But still I soar
Daily I am given breath to soar even higher
My glory….a reflection of the Son
For I am like the moon able, to turn the tide Of a generation, a time and season
That is who I know I am,Who are you?
Author: RefinedOne.
Cece Winans- When I listen to her music it always ministers to me, she comes across like one that is a true worshipper- one that loves the Lord with all her being giving Him the praise in every way. Apart from being an award winning artist (six times Grammy awards winner), Dove award winner, Soul train award winner and actress… she is also a teacher and mentor…Her album Throne room is my all time favourite, not just the melody but the words always bring healing and joy to my soul, I feel sometimes listening to her songs and feel like I am intruding in her personal time with God. I most admire about her is a passion for the youth, especially young girls. In Oct of 2005, Cece developed and hosted the Always Sisters conference which focuses on support for young women ages 13-26yrs, where she offered words of encouragement and self esteem was discussed. This is her passion that young women will walk in the fullness of God glory and self worth of their everyday lives. At the conference she presented the young ladies with tiaras as a token to the girl, She said…”My prayer was that they know God and know who they are”…”He is the only one that can really teach you who you are, how beautiful you are, how powerful you are, that you deserve the best and not to settle for less” This are the kind of things I like to see and hear..Older women mentoring the younger ones and empowering them on who (we) are as women/princesses and should be treated as one by ourselves and others. Cece has been married for over 21yrs with two children (boy/girl) Cece the wife and mother has managed to balance her personal and professional lives with relatives ease….this for me is a woman living a life with purpose.
Oprah Winfrey- Born January 29, 1954 is the American multiple-Emmy Award winning host of The Oprah Show, the highest-rated talk show in television history. She is also an influential book critic, an Academy Award -nominated actress for The Color Purple. And a magazine publisher of O, The Oprah Magazine and O at Home. She has been ranked the richest African American of the 20th century, the most philanthropic African American of all time, and the world’s only black billionaire for three straight years. She is also, according to some assessments, the most influential woman in the world {} raised in rural poverty by her grandmother, born out of wedlock by a mother who was a housekeeper and father a coal miner, at the birth of Oprah, but later became a councilman. Regardless of background and a challenged home life she was able to rise above it all at 13yrs received a scholarship to attend Nicolet High School in the Milwaukee suburb of Glendale, Wisconsin after which she won an oratory contest, which secured her full scholarship to Tennessee State University, a historically black institution, where she studied communication. This is a woman that has accomplished so much in the world of media I could go on, but what I would like to spotlight and truly admire is her Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa, she intends teaching a class via satellite. Oprah is not married, but instead has been in longstanding relationship of over 20yrs with partner Stedman Graham. She never had children of her own but had this to say about the girls of her Leadership Academy….”I never had children, never even thought I would have children. Now I have 152 daughters; expecting 75 more next year. That is some type of gestation period…I said to the mothers, the family members, the aunts, the grannies — because most of these girls have lost their families, their parents — I said to them, “Your daughters are now my daughters and I promise you I’m going to take care of your daughters. I promise you.”
I found doing the research for this list quiet reflective and it sure did reinforce things about myself that I am absolutely sure are no coincidences anymore… all the women that I admire, truly sum me up …Out of the box, Passionate, Motivational, Strong, Natural nurturers, Called to run “their own” race, Unique with a large heart of service to others and effective to their immediate society and the world!
None of these women are perfect and have made mistakes in their lives, they have had their share of challenges and adversity, but it never stopped them…
Life must have purpose!
Who inspires you?
Who do you admire?
And Why?
Bimbo Odukoya-The very first time I saw this fast talking, energetic and passionate woman on my tv screen, I had to stop and listen, after which I had to know more about her and what drives her….She was about marriages and how to have a good one which was an interest of mine. Pastor Bimbo Odukoya was (for she is late now) an Evangelist, motivational speaker, marriage counsellor and mentor to many Nigerian youths. Apart from her teaching through the Singles and Married programme, she was also a writer and author; she has columns in several national and international including ThisDay, CityPeople, and Leadship and life style based in the UK. Her columns dwell primarily on true life experiences of both the good and bad side of married and unmarried people. Before her untimely death on in a plane crash on the 10th of Dec 2005, she was the associate senior pastor of fountain of Life Church and President of Discovery for Women; a ministry the motives and challenges woman to discover there purpose in life and maximize their God given potential. She was married to Senior Pastor Taiwo Odukoya and had three children. May her soul rest in peace….Amen.
Adesuwa Onyenokwe- Is it possible to just like someone you have never met? Well in the case of Adesuwa Onyenokwe, it was so. The very first time I came across her was through her TV programme called Woman Today. Her voice was so calm and I just loved her manner and presentation…very lady like and wholesome in her opinions and views. I love the way she carries herself… with such dignity, not trying to be anything she not, she stands out in the fakeness( if that’s a word ) that is called Nigerian “celebrity”(IMO) this was confirmed by a family friend, when in conversation her name came up and I was saying how very dignified and mature she comes across. Adesuwa read drama for her first degree at the Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-Ife, and followed it up with a master’s degree in Language Arts at the University of Ibadan in Nigeria. Her show Today’s Woman has become a source of inspiration to many women. The show was created to help fill the void at the time of lack of understanding the womenfolk and also give them a voice. She is quoted as saying “”The bottom-line is to show that there are many women out there who have such God-given qualities as empathy. And you know that to make a good leader, you have to empathise. We are good managers because by nature we manage two roles: motherhood and wifehood,” Her ideal concept of today’s woman is somebody who is in total union with God and with self, to the extent that she is beneficial to humanity. This is why she features on her programme women who should serve as role models to others, especially the younger ones. Since she started presenting Today’s Woman on TV in 2000, many women of substance who have made their mark in the society have been featured {taken from an interview with Newswatch}. Born August 8, 1963, in Ibadan, Oyo State, Onyenokwe is the fifth of eleven children, she is married to Ikechukwu Onyenokwe, an engineer and management consultant with 6 children (3boys and 3girls)
2 to go …
As part of Black history month in the United Kingdom, I would like to present Seven Black Women I admire and would like to celebrate ….
