So many ways I have seen you,
So many ways I have hoped to understand you,
So many ways I have longed to end your worries.
You’re holding on to many things…
So much pain, So much hurt, so little joy.
‘ your bleeding heart can mend’
But you have to let go of all that weighs you down
and be lifted up.
Being fragile in a world of no real love pre-empts decisions
That gives rise to mistakes.
So let it go and be lifted up!
Ilu-Ilu.
Watch out for…
1. The Blamer: This is a person who consistently blames you/or everyone else for their problems. The world and the people in it always seem to create havoc for this person. And instead of taking responsibility for their life, would rather blame others.
2. The Complainer: This person likes to hear his/her own voice. They consistently complain about what isn’t working in their life and yet get energy from complaining and dumping their frustrations on you.
3. The Drainer (just run…lol): This is the needy person who calls to ask for your advice, guidance, support, information, advice or what ever they to feel better in that moment (which is not a real problem)…but because of their neediness, the conversation often, if not always revolves around them and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during their conversations.
4. The Shamer (run several miles…lol ):This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of you or your ideas in front of others, often ignores your boundaries and may try and convince you that their criticism is for your own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before them. (Did I say runnnnnnn!!)
5. The Discounter: This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often has a strong need to be right and can not find fault with any position they may be standing at that point in time. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.
6. The Gossip (don’t just give this one the time of day): This person avoids intimacy by talking about others behind their backs. The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions and latest “scoop” by gossiping about others. They create a lack of safety in there relationships, whether they realize it or not. After all if the gossip talks about someone else they will talk about you!
Source: Cheryl Richardson, Author “Take time for your life”
*Sharon’s contribution – The Fire Extinguisher – these ones just keep raining on all your dreams and passions till you’re as washed out as they are.
Feel free to add to this list, would be encouraging to see what we all come up with.
Hi guys, yes it has been way too long , guess settling down back home has had it’s own challenge, but still good. Kids are in school and I have my projects. Its been hectic and fun all rolled into one, finding out new and “amazing” things about my people(lol). My children are loving there school, that had its own challenge, but was expected…. the Nigerian educational system is very good, but IMHO still needs to not just train children on how to pass exams but why they are learning and how to apply learning ( topic for another time ) 
…Anyway will be back soon, just had to stop by and say Hey!
Help!!!
I have a little project I need to research . So anyone that has lived or lives in the Northern part of Nigeria please your contribution would be much appreciated.
I need to about what life is like for a woman/young lay in the northern. how it effects your choice of life style, education. social life, marriage/relationship, family life and all sorts of general gist. email Refined74@googlemail.com
dallenia Says:
October 23, 2007 at 12:39 am e well girl what can i say i’m so so happy for you. that the lord found you the right one indeed.
well girl i wish could say the same for me. well the last time i thought i found the right one girl .he did me wrong. he play the act he was so so nice.and then play the hard to get. i never fell inlove by my self, but it happend to me now it been,8 month i cant forget him why i dont know.it feels like acurse.i ask god to forget but he still on my mind. everyday. it like ”a never ending storie”the thing that hurt me the most i’m scared of leting myself go and be wo.
Dear Dallenia
I feel for you and wish I could tell you that the experience was all about my guy but rather he was simple the vessel that God used to touch me. The poem is about my transformation process, it is the result of the journey I had to go through with God in order to let go of my fears and issues about marriage so that I can come to the place of not seeing marriage as a prison. A place where woman are nothing but slaves or so I thought but now I can see marriage differently , I now see it as a place of safety and security where I am free to accomplish all that I can be. I have finally crucified the Jezebel (the controlling spirit) in me and I have taken the mantle of Sarah, a woman of faith whose trust is in God to make any changes in her man necessary. I am free to simple love.
As for your guy all I can say is break the soul tie and move on. If my guy were to leave today, I would be hurt but I would move on and be eternally grateful to him. What I have learnt is so valuable and precious, at times God is interested in the process and not necessarily the end result. The feelings I have is based on God’s perspective, it is about agape love, a love that has God at the centre of it. While we were yet sinners God loved us, so my guy does not have to attain a standard or do something for me to feel what I am feeling. It is looking and feeling with the eyes of God.