1- 
Mrs Clara Onelum, You may not all know her but I do, she is my “mummy” She is an inspiration and note worthy.She is passionate and devoted to her children and family, an example of a woman, Classy, hardworking and committed. My mother has always been my first role model. She worked in the bank for 16yrs, refused promotion so as not to be away from raising her then very young children, So to keep herself busy and fuel her entrepreneurial spirit, she qualified as a hair dresser/stylist from Revlon in the States, opened her own salon first in the house and then later expanded it to a shop next door with a dressmaking section to it…she had a wholesale distributorship too all she did from home…no matter how busy she was we always sat together for our meals which she cooked ( that left a lasting impression on me) she was able to be a mom and also be productive and fulfilled…she later went to catering school and qualified as a chef which she did in the UK until she retired 5yrs ago…but that has not stopped her. I could go on but will stop there
2- 
Nike Davies Okundaye – Now when Vanity Fair was looking to have “African” Icons on its cover why was Nike not part of it I say! She can only be described by me with one word as an enigma! She is naturally talented and creative. She is one of Nigeria’s most successful contemporary artiste, and the very few to gain international reputations as an artist and designer, all this from a woman with no formal training. At a very young age learnt indigo weaving and dyeing ( Adire) from her great-grandmother. She refused an arranged marriage and ran away with a theatre group. To read more about how she gained independence and escaped the violence and abuse of her first husband and how she has developed a centre of the arts in Lagos, Oshogbo in Ogun state and Ogidi in Kogi state of Nigeria and also how she is helping rural women gain financial freedom as well as build up their self esteem by training them in the arts of Adire. http://nikeart.com/main.htm and read her biography http://blackartstudio.com/Nikespage.htm
3-
Maya Angelou- She is a woman of great substance and elegance a true beauty. She is one of many of the contemporary voices of literature…Her poetry, like one of her own many titles are just “Phenomenal” (Phenomenal Woman is my all time favourite poem of hers) she is an historian, bestselling author, play write, civil-rights activist and I hear producer and director too…The beauty of her words and lyrical flow just blows me away..Her original name is Marguerite Johnson. Her book I know why the caged bird sings was about her childhood, spent between her grandmother in rural, segregated Stamps, Arkansas and St.Louis, Missouri where her mother lived, her rape at 8yrs by her mother’s boyfriend to age sixteen and with the birth of her son, by the time she was in her early twenties she was a Creole cook, a streetcar conductor, a cocktail waitress a dancer, a madam and unwed mother, the following decades saw her emerge as a successful singer, actress and playwright, an English-language magazine in Egypt, a lecturer and civil rights activist. In 1993 Angelou gave a moving reading of her poem On the pulse of morning at Bill Clinton’s Presidential inauguration which gave her wide recognition
Poetry break….
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3 down 4 to go… 
I’m more than your daughter, your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend your lover, your confidance
I am of royal lineage and a priestly one too.
The evil one comes cunning and whispers words that lead to strife, worry, low self esteem
NO! You choose me from the creation of time; I’m whole, of purpose and of excellence.
I’m more than your……
I was made, created, fashioned, cultivated, planned (not an after thought) and supervised by God to be ezer (helper) to the kingdom.
I am valuable to God, I am somebody not to be used and abused….
Capable, intelligent, virtuous I am; who can find me? Only in Christ, for God’s glory.
I’m more than your……
The evil one whispers….your too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too shy, too out spoken, have an accent, not qualified, too qualified, too old, too young……have nothing to offer (A LIE) for I’m adorned with glory, power, majesty my true beauty ……the essence of me.
In me is trust, peace, love and life.
I’m more than your…..
Greater is in me……..
I have so much inside, to be birth, walked out, excised and then refilled; my assignment? Gods plan, to use this ‘building” for His Kingdom.
Setting my affection, looking to the Kingdom first my lord provides all, all that I would ever need.
I’m more than your…..
For when you see me you see Him in all His glory; when I speak you hear His words cutting and dividing the word of truth, as it should.
For I AM MORE! I AM MORE!!!
I AM OF ROYAL BLOOD
I AM OF A ROYAL FAMILY
I AM OF A ROYAL KINGDOM AND A PRIESTLY ONE TOO.
Author: Refinedone
Yesterday I said a enough is a enough!!
Yesterday I decided to truly trust in Him
Yesterday old struggles that tried to rise up where put down
Yesterday pains and worries where put back on the altar (not looking back, this time)
Yesterday a rebirth, not looking to man, but to God, for He knows the beginning and end of me…
Stay strong people…..
Uncertainty with a mist
Would want to insist that it should persist, but
With a fist
It does desist
Because it doesn’t consist in light where
You exist!
Arise fair one arise,
Your strength
Restored,
In your stride, you are a queen
Adorned,
Come now fine,
Drowned now that feeling from inside,
That kept your smile, that radiating warmth
Like the pheonix rising!
http://refinedonelyrics.wordpress.com the others side of me
On one rainy Sunday morning they both came together gather with friends and family to say “again” and renew their earlier vows to themselves….This time they did not repeat what was presented to them as is done, both each wrote their hearts commitment towards the other.
She said- in a sea of tears (for she can be emotional like that)…
I in the present of God, family and friends… I promise to comfort, encourage, and do you only good, as long as there is life within me. I promise to pray for you and lift you up before God. I promise to be the wife, mother, companion, friend and lover that you will be proud of. I promise to help meet and accomplish the purpose God has given you. I promise to reverence and honour you, to love you with the God kind of love. The love without conditions and not based on emotions. I promise before God, family and friends that I will not tolerate resentment and unforgiveness eroding what we are building together. I am thanking God for He has already given me the grace and empowerment to keep my vows to you.
He said-Holding back the tears, but a little making its way down the side…
I vow to sit in the presence of El-shaddai .To deliver His wealth, counsel and wisdom so we can raise Godly seeds, worthy soldiers in the last day army of Jesus. I vow to continually show my gratitude and appreciation for the early sacrifices you made to make our life together possible. As I thank you for your continuing devotion and faith, please know that you have all my gratitude, respect and love. For you have been a wonderful inspiration, support and help. My vow is to continue to find newer and fresher ways to give you everything a woman of virtue like you deserves. I thank the Father and you for the gifts which you made my life complete.
Since then 7yrs ago, many trails and tribulation have come, storms and floods have shaken the foundation of their love, marriage and even faith …yet they STOOD!
Never settling for second best and compromises, brutally honest with themselves (that was what made them unique), they said hurtful and sometimes unforgivable (but forgivable by grace)things to one another, things they never thought they would ever say to one another …did things they never thought they would do to one another…yet they STOOD!
It has been beautiful never the less, there union has be blessed with little angels from above( naughty sometimesJ) each with their unique contribution to the fold, with a bound of love for one another that could never be broken….and they STOOD!
They stood, for they kept it real…in their case it seemed it had to get bad (real bad before it could get better) or should I say fantastic! To solve a problem and enjoy the benefits, one has to get to the root cause, be honest, get good council and deal with it… Ignorance and darkness is where the evil one lives and breeds, but in God there can only be truth and light to set you free…
True freedom and joy in a marriage comes with a price… one of sacrifice, honesty, openness and most of all Love! (Not puppy, butterflies in my stomach love) but the Love of God… that says” I will love even when I don’t feel like” “I will love you, cos I am committed to you”
….By the Lord’s grace and mercy they loved one another, stood by one another, was gracious and understanding.
Now years have passed, they are older (ok, more mature) there love has and is “maturing” into fine wine and not fizzy pop! …with each year there love grows stronger and sweeter!
So when you see them and say … I want a marriage like so and so…..you at better ask them there journey and see whether you are ready to travel that road or better still, just ask God to show you your own road and how to make your own marriage work for you!
Every marriage and every couple is unique and will be refined by their own unique FIRE!!
Blessings.
Thanks for sharing this Tokunbo – www.mypenmypaper.wordpress.com
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve to be treated then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant. Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man! Nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to complete you … A relationship consists of two whole individuals…look for someone complementary…not supplementary.
Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him, he takes you for granted.
Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar, but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies…..
You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
….this was sent to my mailbox sometime back. hope it’s helpful.
Our Father….On the 3 Sunday of the month of June, 17th to be precise will be Father’s day, so I taught we talk about the office of a Father and celebrate them . A lot of people may not have had a good experience with there fathers, but some have and still do.With the increase or single mothers and teenage pregnancy the role of fathers is beginning to get distorted and even lost…young man are not taking up the responsibility, maybe because a lot of them never had a father/father figure in there lives too ( it hard to reproduce what you never had) Just getting a girl pregnant does not make you a father…A fathers role in a child’s life consists of love, protection, provision, direction and correction
To expand on this further I would like to introduce a lady that her blog has become a daily read for me, she is inspiring and eloquent as she explains her different topics, and I know she will do just that with this topic, I give you Olubola Oluyemi of www.mumsdadschildren.blogspot.com
Fatherhood is the state of being a father. It is the ability to hold the position and authority of a father in the family. In the holy bible “Fathers” is used in the sense of seniors, and of parents in general, or ancestors.
God’s fatherhood should be a typical example for all; it emphasizes the irreplaceable role of fathers in our individual lives.
The most important predictor of criminal behaviour is not race, not income, not religious affiliation. It’s a father influence. It is important that men know that bringing up children is a very important part of their life.
The greatest praise that men can give to motherhood is for them to share in the role because the presence or absence of masculine leadership in the home determines how the children turns out and this also determines the future and survival of any nation.
Fathers as Mentors/Mentors as Fathers….
Serving as a trusted counsellor or teacher to another person. Most children develop their perception of life by merely watching their parents. Children’s image of their father may have possibly affected their perception of God, which in turn affects their self-image. When a child has a negative perception of his father or the father figure in his life it is possible that the child will develop a negative attitude towards others.
For example:
If your father is pushy, inconsiderate of you, violate and used you, you may see others in the same way. You probably feel cheap or worthless in their eyes, and perhaps feel that you deserve to be taken advantage of by others. You may feel that even God will force you—not ask you—to do things you don’t want to do.
Also if your father is a weakling, and you couldn’t’t depend on him to help you or defend you, your image of God and other people may be that of a weakling. You may feel that you are unworthy of people’s comfort and support, or that they are unable to help you. If your father is overly critical and constantly came down hard on you, or if he didn’t believe in you or your capabilities and discouraged you from trying, you may perceive people in the same way. You don’t feel as if you’re worth other’s respect or trust. You may even see yourself as a continual failure, deserving all the criticism you receive.
But when you have a positive perception of your father or mentor, you’re likely to have a positive attitude towards others, God and future.
Author: Olubola Oluyemi.
So I say to all those men that have walked and are walking in the office of Fatherhood…we celebrate you!For those about to step into this office we encourage you and say; it is a privilege to be able to influence a generation.
On the 17th please take time out to celebrate our Fathers and Father figures.
Let it not be only one day in the year…but continuously.
For those who there Daddy is no more with us…..This is for you.
God the Father, in His joy we are made Strong!
No matter what we must have gone through or are going through God the Father makes all anew with and in His Love, Mercy, Grace and Forgiveness.
God the Father, Loves, Protects and Provides.
Yemisi was “the babe” in campus, slim figured long legs very attractive and brainy too. After graduation she married her Uni sweet heart Michael…he was equally fine in looks and brains, they both complimented one another very well ( well that was my opinion)
Now she and Michael had been dating for about 4years and engaged the last year…Michael was so in love with her and she to him… anyone that knew them could see that, they were inseparable. We all attended the wedding, a most romantic and beautiful affair.
So you could understand my surprise to learn that they were separated… you know how rumours can be. I did not want to believe, until this faith day, I was walking out of a supermarket on the high street when I bumped into Yemisi…the girl was like a size 16 ….she was still pretty but I just could not understand her weight gain…we exchanged numbers and agreed to met up at her place for Lunch the following day.
We had a pleasant meal, then sat down to catch up on our lives… she came out straight with it and told me she was now separated and in the process of a divorce …the expression on her face said it all … she was still getting use to the idea and not happy about it at all.