Be encouraged and wait for God he will bring the right one, it is well worth the wait. In the meantime let God help you deal with your issues and make you whole. There are many women out there but a woman like me, one who know her value is one in a million. I guess the truth question is how do you value yourself as a woman?
Blessed.
…..Meet a woman in love
The Woman in Me
Situations has cause me to hide
Circumstances has changed me
The world has caused me to turn away from the woman in me.
I look around and see women
Incomplete women, lonely women
Women who have something missing in them
I see women acting like men
Women with the {WO} missing in them
I should know I use to be one of them
But a touch from the right man
A word from my love is all it takes
And the woman in me comes out.
Oh what a wonderful feeling it is to be a woman
To have my {WO} back again
It is okay for me not to be so strong
It is okay for me to have emotions
It is okay for me to lay down my life
And to let the man be the man
It is okay because I am loved and accepted
The woman in me feels safe and secure
What a joyous feeling it is
What a restful feeling
What a peaceful feeling it is
To be a woman again
I can safely say, perfect love cast out all fears
I can safely say, love makes all the difference
I can truly testify that the love of the right man is all it takes
Woman, heed my advice
Wait for the right man, there is no feeling like it
Wait for the right one and be the woman God has created you to be
Wait it is worth it, just to see the transformation take place in you
Wait, it is worth it, just to have the burden lifted off
Wait and see the salvation of the Lord
Let him bring the right one
Let him bring that one
Whose voice causes your heart to skip a beat
Whose touch causes your knees to weaken
Whose words brings out the best in you
Wait it is well worth the wait
The love of the right man makes
You feel like you can do anything
The love of a right man
Inspires the woman in you to experience new things
It causes you to aspire to be the best you can be
A Woman
That is all you need to be
A Woman
That is who you were made to be
So my prayer is that one day
You meet someone like my love
And for the first time
Yes I can say it
My lord
Who will bring back the {WO} in you
And cause you to dare to be a woman again.
Author: Blessed Oluwayemi.
Cece Winans- When I listen to her music it always ministers to me, she comes across like one that is a true worshipper- one that loves the Lord with all her being giving Him the praise in every way. Apart from being an award winning artist (six times Grammy awards winner), Dove award winner, Soul train award winner and actress… she is also a teacher and mentor…Her album Throne room is my all time favourite, not just the melody but the words always bring healing and joy to my soul, I feel sometimes listening to her songs and feel like I am intruding in her personal time with God. I most admire about her is a passion for the youth, especially young girls. In Oct of 2005, Cece developed and hosted the Always Sisters conference which focuses on support for young women ages 13-26yrs, where she offered words of encouragement and self esteem was discussed. This is her passion that young women will walk in the fullness of God glory and self worth of their everyday lives. At the conference she presented the young ladies with tiaras as a token to the girl, She said…”My prayer was that they know God and know who they are”…”He is the only one that can really teach you who you are, how beautiful you are, how powerful you are, that you deserve the best and not to settle for less” This are the kind of things I like to see and hear..Older women mentoring the younger ones and empowering them on who (we) are as women/princesses and should be treated as one by ourselves and others. Cece has been married for over 21yrs with two children (boy/girl) Cece the wife and mother has managed to balance her personal and professional lives with relatives ease….this for me is a woman living a life with purpose.