She now had 3 children and was working with one of the Telecommunications company in the City….I had to ask her what the reason of the break down in her marriage, many things crossed my mind, could it be infidelity ( it is most of the time ) it could not be children, she had 2 two boys and a girl. To my amazement, she said… I became to fat for my husband o! What? Are you serious? I exclaimed… she continued that as she started having children the weight piled on and became difficult to shift… but her husband kept telling her, he loved her just the way she was so she did not feel the need to do anything about it…Soon he stopped touching her, sex was none existent until one day he said he did not want to be with her and that he did not find her attractive anymore, all this after 8yrs of marriage. She said she did all to loose the weight, but by then there was no love left in her husband heart for her…
I ask, should that be enough to end a marriage. Should that be enough to stop loving your partner?
Would a woman divorce, if her husband became over weight? Or are men only driven to love visually? I wonder?
Peace out all….Leave you with that for a couple of weeks
“All your life you live so close to truth it becomes a permanent blur in the corner of your eye. And when something nudges it into outline, it’s like being ambushed by a grotesque”
- Guildernstern
I really wish some women would stop fooling themselves. We live in a time where the truth is now up side down…we have become so cultured and advanced that we think we can question nature… yes! Nature. God made, God created, God Ordained Some things are so just because that is how it is made…there are exception to the rule, but that is what they are exceptions.I love getting in to dialogue with women that think they have all the answers… single, independent, up-wardly mobile and in there early to mid 20’s.They think they have all the answers… and because they may be successful in one area of there life, now think that is all life is about… money and academic or career success…That is all good and I admire that and should be celebrated, but to deny that you are nurtures and love beings, drawn to companionship is a lie!
It is sad that, in these day a lot of people are being raised in a single parent homes, some men are so iresponsible that girls grow up not knowing what is it to be look after, lovingly protected. Instead they grow up guarded, wounded , scared emotionally and do not want to have anything to do with a man. They now feel like every man should be treated like dirt… To be used and dumped for there own sexual pleasure… (you are just hurting your self more) 
Some of these women feel, because of what they must have see or bad experiences by the re mothers or other women while growing up now don’t have value for a man( who can blame them) But truth is truth no matter how distorted some have made it.
Because of that they are resentful towards men and refuse to appreciate the difference in the sexes, the responsibility and /or ability. In this PC generation the devil has told a big lie and some have bought into it. Hook line and sinker!
They say why should we marry?
So what if I have multiple partners, don’t men do the same?
I am using them not the other way round
When and if I want to have a child I will ask a gay friend to help be a sperm donor or go to a sperm bank.
I do not need any man in my life telling what to do!
My child does not have to have father.
I am financially capable
Women make better lovers
What do I need a man for?
Oh! Woman you have lost your essence
Created you were to give balance
To add fragrance.
However, you have been lead astray by what you see
By the hurts you experienced, that I never intended for you
Come back home daughter
And claim your crown and garment of honour, dignity and of beauty
Not just a form of outer adorning but of internal too
Oh! Daughter come back and be that lone star which shines so bright
Illuminating the path that we may go…
Of a high standard and grace…Ah! GRACE
DO you still know what that word means, daugthers of today?
Birthing Ishmael!
We all will experience hurts, disappointments and even betrayal by the ones we love and trust sometime in our journey of life. I guess that is why it is a journey of many paths… We will come to crossroads and have to choose what direction is best to travel, some may be roads well travelled, so you have an idea of what may lay ahead others may be uncharted territory, one you would have to trail blaze yourself and some may just be wrong to walk!
Relationships become important, close ones became valuable and relied on, we’ll sometimes let others lead us down there path, let them set the tone or pace of your journey, until things start taking a turn for the worst and the feeling of trust gets violated, love broken. We start to loose the lustre in the relationship. You just want to give up trying any longer, and for the moment to ease the pain….To ease what ever pressure you long for, a soothing ointment ( could be drink, drugs, work or in the arms of another) but not the true “balm”. But we know we need soothing, release for the moment!
It is at this point I say call out! shout out! even cry out! to the one that has a greater and better view of your journey. The one that created and knows you ….Please! Do not faint, for in your weakness is when He shows up in His strength on your behalf.
Do not miss your call, purpose, and destiny by selling your birthright for a morsel of porridge (instant gratification). Do not walk in bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment for this will only birth more pain and revenge, but wait!…………. Less we birth “an Ishmael”
What is birthing an Ishmael you say……
You will have to go the bible and read the book of Genesis 16-21.
To paraphrase …. Abraham and his wife Sarah were very old and had no child of there own, but were promised by God that they would have a child. In the impatience of Sarah, she encouraged her husband to bear a child with her maidservant called Hagar; she gave birth to Ishmael meaning God hears. By the time Ishmael was a teen Sarah took in and gave birth to her son called Isaac (you see Gods word never goes back to Him unfulfilled)
Sarah later made her husband send Hagar and her son Ishmael away, cos she felt had become a treat to Isaac her son and cos Hagar had taunted her all the years after Ishmael was born….
Today the trouble in the Middle East between Israel and the Palestine is all a result of Sarah’s impatience.
Let us not in our pain, heartache and weakness take the law /retribution, payback, revenge in our own hands….
The Journey is long with bends and turns, up’s and down’s, the bumps on the road are many!
Be encouraged!
*an Ishmael*………….a temporal solution that could cause long term damage.
What is happening to me? I feel so alive! Expectant and excited of the future. I love being a mom and wife and would not change that for anything, but I have always felt there was more to me.
I have just come back from a trip from home (Nigeria). Lagos has a way of bringing out my Alta-ego; I think I will call her PHOENIX, she feels she can do anything she sets her mind to, ever rising, indestructible, larger than life and bursting to birth her creative side, her destiny and purpose.
Truly home calls and all I do now is count my days. As a family we are ready to move back home, for personal reasons, to live! Not just, exist. It may not be your reality but it ours. We want our children to grow-up knowing there culture first hand to have a solid, rounded foundation, hubby and I just agree it is time to make the move (there are something’s that cannot be explained) you just have a restlessness that your unable to shake off.
For me personally I think the restlessness I feel is fast showing, that “thing” I could never articulate properly, of whats burning inside of me, some how it’s coming out now!I am going to shout it out… cos once it’s out I have no other way but to confront and deal with it, so here goes… “I am a frustrated artist” that feels better, now let the transition begin!
This year the lover of my soul had already dropped in my spirit it was going to be a year of expanding boundaries and taking the limits off, stepping out…and having many a “walking on the water”moments….Wow! It sure has been that so far, and the year is not over yet!
“Life is either daring adventure or nothing” _Helen Keller
….so let the adventure being! Phoenix is rising!
“A life lived without passion is a life lived in unfulfillment and regrets”
….Moi.
As I walk in this season of my life, I am just overwhelmed with the different extreme of emotions I am going through… form one minute feeling like giving up, of shame, despair and then excitement that it’s not all over, but a chance to “do over” a chance to make it better, sweeter and greater!!
So I thank the God of a SECOND CHANCE!!!
Devil you should have killed me when you had the chance….
When I walked out of God’s plan, out of His purpose and destiny for me, and let myself get tainted, diluted and separated from Him……to the point that when my Lord went looking; could not find me, only to see me bound and chained by my own habits that did not glorify Him….
I was ugly and in dispair I was without the glory my Lord had put on me….Yet He came and paid the costly price to release and save me. You saved me, cleansed me, and started to prepare me. With my head down you lifted me.You told me (reminded me) who I was ….
You gave me beauty for all my ashes, joy for all my pain.You clothe me with your righteousness again!
You stayed with me to teach me how to walk with you, again! You restored my purpose for you loosed me!
Devil you should have killed me when you had the chance….
‘Cos now, I am loosed! and set free!
Amen!
Authour: Refinedone
I have a story to tell…
There was a young lady who got married had 4 children, decided to stay at home full time with her children has they grew. Her responsibilities included looking after the home and her husband.
She was a graduate, very intelligent and business minded, but she loved being at home with the kids and did not see it as a scarifies, she enjoyed having the home just right for when her husband came in…
She had two other friends that where married and had kids… they made fun of her and called her “a kept woman” which she had no problem with, they found the fact that she got an allowance degrading (which she had to correct many a time, that she did not get an allowance) but had no restrictions to the family finances, as she was responsible for the accounts and making sure the bills where paid.
When ever she was at a function or gathering of her husband clients or work colleagues, in the mist of career women, single and married ones, they always seem to, at first think there was something wrong with her cos, she introduced herself as a homemaker, which always followed a pause… As if they felt they should speak to are like a child (cos maybe they taught she only understood baby talk) who knows! They would feel there was nothing she could contribute to the discussions.
But as conversation continued they would find out how intelligent and current she was… that would bring the next question…Why are you staying at home? you could get a nanny to do that job. You could be doing better things with yourself, using your degree and earning… Instead of wasting away at home, and being dependant on your husband for everything.
She asked, tell me what is greater than the privilege to have a hand in bring up the next generation, not just preparing food and feed them, but feeding there minds, body and soul…getting to know your own child. Experiencing there first experience… Do you think I sit around all day watching “Oprah”?
I enjoy nothing more thanwatching my husband come home to a hot meal ready and waiting, he is reassured that his children are in the best possible hands.. He comes home to a neat and tidy house… He is not stressed about his home front cos he knows I have it undercover, so his mind is free to deal with the world outside his home; he is energized to go out again… After the world tries to beat him down, he knows his home is secure, safe and looks forward to coming back!
I am more than content she says… the first 5 yrs are important in a child’s development… They are the formative years and that is a part of life to experience too.
There would be stages they will not need me that much, but they would still be secure, reassured and confident to know I will always be there…
I ask what is wrong in being a stay at home mom, a full time mother or let just call it what it is….A HOUSEWIFE?
i leave you all to chew on that as i go chillout for the next couple of weeks!
Slavery with all its horrors was still a plan of God! (Believe it or not)
This was what my pastor preached about on Sunday the 25th of Mrach(200yrs of the abolition of slavery in the British colonies). At first that did not go so well with me, just as I was getting over that he dropped another “truth” …( he did warn that most of us would not take to his next statement likely) Trust me, it did not with me, but you could not deny the truth.
He reminded us about Joseph and how his brothers first planned to kill him because of his dreams/destiny and favour he had with there father…but later decide to sell him into slavery … They did not know, nor care what would become of him. As the story goes Joseph favour followed him every where …In the donjons he had favour with his gift as a dream interpreter, from there to be made a citizen and a Governor and only subordinate to Pharaoh ( King of Egypt) all this in the land he was sold to as a slave.
Then we are told there was famine in the all the land …but there was food in
Egypt, because Joseph had been able to read the dream of the King that foretold the famine… anyway cos of all this Josephs family where able to come and get food and even relocated….Read the detailed story in the book of Genesis 39-47.
All this is said to let you know the plans of God in your life can be killed/aborted or destroyed…what God says, will be fulfilled, a seed that never dies will never ripe a harvest.
Why I decided to write this post was because in the post before this I said something about an apology….which I would like to take back.
That is not necessary for the plans of God for slavery will be fulfilled. The pathway of our Destiny… {Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes horror has to happen and we may never understand its purpose but, that God, He knows!}
When Jesus was born …King Herald killed child aged 2yrs and under just to prevent destiny… was God aware? Yes …Why did He allow that? I don’t know (I guess that is why He is God!)
Brothers sold Brothers … That was what my Pastor said that did not go well with me, Slaves from
Africa were sold by there own brothers( Africans)… No matter how hard that maybe for us to accept it is the truth!
This has caused division between Africans and West Indians to date…some feel resentful towards Africans for what was done to there ancestors.
We should not let division in our lives, for the perfect will of God is still to be unfolded…Our dreams will still be fulfilled.
Brothers on different continents, of different shades, we are all still brothers, as I said before FORGIVNESS is the only way forwarded.
After all, what makes any event important, unless by its observation we become better and wiser, and learn to do justly, to love mercy,and walk humbly before God…. OLADAH EQUIANO. ( an exslave that was stripped of his home, culture and language)
25 MARCH 2007 will mark 200years to the day that a parliamentary Bill was passed to abolish the slave trade in the British colonies. Although it would be another 30 years before slaves gained their final freedom – when slavery was abolished throughout the British Empire.The need for a large and steady supply of labour on the sugar plantations of the Caribbean and South America, and on the cotton plantations in North America leaded to need of labour (Guess where they looked?) but to the dark continent of Africa.