Oprah Winfrey- Born January 29, 1954 is the American multiple-Emmy Award winning host of The Oprah Show, the highest-rated talk show in television history. She is also an influential book critic, an Academy Award -nominated actress for The Color Purple. And a magazine publisher of O, The Oprah Magazine and O at Home. She has been ranked the richest African American of the 20th century, the most philanthropic African American of all time, and the world’s only black billionaire for three straight years. She is also, according to some assessments, the most influential woman in the world {} raised in rural poverty by her grandmother, born out of wedlock by a mother who was a housekeeper and father a coal miner, at the birth of Oprah, but later became a councilman. Regardless of background and a challenged home life she was able to rise above it all at 13yrs received a scholarship to attend Nicolet High School in the Milwaukee suburb of Glendale, Wisconsin after which she won an oratory contest, which secured her full scholarship to Tennessee State University, a historically black institution, where she studied communication. This is a woman that has accomplished so much in the world of media I could go on, but what I would like to spotlight and truly admire is her Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa, she intends teaching a class via satellite. Oprah is not married, but instead has been in longstanding relationship of over 20yrs with partner Stedman Graham. She never had children of her own but had this to say about the girls of her Leadership Academy….”I never had children, never even thought I would have children. Now I have 152 daughters; expecting 75 more next year. That is some type of gestation period…I said to the mothers, the family members, the aunts, the grannies — because most of these girls have lost their families, their parents — I said to them, “Your daughters are now my daughters and I promise you I’m going to take care of your daughters. I promise you.”
I found doing the research for this list quiet reflective and it sure did reinforce things about myself that I am absolutely sure are no coincidences anymore… all the women that I admire, truly sum me up …Out of the box, Passionate, Motivational, Strong, Natural nurturers, Called to run “their own” race, Unique with a large heart of service to others and effective to their immediate society and the world!
None of these women are perfect and have made mistakes in their lives, they have had their share of challenges and adversity, but it never stopped them…
Life must have purpose!
Who inspires you?
Who do you admire?
And Why?
Bimbo Odukoya-The very first time I saw this fast talking, energetic and passionate woman on my tv screen, I had to stop and listen, after which I had to know more about her and what drives her….She was about marriages and how to have a good one which was an interest of mine. Pastor Bimbo Odukoya was (for she is late now) an Evangelist, motivational speaker, marriage counsellor and mentor to many Nigerian youths. Apart from her teaching through the Singles and Married programme, she was also a writer and author; she has columns in several national and international including ThisDay, CityPeople, and Leadship and life style based in the UK. Her columns dwell primarily on true life experiences of both the good and bad side of married and unmarried people. Before her untimely death on in a plane crash on the 10th of Dec 2005, she was the associate senior pastor of fountain of Life Church and President of Discovery for Women; a ministry the motives and challenges woman to discover there purpose in life and maximize their God given potential. She was married to Senior Pastor Taiwo Odukoya and had three children. May her soul rest in peace….Amen.
Adesuwa Onyenokwe- Is it possible to just like someone you have never met? Well in the case of Adesuwa Onyenokwe, it was so. The very first time I came across her was through her TV programme called Woman Today. Her voice was so calm and I just loved her manner and presentation…very lady like and wholesome in her opinions and views. I love the way she carries herself… with such dignity, not trying to be anything she not, she stands out in the fakeness( if that’s a word ) that is called Nigerian “celebrity”(IMO) this was confirmed by a family friend, when in conversation her name came up and I was saying how very dignified and mature she comes across. Adesuwa read drama for her first degree at the Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-Ife, and followed it up with a master’s degree in Language Arts at the University of Ibadan in Nigeria. Her show Today’s Woman has become a source of inspiration to many women. The show was created to help fill the void at the time of lack of understanding the womenfolk and also give them a voice. She is quoted as saying “”The bottom-line is to show that there are many women out there who have such God-given qualities as empathy. And you know that to make a good leader, you have to empathise. We are good managers because by nature we manage two roles: motherhood and wifehood,” Her ideal concept of today’s woman is somebody who is in total union with God and with self, to the extent that she is beneficial to humanity. This is why she features on her programme women who should serve as role models to others, especially the younger ones. Since she started presenting Today’s Woman on TV in 2000, many women of substance who have made their mark in the society have been featured {taken from an interview with Newswatch}. Born August 8, 1963, in Ibadan, Oyo State, Onyenokwe is the fifth of eleven children, she is married to Ikechukwu Onyenokwe, an engineer and management consultant with 6 children (3boys and 3girls)
2 to go …
As part of Black history month in the United Kingdom, I would like to present Seven Black Women I admire and would like to celebrate ….