The Middle Passage was the sailing of slave ships from Africa to the Americas. It is estimated that between nine to 12 million Africans were forced to make this passages The African captives were considered as ‘cargo’ and inhumanely packed together below the deck of a ship for most of the journey This took anywhere from six to eigth weeks, Conditions were appalling in the packed and unhealthy ship holds, and up to one in five died. Uprisings were common, but were violently suppressed .The mortality rate for the average journey was 10-15 per cent due to ill treatment, malnutrition and disease.Once the ships arrived at their destination, the surviving Africans were cleaned and prepared for auction.Now …I am not going to go into all the different wronged that the salves encountered, this is a season to remember those that were lost, the pain and suffering endured.
A time to salute those that fought against it and help bring an end. It a time for forgiveness and yes apology …..But most of all forgiveness and a time for closure, and this not be repeated in it’s different forms today!
The effect of slavery has left lasting damage to a whole race of people, but should not be used as an excuse not to progress and achieve their best.
What is slavery?
A slave is one…
• forced to work – through mental or physical threat;
• owned or controlled by an ‘employer’, usually through mental or physical abuse or threatened abuse;
• dehumanised, treated as a commodity or bought and sold as ‘property’
• physically constrained or has restrictions placed on his/her freedom of movement.
…so today we remember those who endure this evil…those that did not survive the journey and died as “cargo”
Roll call and Salute ….
To the freedom fighters and those who rose to became a symbol of encouragement to other slaves…
The first recorded slave revolt was in 1570. There were at least 250 shipboard rebellions. Jamaican slave society faced a serious revolt every decade, in addition to prolonged guerrilla war. In 1760, 30,000 Jamaican slaves revolted. The culmination, recorded in CLR James’s magisterial The Black Jacobins, was the 1791 slave revolt in St Domingue.
Granville Sharp, Olaudah Equiano, Ottobah Cugoano, Thomas Clarkson, John Newton, William Wilberforce, Hannah More, William Knibb, Ignatius Sancho, Elizabeth Heyrick, Samuel Adja(Ajayi)i Crowther, John Wesley Toussaint, L’Overture Sam Sharpe.
For more please go to http://www.setallfree.net
What is love to you?
As Valentine day comes closer….with gift of affection hopefully given (if not buy or make a show of affection for yourself).
I love, love….I love to be in love … and to be loved…
Love for me is an act of worship…
With different relationships, the different types and kinds of love can be expressed.
As for moi…
Love is like a diamond, with every new angle a new aspect of it’s beauty is revealed…. Just Like God… Mercyful, kindness, forgiven, faithful, loving, trusting and the list goes on… ( fill free to fill the gap)
so I ask … what is love to you?
PS: guess who celebrates her birthday in the month of February.. in 15days time
PPS: Funmi aka Fumosh’s b’day is 2morrow (1st) so show her some love and go to her blog and wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! fumosh.wordpress.com
Ok! guys where do I start? …. I guess from the beginning (some smarty-pants would respond)
Didn’t intend to write this, so I guess thats the best kind of post to put up. Hubby had to travel on a business trip so I was sort of awake as he was getting ready, once he left I thought I would get back to sleep…but some how I couldn’t. I tossed and turned for a bit…with things I shouldn’t be thinking about racing through my mind..( worries that I should have left on the altar for God to deal with) thoughts of where I had fallen short or missed the mark…..So I decided to get up and make myself a hot drink, then maybe I’ll feel sleepy again…but low and behold what do I see as I looked out my window, but snow! the first fall this winter…the whole landscape covered in a bed of delicate clean white fluff…how beautiful it all looked, even the garbage cans too looked beautiful in the blanket of white snow, I could see the footprints of an animal (most probably a fox, cos no dog owner would let the pet out this early) as I stood looking out the window watching fresh snow fall (O! what a sight to see) I could just hear God say… “Angela that is how I see you…regardless of your short comings, your flaws or mistakes …. I choose to cover you in a sea of white…and make you all anew”. At that point my heart became filled with gratitude… I felt so thankful…for my life, love, my family, my health, my brothers, sister, friends old and new and most of all the mercy of God’s grace…. for He has chosen to cover me and has made me as white as snow….
By Opeyemi Fadipe.
I do not believe in reincarnation like some do but if reincarnation happens to be a reality then my cycle will be woman, woman, and woman all the way. For so many women the popular belief is that it is a man’s world. I hear such women say that given the chance to relive they will rather come as men. I do not blame them as these women have several reasons behind their opinion. But then I find it ridiculous to believe. Why on earth will a woman want to be a man? I still have not found a single reasonable reason to think that way.
Personally I have no regrets being a woman.
Womanhood is a covered calabash which when opened emits radiance, joy, happiness, fun, laughter and a lot of hope.
For a lot of women, womanhood would have been so beautiful had the natural occurrences been absent. I once heard my younger sister say, ‘how I wish I do not menstruate’ forgetting that it is a sign that someday life will germinate in that same stomach.
Contrary to popular feminine opinion, I believe women will appreciate their lives, milestones and enjoy womanhood much better when we begin to savor the honey at the core of our seemingly painful milestones. We need to relish the joys, pleasures that lie deep in our challenges. Of a truth, our challenges far outweigh those of our mothers and grandmothers but God has so endowed us with joys that do not fade as the years go. The joys and happiness that lie deep within our challenges are not ephemeral. They are such that we remember so many years afterwards and we still smile heartily.
Can you remember the day as a baby your ear was pierced? Possibly not but I believe if babies could talk you would have told the next baby boy to you how lucky he was not to be a girl. But here you are today adorning yourself with lots of beautiful jewelry in that same hole that was created painfully. That imaginary baby boy friend of yours could today probably be among those guys who want to put on earrings to look trendy.
I am quite sure you have not forgotten those days when your nanny or hairdresser would force your head into her laps to plait your hair. Most of us never liked those women but we turn our heads several times to see whose looking at our hairstyles.
Sometimes at the age of twelve, I discovered I had some pains on two particular spots in my chest. It was so painful that I did not hesitate to tell my mum it must be cancer. You can imagine how she laughed and like most Yoruba women told me those two thins will eventually send me out of my father’s house. Today it’s a reality; I am out of my father’s house living happily with my own man. Those two growths accentuated my figure so much that the opposite sex could not resist me. It contributed to my beautiful body framework.
Early one morning I woke up restless, feeling different, vomiting and running high temperature. I felt I was not myself anymore. It became so uncomfortable and I found myself in front of a doctor’s desk, only to be told that I have a new life growing inside of me. Is it how it begins?
Several months passed and I still feel I am not my original self, tummy bulges; appetite becomes wild and one day a terrible pain sets in that makes me feel I was going to die. I screamed and shouted and groaned and did all sort. For hours the pain persisted and then minutes later I heard the cry of a baby. The life that began to grow forty weeks ago had finally become a complete human being coming out of this stomach of mine???? It’s simply incredible.
The children grow and become matured boys and girls and then one day my daughters come home with one his friends as usual. This time they relate so closely I got uncomfortable and then my daughter opened that same small mouth she used to cry when I brought her to this planet to tell me, Mummy, this is the man I want to marry!! She seems so excited about it but it was so painful to me. Does it mean this girl doesn’t enjoy my company any longer or don’t I care enough? All questions, no answers and then the great day came. We gave our daughter out in marriage and every other woman glared at me in envy. Some couldn’t hide it. ‘Aren’t you a lucky mother?’ they asked.
That evening I flashed back at my life from the beginning at least from when I could remember and I found out it has always taught me a lesson: In the life of every woman there is no gain without a pain. Just as it happens in our natural milestones, our experiences generally teach this same lesson.
We should learn not to shy from challenges rather face them. We should learn to take the bull by the horns, take hold of every opportunity and make the best of it. We should bear in mind at all times that at the end of every tunnel in our lives; there is a bright ray of light.
One more thing to be remembered, gold in its raw state is unattractive but after each round of treatment in the fire (not in an air conditioner) it shines better and better and better……
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO SHINE AGAINST ALL ODDS!!!!!!
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Love is demonstrative, it’s active, because we have been and are loved by God.
It did not say you love because you feel like only. or love only those that deserve your love, but love without expecting anything in return. By the way Love has been described as a human experience that is manifested in feelings be it in behaviour, emotion or attitude to others in relationship or of one’s self.
The bible says Love is an attitude and action that is not determined by feelings or positive response from others deserving or undeserving. We can’t talk about Love and not quote 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.
Love is more than a feeling!
That can only be possible if you operate in God’s kind of love(Agape). The other kinds of love are a lot more based on Feelings, a more self centred love-sexual desire and physical craving, Erotic love (Eros). Affections in a loving concern to a friend, brotherly- love (Phileos)
When we realize that the best, safest kind of love is the God kind, not one base on feeling, cos feelings are changeable, unstable and can’t be truly trusted. They have the ability of distorting the truth.
Feelings are good indictors of Love, but still that can be tested…..
lets look at marriage which is made up of two people committed to one another in Love not feelings…..Marriage is not sustained by just the feelings you get in the earlier days of courtship, when your man/woman walks in to a room or you think about them….. :) Remember when you were dating, and your partner could not upset, cos you felt so happy! looking in to there eyes and dreaming of a future with them forever…when he picks from your food at dinner you thought it was oh! so cute …but couple of year into marriage that same thing you found cute now irritated you so!…
Well feelings will not keep you married for long, cos you are guaranteed to have bumps along the way … In fact you will feel hate for your partner at some time in the journey of your marriage.
So what holds a marriage and keeps it strong during the times of shaking? …. but a vow, a commitment, a decision.
Love is not optional….Feelings are…Love is foundation, a corner stone nothing can be built without it….Feeling are ever changing.
So what do you pick??
What does it mean to be single? (To be separate, unique and whole)
The Bible says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wow! God took his time to create me. There can be only one “me” I am one of a kind.
Even Identical twins, who my look alike still have things that they will differ on, No two fingerprints are the same. No two experiences are the same, that’s what makes me who I am.
When I stand before God, He sees me, a separate individual whether I am married or not.
Many single people are in a hurry to be married and see there singleness as a negative state, especial after a particular age (dare I say). They feel they would be complete once they are married (as if marriage validates you as a person)
When you enter marriage as your salvation to wholeness and believe your spouse will Complete you or make you secure in yourself…you put pressure on the spouse and you being the end of the marriage.
If you are not comfortable with your individuality, I am sorry to say you are not ready to be married.
When last did you date yourself?
That sound funny but just think about it?
Do you need people to validate you all the time? Do you need other people to motivate you to enjoy yourself?
Can you sit in a restaurant or coffee bar by yourself and still feel comfortable?
When last did you look in the mirror and just say to the reflection Man! Or Lady! You are “too fine”, “you are all that a bag of chips”. What I’m trying to say is pay yourself complements. (Once you know you are fine, any other complement is purely an addition to what you know about yourself) The power of your self esteem should be in your hands.
If you disrespect or have a poor image of yourself, you will only course people to treat you that way…So love yourself even with all its flaws. Remember you are unique and anyhow, don’t you know confidence is sexy!
What does alone mean? (Isolated or secluded)
A single person that is content and whole dose not needs to be alone, cos that is how you can get isolated. Instead make friends and enjoy there company, but find the balance and not get dependent on having people around you all the time, that is how you could end up in an unhealthy relationship that allow other people take advantage of you, because they know you depend on there presence.
Let God be the lover of you soul, your companion and friend in the times loneliness…Enjoy your singleness, develop your self find out what makes you tick, what you like and not like and let you Life partner meet you along the way of discovering “you” in the relationship with your heavenly Father.
Partners, be it male or female are to do nothing but complement you and not complete you….remember you are WHOLE!
They are to be nothing more than help that is suitable and fit (help-meet)
Allow God present your partner to you.
Be friends first. That is the foundation to a good marriage, someone you can laugh freely with, someone you can be yourself and not feel you have to watch yourself or feel like your walking on egg shells around.
God has given us free will to chose, so when you are presented by the one, you still have the choice to choose…God will not make you do anything.
Even Adam had a choice to reject Eve when God presented her. I don’t see anywhere (please correct me if I am wrong) in the Bible where God told Adam meet your wife! (He identified her)
I personally use to believe the “only one person for me” syndrome, when you see him my heart will stop skip a beat and all that romance novels stuff…One Mr/Miss Right, but NO! There are many “right” people who will be presented to you….How you choose to develop and establish the relationship is all yours!