1- 
Mrs Clara Onelum, You may not all know her but I do, she is my “mummy” She is an inspiration and note worthy.She is passionate and devoted to her children and family, an example of a woman, Classy, hardworking and committed. My mother has always been my first role model. She worked in the bank for 16yrs, refused promotion so as not to be away from raising her then very young children, So to keep herself busy and fuel her entrepreneurial spirit, she qualified as a hair dresser/stylist from Revlon in the States, opened her own salon first in the house and then later expanded it to a shop next door with a dressmaking section to it…she had a wholesale distributorship too all she did from home…no matter how busy she was we always sat together for our meals which she cooked ( that left a lasting impression on me) she was able to be a mom and also be productive and fulfilled…she later went to catering school and qualified as a chef which she did in the UK until she retired 5yrs ago…but that has not stopped her. I could go on but will stop there
2- 
Nike Davies Okundaye – Now when Vanity Fair was looking to have “African” Icons on its cover why was Nike not part of it I say! She can only be described by me with one word as an enigma! She is naturally talented and creative. She is one of Nigeria’s most successful contemporary artiste, and the very few to gain international reputations as an artist and designer, all this from a woman with no formal training. At a very young age learnt indigo weaving and dyeing ( Adire) from her great-grandmother. She refused an arranged marriage and ran away with a theatre group. To read more about how she gained independence and escaped the violence and abuse of her first husband and how she has developed a centre of the arts in Lagos, Oshogbo in Ogun state and Ogidi in Kogi state of Nigeria and also how she is helping rural women gain financial freedom as well as build up their self esteem by training them in the arts of Adire. http://nikeart.com/main.htm and read her biography http://blackartstudio.com/Nikespage.htm
3-
Maya Angelou- She is a woman of great substance and elegance a true beauty. She is one of many of the contemporary voices of literature…Her poetry, like one of her own many titles are just “Phenomenal” (Phenomenal Woman is my all time favourite poem of hers) she is an historian, bestselling author, play write, civil-rights activist and I hear producer and director too…The beauty of her words and lyrical flow just blows me away..Her original name is Marguerite Johnson. Her book I know why the caged bird sings was about her childhood, spent between her grandmother in rural, segregated Stamps, Arkansas and St.Louis, Missouri where her mother lived, her rape at 8yrs by her mother’s boyfriend to age sixteen and with the birth of her son, by the time she was in her early twenties she was a Creole cook, a streetcar conductor, a cocktail waitress a dancer, a madam and unwed mother, the following decades saw her emerge as a successful singer, actress and playwright, an English-language magazine in Egypt, a lecturer and civil rights activist. In 1993 Angelou gave a moving reading of her poem On the pulse of morning at Bill Clinton’s Presidential inauguration which gave her wide recognition
Poetry break….
|
|
||
|
3 down 4 to go… 
I’m more than your daughter, your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend your lover, your confidance
I am of royal lineage and a priestly one too.
The evil one comes cunning and whispers words that lead to strife, worry, low self esteem
NO! You choose me from the creation of time; I’m whole, of purpose and of excellence.
I’m more than your……
I was made, created, fashioned, cultivated, planned (not an after thought) and supervised by God to be ezer (helper) to the kingdom.
I am valuable to God, I am somebody not to be used and abused….
Capable, intelligent, virtuous I am; who can find me? Only in Christ, for God’s glory.
I’m more than your……
The evil one whispers….your too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too shy, too out spoken, have an accent, not qualified, too qualified, too old, too young……have nothing to offer (A LIE) for I’m adorned with glory, power, majesty my true beauty ……the essence of me.
In me is trust, peace, love and life.
I’m more than your…..
Greater is in me……..
I have so much inside, to be birth, walked out, excised and then refilled; my assignment? Gods plan, to use this ‘building” for His Kingdom.
Setting my affection, looking to the Kingdom first my lord provides all, all that I would ever need.
I’m more than your…..
For when you see me you see Him in all His glory; when I speak you hear His words cutting and dividing the word of truth, as it should.
For I AM MORE! I AM MORE!!!
I AM OF ROYAL BLOOD
I AM OF A ROYAL FAMILY
I AM OF A ROYAL KINGDOM AND A PRIESTLY ONE TOO.
Author: Refinedone