Please don’t get over spiritual about it (many marriages have been broken that either partners or one said” God told me you’re my wife/husband”) apply common sense with spiritual maturity before you say “I DO”
Begin please by enjoying your singleness and individuality, let that complement your relationship with others around you, be it friend or family
My Daughter said something to me this morning…She asked “mom if it is a New Year why does it not feel any different”
The calendar says it is …at least the Gregorian calendar which is widely used….
Now why am I going on about calendars, my daughter like a whole lot us think that at Midnight of Dec 31st a New Year beginnings…well it does according to the Calendar, which I don’t have a problem with, but it’s the feeling of something New is about or should happen is what I’ll like us to reflect on. If it is a New Year why does it not feel any different….
The Difference should not necessary be the the fact that it is a New Year…but the continuation of a season. Those that are close to me know, my season started in Step Of 2006 and is continuing in 2007. What was conceived and birth in 2006 is being nurtured and cultivated in 2007 and in this same year there will be more birthings too…
We should try not to get caught up in the NEW YEAR syndrome which puts pressure on ourselves. We all go about making New Year resolutions which, without a doubt would be broken before the month is over that is if it has not been broken by the 2nd! already. Let it be a continuation of a season instead.
What is this season thing you say?
Well I can only speak for myself and say my season began with a realisation of who’s I am and what I am here for…A realisation that I am no accident or evolution but a creation with purpose.
What is your season?
Is it the season to find out what your true source is?
Is it the season to relinquish self doubt?
Is it the season to reclaim the truth about you?
Is it the season to celebrate YOU!
If I was ever going to make a New Years resolution it would be to find out all the manufacture of me, has to say about me, in His Manufactures Manuel…
What was the reason for my creation?
What are His thoughts about me?
What are the functions He has put in me
What is my particular use…? (Where and to whom was my creation for?)
For when I am whole and complete I can be effective and affective.
SO WHAT IS YOUR SEASON?
“The man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder…a waif, a nothing, a no man.” Thomas Carlyle.
Hello every one, this is going to be my last post on this blog for the year 2006, as the year runs to a close, I have got reflective and thought I share this with you all.
I am so thankful for the year 2006; it was my year of UNSPEAKABLE JOY.
One would think with a year like that it was smooth sailing. I would say it was my most challenging year so far. What gave me great joy was that when the challenges came I dealt with them with wisdom and a peace that I never knew I had which encouraged me to do better.
This year I found out that my peace and my strength was in Christ Jesus and no one else. I found out that there is so much in me and more to come out!
I found out how to love me, and I am determined to take, into the rest of my life the Joy of the Lord!!! For that is the source of my strength.
Get ready! Get ready!! Get ready!!!
This is how I feel for 2007. This is (yes “is” I am not waiting for 1st of Jan to start my year, for I am stepping into the fullness of it right now) my year of Taking the limits off and expanding my boundaries.
I am expectant of what the year holds for me and how it would affect my family and those around me.
So with the Joy of the Lord and an expectant heart…Get ready 2007! watch this space
This is the year to dream dreams (big dreams)
This is the year to step out of your comfort zone
This is the year to believe in the impossible
This is the year to stop planning and DO!
This is the year to TAKE the Limits OFF!!
And have a “walk on the water” moment.
This I pray for all who are NOT ready, but have enough faith to BELIEVE!!!
Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Fabulous New Year!
As I was thinking of what to write on my post, feeling a little bit overwhelmed with my life at the moment….good kind of overwhelmed. I have been stepping out and doing things that I would not have normally thought were my strength… Look at this, I have my own blog up, not just that, I am writing on other blogs too www.deoluakinyemi.com/emotional-recharge.
Wow! did I say writing? Coming from a girl that was afraid of anything that had to do with reading or writing. I am finding out how much I enjoy telling stories and putting my daydreams to paper. I am finding out there is more to me… Enjoy this poem of mine, it’s one that does remind me that there is more to me and there can be more to you.
I know it’s addressed to my sister’s but I know my brother’s too will be able to appreciate it and hopefully appreciate the females in there lives…
I AM MORE!!!
I’m more than your daughter, your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend your lover, your confidant
I am of royal lineage and a priestly one too.
The evil one comes cunning and whispers words that lead to strife, worry, low self esteem NO!
You chose me from the creation of time;
I’m whole, of purpose and of excellence
I’m more than your…
I was made, created, fashioned, cultivated, planned (not an after thought) and supervised by God to be ezer (helper) to the kingdom.
I am valuable to God,
I am somebody not to be used and abused….
Capable, intelligent, virtuous I am;
Who can find me?
Only in Christ for God’s glory.
I’m more than your…
The evil one whispers….
You’re too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too shy, too out spoken,
have an accent, not qualified, too qualified, too old, too young…have nothing to offer
(A LIE) for I’m adorned with glory, power, majesty my true beauty…the essence of me.
In me is trust, peace, love and life.
I’m more than your…
Greater is he that is in me…
I have so much inside, to be birthed, walked out, exercised and then refilled;
My assignment? God’s plan, to use this ‘building” for His Kingdom.
Setting my affection, looking to the Kingdom first my Lord provides all, all that I would ever need.
I’m more than your…
For when you see me you see Him in all His glory;
when I speak you hear His words cutting and dividing the word of truth, as it should.
For…
I AM MORE! I AM MORE!!!
I AM OF ROYAL BLOOD
I AM OF A ROYAL FAMILY
I AM OF A ROYAL KINGDOM AND A PRIESTLY ONE TOO.
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……The contents of the poem is what I am working to be. ( i don’t claim to know all things) or I should be in heaven if I did…. when we don’t give up we push through, not wavering, not shaking look at our fears rigth in the eye.
The poem is the essence of who I would like to be… In Christaindom we are familar with the word strongholds others know it as issues.
We all have issues or are going through at one time or another. My goal is for us to encourage one another and get rid of our issues/strongholds because they are nothing, but distractions and potholes, to frustrate you and make you give up.
IF… tells us no matter what come before you don’t give up, don’t get distrated by emotions but, stay strong and focused…Deal with your issue, for once we get that out of the way you find purpose and walk into destiny.
it’s time to deal with it…
Rudyard Kipling
IF…
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!
